ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

The not comfort eating or binge eating yesterday meant that I noticed at one point I felt shaky and was shaking. It was a bit weird. And the not knowing was embarrassing. I am 48 and I don't know how it feels to be inside of myself! But hey I had an experience of it yesterday.

I didn't immediately numb the feelings out. It was hard not to do that.

 

[gealach]

do you normally binge or comfort eat with carbs/sugar? That's my go-to, and on the days I don't, I also get shaky and feel off. It's my body reacting to the lower carb/sugar input, like a junkie. I'm literally needing a hit. I'm an addict, awesome! :banghead:

 

[ms spock]

I think that is a massive step forward @Disco Dancing Queen

I think so too.

I think the shaking is a rough and tricky feeling, and to be able to feel bits of it and stay the large-picture course is really cool.

It was only for a few seconds here and there, very, very, very short

I wanted to say that I have learned for myself personally, sometimes when I am overwhelmed and get a bit more obsessive around food I find it helps to be mindful if I am eating lots of little things because I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the options and afraid foods will go away.

Yeah I identify food as love. Food was my love, and family for so long so not to have food, I put all these emotions on that - like I am reexperiencing the abandonment again and again and again.

So to try as best I can to remind me they will always be there, I am not going to be so gosh darn hungry again if I can help it.

Yeah it is a big fear of being without, when you can't express the terror of parental abandonment then it isn't unreasonable to transfer those big feelings on to something like food.

You are so right not every meal has to be perfect, thank you.

Yeah it doesn't, good enough is near enough.

 

[ms spock]

I just started using the ketones stuff and my eating compulsions are subsiding.

I don't know what this is, but it sounds interesting.

I too carry a huge amount of shame, eat for maladaptive reasons and can be very talky as a barrage and put up a front to hide my vulnerability.

It is sooooooooooooooooooooo hard.

Recognising it is half the battle.

I really didn't know that I had such a full on and severe eating disorder for the longest time.

Letting love in is also part of reordering a disordered being (that I am).

It is hard and sooooooooooooooooo scary.

I think you are magnificent @Disco Dancing Queen . You are super smart, committed and incredibly honest and, I suspect, brave and determined.

I don't feel any of these things. But it is nice to receive some positive feedback. Because basically I feel bad about myself.

We are shining the light of consciousness into our dark places, that alone starts to shift things.
You are not doing this by yourself. I struggling with some very similar issues and I am inspired by your candour. You are helping me recognise myself in your articulation of your struggles.
Thank you! You are helping me , by voicing this, more than you could know.

Well that is great because it has been extremely lonely for me at times. So many people come, they get better, they move on, and here I still am just slogging at it day in and day out, and moving so very slowly.

 

[ms spock]

do you normally binge or comfort eat with carbs/sugar? That's my go-to, and on the days I don't, I also get shaky and feel off.

Yeah! I so get that.

It's my body reacting to the lower carb/sugar input, like a junkie. I'm literally needing a hit. I'm an addict, awesome! :banghead:

Me too!

 

[ms spock]

thanks for starting this thread, too. It's so helpful to know that others are struggling with disordered eating, and to hear their strategies and successes.

I need beyond the research and reading about it. I need to hear from the people who have managed or are managing disordered eating.

 

[ms spock]

I have a serious sugar addiction. I am working on that bit by bit as well. I am a work in progress.

And this morning I did not binge eat for breakfast or have multiple servings. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

 

[gealach]

I find that when I have something sweet, it sets off cravings for days. Are you the same? I tried the elastic on my wrist, holding ice, pressure points, etc. none of that worked. What works for me, is just not having sweets in the house, except for Halloween and Christmas. I allow myself those 2 times, and special occasions, with the understanding that I'll have cravings and withdrawals for days afterwards. Actually this Halloween I went completely bonkers, like that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa ends up swimming in cake https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjwsdyN_O7XAhVN7WMKHej7CPgQjRwIBw&url=https://belleofthelibrary.com/category/funny-2/&psig=AOvVaw3kst2BStxy7Q7P4iUz7fiB&ust=1512429214308920 :sorry: weeks of cravings afterwards, but I'm on the other side of it now.

 

[ms spock]

I just don't have sweets in my home. Can't do it. And my partner actually gave up chocolate biscuits to assist and help me along. If it is in the house - yeah can't manage that @brokenEMT.

The cravings can take months to fight off. It is just not worth it.

 

[ms spock]

The comments that there will be enough food, are most reassuring, I don't have a sense of having enough food, or a sense that there will be another meal to have, so that is why I overeat, out of food insecurity, and for parts of my life that was reality, but it is not today a reality. So that takes the pressure off.

 

[gealach]

I just don't have sweets in my home. Can't do it. And my partner actually gave up chocolate...

I was that way too, until my mother moved in with me. She won't do that, so it's all in the house. I seriously need to learn how to say no when it's in the house. She's moving out this spring, so I'll be back to not having it in the house at all. That will be a huge relief!!!!

 

[ms spock]

Having healthy good vibe foods in the cupboard that you mostly have to cook from scratch is the foundation of a healthy relationship with food.

I am moving in this direction.