Is this victim blaming?

[Botimo]

Suppose my trauma was a car crash, and the thing that finally set off the PTSD was being in a car that had to brake suddenly

I don't think that's exactly how this works. If the trauma that's responsible for PTSD is a car crash, then the car crash "set off" the PTSD. A subsequent near miss might trigger a symptomatic reaction, but it doesn't cause the PTSD.

Her question also seems pretty ok to me. Using your car crash analogy, if, by some chance, you were in a car crash 10 years ago and just now had a reaction following a near miss, that's kind of interesting. Maybe you DID have other near misses and something was different about this one. What was it? Worth knowing, I think.

It was nothing to do with my life, it was to do with something done to me in the past.

Again, I don't think that's quite 100% accurate. PTSD is about the way our brains respond to traumatic events. It's not about the event, it's about the response. You don't have control over whether or not you develop PTSD. It's not a choice, or a character flaw, But dealing with it isn't about the event, it's about your responses to it. (or them) Dealing with this stuff isn't about blaming anyone, or anything. You can "blame" the event, if you want. But dealing with the aftermath is about dealing with what's going on in your own head and body.

But she was putting the blame on me, the victim. "What was different in YOUR life?"

I honestly don't see any blame there at all. That was just a question. Was something different in your life right then? Maybe not. Then you say there wasn't and move on. Maybe you don't know of anything that was. You say that and move on. Maybe something WAS different and you're not aware of it yet and it would be useful to know. Then maybe you be open to the possibility and work on that. I don't see that question as blaming anyone.

Something I've noticed with my own situation is that when something apparently minor like this really hits a nerve for me, it means something and there's something there worth exploring.

 

[Konez]

I think we are saying the same things botimo..

Maybe you DID have other near misses and something was different about this one

You are saying the same as me. It was something different about this one, not something about my life away from this one. I agree that it was the original event that caused the PTSD, but it lay dormant until the triggering event that was so similar. The other near misses were not similar enough to break through that dormancy, but this one was. I know what it was that was similar, and ended up having to name it to her, when I wasn't ready to talk about the detail of what happened.

I also agree that I didn't have any choice about getting PTSD, nor do I think I had any choice about when it became apparent.. That is what makes the questions so harsh. It didn't matter what was happening in my life at the time. I didn't have control over it, or want it, but by suggesting it was linked to my life circumstances, she was saying that I did.

The only reason I might be over sensitive about this is that a bad therapist in the past tried to convince me the whole thing was about avoiding work, and that I didn't have any diagnosable condition. But know that was one person who got it wrong, against several others who agree with each other.

 

[Gozala]

I had delayed onset PTSD with a trigger that brought it on. My therapist asked what was different about my life at that...

No its not victim blaming, its a professional giving you their opinion, thats why we go to see them. Victim blaming would be if they were saying you were the cause of your problems and you did them with the intent of causing yourself harm

 

[Ilafac]

There was another way she could have asked it. "What was different about that time?" She chose to specify what was diffe...

It seems your reading a whole lot in to what she said, and its quite big unrelated leaps, im not seeing the same logic that your using. Asking her about it is probably a good idea, maybe to help you understand what she is saying, because i dont think your "hearing" what shes saying, your trying to link things which on the face of it dont really make sense - maybe subconsciously, i dont know - shes the professional though, she can probably help more

 

[Mide]

But she was putting the blame on me, the victim. "What was different in YOUR life?" It was nothing to do with my life, it was to do with something done to me in the past. If she thinks I should have been able to deal with it, then she is blaming me for my personal weakness. It took a long time for me to begin to believe that this wasn't all my fault, and now she seems to want to say that it was. It is saying that I chose to have PTSD, when I could having gone on not having it.

You are doing a ton of mind reading. You have no idea, beyond her words what she thinks. You have no idea what she feels (blame is more of a feeling than a thought).

You are the one assigning blame to the idea that something in your life could have an impact on your PTSD. What if your answer had been, that's when I realized my vision wasn't so great and I was vulnerable to future car accidents when driving. That is something different in your life. Is that blameworthy? not at all. Have you read about the PTSD stress cup? It's posted somewhere on this site. What if your life was so stressful on a variety of levels that it caused the PTSD?

Maybe nothing in your life had an impact. That's an acceptable answer. But what if it was something in your life. That's good news. Because you can't control what was done to you. You can control your thoughts, feelings, and choices. So if there were life circumstances, than those are things that can be worked on. And no, there's no blame in that. Going back to my earlier example of the PTSD stress cup. If that was a factor then you know that working on keeping your stress levels lower will help you manage your PTSD symptoms.

 

[Jakif]

I suppose it depends on the trigger itself and whether it was told to the therapist. If it wasn't divulged, then I think it was victim-blaming, as she automatically assumed you had encountered it before.

If you had divulged it, and it was something that most people would encounter regularly, then it does not seem to be victim-blaming, and instead seems like a very good question.

 

[Pomiher]

Sounds like she wanted to adress what other things may have been a factor.

She made it plain she was leading me to see that there was some other problem, not the trauma I was blaming. It was about my life, it was my choice, so she was blaming me.

I really don't think she was blaming you.
For myself, on a regular day I can be around things that are related to my traumatic experience, but doesn't send me into a spiral.
Let's say I have recently come into financial difficulty. That's stressful, but I'm still able to be stable.
The next day my girlfriend dumps me. Also very stressful, plus emotionally disruptive. Having to work really hard to stay calm now, but still being mostly successful.
The next day my mother takes seriously ill. I have now hit my limit of shit I can handle. See the same thing related to trauma, then Bam! Meltdown.
Same thing I saw earlier, totally different reaction. Why? Because other things happening in my life, have left me too unstable to tolerate a trauma related encounter.

This happening is not my fault. The things I mentioned above, are problems just about everyone has had to deal with at some point in their lives. Looking at these other problems can help me identify when I need to take extra steps to maintain control over my symptoms.
Money problems don't make it my fault that bad things happened before that. But it can lower my ability to self regulate.

That's what I think your therapist was alluding to.

 

[Fefu]

and sounds to me like suggesting that it isn't trauma causing the problem.

Is understanding that almost no one else hears it that way helpful to you?

I hear a LOT of you blaming yourself, by assuming others are blaming you.

One of those things that's easy to see from the outside

"How are you doing?"
"What are you saying? You think I'm stupid? You think I can't handle my job? How dare you suggest that I'm not up to this task!"
Blink. Blink. Blink.

Person B has clearly waaaaaaaay over-interpreted what Person A has asked. You can fill in B's assumptions & interpretations with just about anything and whatever their response is? Really tells you about what's going on in their head. The less it relates to the actual question? The more it tells you.

So your response/interpretation kind of screams that either your therapist has a long history of blaming you... Or someone else does. So much so that a pretty neutral/makes sense question to ask someone gets 1+1=5 answer.

 

[Kasera]

So I asked her more about this and it seems she isn't sure trauma is the root of my problems. She says it could be, but equally it might not, and she wants us to look more at other things.

 

[Inaki]

I had delayed onset PTSD with a trigger that brought it on. My therapist asked what was different about my life at that...

Doesn't sound like victim blaming to me. They're trying to get to the bottom of what changed to make you have PTSD wher you were okay before.