Why do you choose to stay alive?

[Justmehere]

I’ve been battling these damn suicidal thoughts lately...

I could focus on all the reasons why the thoughts are there.

Bit I’m trying to put my focus on why I stay alive.

Right now, it’s mostly because of my dog. I’ve left her with others recently and she is a mess with others. Even with people she has been fine with before, she is a mess lately. She is whimpering and stressing out and looking around the whole time. That’s not at all normal for her. I don’t know what’s up. She settles around me and is fine alone in her kennel.

In a way, that’s stopping me. She needs me a little.

I also stay alive because I told my therapist I would stay alive until the next session. I do what I say I will do.

I try to stay alive to also not let the bastards and abusers and pricks of this world win and let them push me to do myself in. I don’t want to let everything dark win.

It’s a hard battle. It is so hard. I am looking for more reasons.

What keeps you fighting on for another day?

 

[scout86]

This is probably going to sounds dumb but, "curiosity". I don't want to miss finding an answer to an unanswered question. I want to see where the next new road goes. (I've actually discussed this with my T & he thinks that's a perfectly good reason.)

 

[mumstheword]

I had to work really hard not to throw myself out of a moving car the other day. Our dog had just died and my also-sufferer-guy was screaming at me, I just felt i couldn't take any more. As soon as I got a hold of myself I realised how my kid's live's would be ruined from me doing that. And my guy calmed down and I realized he actually does care about me, so there's that too.

I don't know. I do a lot of art therapy type stuff. It makes life bearable. I also don't like being a piker. Lots of things I've done make a difference and I'm a woman.of faith, so yeah. Also I believe you don't get to escape your pain, it's something you have to work through.

Also all the friends and people I've know who do kill themselves, leave a lot of hurt and grief for those around to deal with. I care about people too much to do that to them.
In my bed days I just comfort myself with the thought "one day, this will all be over." I don't have to hurry it up, I'm a patient, enduring kind of person, it's going to happen one day anyway.

bed

Bad not bed

 

[freebird]

Last year I almost passed out from pain and imagined I was dying. I then felt I really really didn't want to lose my loved one. I still wanted time to be with him.

 

[deeplyloved]

My husband and our kids.

 

[ladee]

A lot like @scout86 , the curiosity of what might be around the next corner.
I have a constant running attitude of gratitude going all the time.
When I first started doing that, I didnt always feel it, but it helped me to see how much more was going on in this great big world besides my pain.
And I tried to do something for someone else. Even opening a door for someone. Nothing big, but it started to add up.
My biggest reason... I have had a lot of pain in my life, and I just could not be responsible for causing pain to someone else.

 

[_JustMe_]

For me, I guess it is mainly what Voltaire once said: “I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our more stupid melancholy propensities, for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go on carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away, to loathe one’s very being and yet to hold it fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?”

I love life. But I hate that pain.
And this is what I want to put an end to.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Because I haven't drawn and painted and created all that I want to yet

I haven't been all the places I want to see yet

I want to experience more of life with people I love

And because I believe our souls continue on in some way anyway so why rush there - wherever that is and however that feels - instead of experiencing the world whilst in a body?

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Justmehere.... I choose to stay alive because they way I see it... I've had all this pain, horror, terror, suffering... In my life... So it's got to balance out... What I mean is.. All that pain had to be for something... Right.. Joy, laughter, love... The scales have been unbalanced. Then somewhere in the middle but then will soar with great things in my life... This is what I believe...
And your dog loves you and I'm sure brings great joy in your life..... That's important...

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hmmmm. I'm still in here chasing a tail sometimes, then the me open to life. For sure 'dog' has kept me present. Losing my best friend guide some months ago She loved me and chose me so I will live to honor her boundless ability to believe every moment is a new possibility.

 

[Crow]

Weirdly I've never been too afraid of dying but being on this Earth terrifies me. So for a while, staying alive was like a punishment because I didn't feel like I deserved the peace I believe comes with death. After a nde, I realized I do deserve that peace so now living is more like a game or challenge to see if I can find that same peace I felt with the nde. My animals have kept me here during rougher times. Now I have them taken care of but only if my death is not a suicide so that keeps me in check when things are dark.

 

[jaccat]

When I was in that place- sheer stubbornness, and first hand experience of being on the other side as a witness to someone else's desire to die. I couldn't do that to someone else.