Wow wow wow! You're doing amazing work. I'm in admiration of the self care:
managing the uni situation,...
Yes :) the "cyber" "in spirit" hug is always welcome from you, dear brrd :).
Thank you, re the acknowledgement about my self-care and recovery milestones. Hard won yet soooooo good to have in place!
Prioritizing self care was a really tough thing to do and I'm not sure I could have without the incentive of having the children and being so deeply invested in trying to "break the cycle" for their sake. It seems, when one is trained to have no self worth or an absolutely negligible amount, doing things for oneself is not deemed seemly. But wanting wellness is worth it for its own sake, I am starting to try to grasp and fully feel that concept. I, and you and all of us, have INTRINSIC VALUE. Sorry for shouting it, but I think it's a liberating and Self-loving concept. I want to shout it from rooftops.
Yesterday was a big day. A very emotional but healing and relating say. I started out the day by going, for the first time, to a women's health group thing, at the local (in my next town but go-to community) Women's Resource Centre. It was supposed to be an information dissemination event about reproductive health, which was relevant as I didn't even have a check up after my last miscarriage and haven't sorted out anything to prevent another.
Anyway that particular theme ended up not happening and the person who was supposed to run the event didn't show but I got to meet the ladies up there and I had just read your response to me regarding the early abuse and I was pretty overcome and teary about what's surfacing around that.I shared a little of that issue and it turns out they can help!
The outcome was that I've just embarked on a new "early sexual abuse therapy" journey ( I see her next Wednesday), with a woman who works from there. She sounds great, I get to see her for at least 4 sessions which takes me up to the time I'm due to start with the clinical psychologist. I might get more time with her or just have to wait a bit, if there is someone else on the waiting list she doesn't know about yet, as she gets referrals through a Sydney agency. But she knows about the hospital I'm trying to get into, she knows the psychiatrists who work there, she can help me get my referral sorted, for there, she is trained in disordered eating support, which is certainly one of my long-term symptoms, she sounds amazing!
I am very excited to be starting to recieve such appropriate T!
I also went to lunch with my already-been seeing-for-a-while-now Trauma counsellor. She took me and another client to lunch to meet each other and an opportunity for me to offer some peer support. Another cry-fest. Me and the other woman ended up crying in the cafe together and she must of got something out of it because she wants to meet up again next week.
I was feeling pretty drained and exhausted when I got home and had just made my man some late lunch and sat down to do some drawing when we heard a horrible dog drama going on next door.
Our neighbor-from-hell's 3 out of the four killer-dogs were in the other side neighbors front yard trying to kill one of their cats. The neighbors (our friends who we support a lot and look after one of their dogs) weren't home.
I raced out after my guy and luckily he had scared them off. We didn't know what the animal was, that they had been attacking at that stage. The neighbors got home and were distraught (as we were) to discover that is was one of their cats.
Bare in mind this the the second cat of their's that the neighbor-from-hell's dogs has attacked. The last one had to be put down. As well, we have had our cat attacked also (neighbor from hell knew but didn't bother to tell us, it had happened, another neighbor told us. Luckily our cat was not too badly hurt) the dog we care for has also been attacked, he is a little Jack Russell, my partner has been attacked viciously by the dogs, massive legs scars now, and has been assaulted by the neighbor as well. But that was in the past.
We raced the cat to the vet, hoping she wasn't so injured that she'd have to be put down. We borrowed our neighbors car and I went with my guy so I could pay, as they couldn't access their money quick enough for the vet fee.
So it turns out, the wounds weren't too bad. She's gonna make it. I made a report to the council straight away when it happened.
The neighbor-from-hell, as usual, was utterly irresponsible in responding. When confronted by the neighbors made evasive excuses, played the victim and slurred my guy. Which was discounted by our close neighbors as my guy has been a HUGE support to them for years. Apparently she is going to pay the vet bill this time though (this is after probably close to two thousand dollars in vet bills due to her animals has already been spent by us and the other neighbors). We will see.
Apparently she is going to muzzle her animals too. I doubt it. It looks like we are finally really going to have to go hard on getting her pulled up, maybe even campaign for the dogs to be removed, possibly put down and possibly see her evicted. There are lots of little children living in this complex, so this dog situation is very concerning and quite frightening and stressful. She appears to be seriously sociopathic and narcissistic. Definitely a disordered personality.
This woman has been really impacting on my ability to recover while living here. The other side neighbors are incredibly grateful to us though. They really love that we are here, that we care about them, their children and their pets. They think we are a "Soul Mates" couple. The grandmother/mother, who lives with her daughter, son and two grandbaby twin toddlers, says we've restored her faith in humanity, and she is a PTSD/fibromyalgia suffering recluse. Like me, she doesn't go into this village at all (I do under extreme duress or for my children, who I would do just about anything for, bar undermine my own health too much, which is a fine line and a struggle to maintain).
I must go over there now, and get the money I lent them, back. I am sooo happy their kitty is going to be ok! I was going to totally lose my shit if she had to be put down. I was soooooooo drained and emotional utterly exhausted last night, and haven't been doing much at all today. My guy is pretty much better, Although he lost heaps of weight and he was already a very slender, but
muscled, very tall man. And he is officially tobacco free!!!! Yay! :-) Yay! :-) Yay! :-) Yay! :-)
