ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

I was that way too, until my mother moved in with me. She won't do that, so it's all in the house. I seriously need to learn how to say no when it's in the house. She's moving out this spring, so I'll be back to not having it in the house at all.

It is so very hard when a member of your family sabotages you like that. My sister does the same thing, and we had a huge blow up. I don't say things, so they build up, and then blow up. I am working on that.

 

[gealach]

It is so very hard when a member of your family sabotages you like that. My sister does the...

yeah, I was able to eventually understand that she doesn't understand eating disorders, and she really can't comprehend that I can't be around that stuff. For her, it's not a conscious sabotage, she honestly thinks I should be able to have a sweet every day and still be okay. I can't blame her, I just have to learn to control my eating. Easier said than done. It's nice that your partner understands enough, to be willing to keep the stuff out of the house.

 

[ninja]

I think food issues can cover up some tricky and horrible feelings. It is a long and difficult process to work through. Take the very best care Disco Dancing Queen.

I try my best to tease apart my feelings and needs before going to food. I remind myself the food will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day. And when I feel the part in there who is innocently worrying about whether there will be enough food I have to just stop and acknowledge the truth in those feelings. I tell myself there is nothing wrong with me, there is a person in process who is learning how to become in touch with her body and learn how to meet her needs. I tell myself that some of my needs are better met with things besides food, and might make me feel more peace to meet them in the ways they would like to be met.
(overwhelmed with feelings -> grab a blanket and hibernate under my covers to help me to feel safe, rock back and forth, cry and remember the whole time that this is just part of a process and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am healing and that is great. lonely -> go some place where I can be surrounded by people and activity. antsy -> go on a walk. tired -> figure out whether it is physical fatigue or mental. if it is mental yoga helps me. if it is physical, lie down [which can be hard in its own right because sometimes stopping moving is the time when the feelings come flooding in and that is rough.])
I tell her I will not ban her from foods. I tell her I am working on learning how to believe that we can have find balance and moderation, and that food won't always consume my thoughts.

 

[mumstheword]

I don't know what this is, but it sounds interesting.


It is sooooooooooooooooooooo hard....

So I'm going to share what's been working for me because my relationship with food has been /is dramatically changing in a good way as a result of lots of work in this area but I've noticed this stuff ..
Last year I went into the "pre-diabetes" zone and was heading up to 90kg. I'm only about 5.4.
I did low carb dieting last year and early this year but although weight loss was dramatic I kept getting pregnant and piling it back on. In fact the initial massive gain was after losing the first pregnancy but I've struggled with disordered eating since I was a emerging pubescent girl.

I lost all three pregnancies. After the last one, in July, I didn't go back on the low carb diet because I felt my body freaked out and it resulted in carb cravings and drug-addiction-like irritability and mood swings, resulting in more gain, so I went a different route this time.

I haven't lost much yet, not trying the deprivation style weight loss because of back lash with that BUT ...

.. I found some great products that have basically destroyed my desire and compulsion for food and I feel liberated from my food and eating and/or deprivation obsession for the first time in about 35 years.

So I started on the BLACK SEED oil, otherwise known as NIGELLA SEED oil earlier this year and I noticed an improvement.

Then, just last week, I received my package from from iherb containing Super Cortisol Support/Adrenal support made by NOW. I really think it's great and I've only been on it a short time .

I also recieved InstaKentones, made by Julian Bakery, also ordered through iherb, and it's had a massive impact, completely destroying my interest in food really. I do eat, and still love food but finishing meals is hard now. I can now leave food on my plate. I haven't had to have a second helping since I got on the stuff, I can make food for others without it being a massive exercise in confrontation with my substance of addiction and all the temptation, cheat eating/picking"tasting" when I cook or make yummy sandwiches for my family.
I don't really take much. It seems to have a huge impact on my appetite in small, infrequent doses, so, even though the stuff isn't cheap, it's going to go a long way.
Here's a link to info about extraneous ketones for PTSD too, as it helps on multi levels.

Link Removed

I now know what eating is like for people who don't have this food compulsion obsession/addiction! I have also had extreme stressful circumstances to deal with and this stuff has withstood the test of that with only minor "binge" response. My body is rejecting excessive intake of food! I haven't even started putting effort into better food choices at the moment, although I have pretty healthy taste buds that like mainly lots of veg and good proteins and oils.
I am only down to 85 kg but due to my yoga, dance and NIA habits I am noticing more tone and muscle in that, so I've decided that getting on top of my PTSD brain fog and deregulated emotional stuff is my top priority at the mo, as a way to maintain and increase the positive body changes I'm experiencing.

 

[ms spock]

It's nice that your partner understands enough, to be willing to keep the stuff out of the house.

Yeah I wouldn't manage at all, otherwise, I just wouldn't manage.

 

[ms spock]

@NinjaWolf and @mumstheword there is so much dept to both your posts I will really go and think on them.

 

[ms spock]

So I went out for lunch, and I actually declined a dessert, and just ate a reasonable amount! I was present in my body. (Yes like wow!) I could be making a friend in real time. D wanted to take me out for lunch. I talked to my friend, who said to me if I ever needed to talk that she would be there for me. It as nice. I wasn't numbed out on food, so I was there. I wasn't terribly dissociated. And I did talk a bit but not too much, I was a bit anxious and that was okay.

We did do some taste testing at the organic bread place, but once again good enough, and not too much. I think I did okay. I am not attacking myself so much which is an improvement.

I wasn't numbed out on food, so I was there. It was really hard to be honest.

We did do some taste testing at the organic bread place, but once again good enough, and not too much.

There is enough food for me to eat. I will be okay. I will make it. I can make the changes to manage this. I will slip and slide. Set backs are to be expected but I will recover from them. Beating myself doesn't work. So I can put the lash down.

 

[Finchlet2]

Hi you awesome people I'm finding this thread so helpful and am terrified of sounding patronising here as I'm sure you all know the dangers of excessive insulin but please please trust me cos I know personally how rough this is but please please take this health warning seriously cos I'm specialising in the endocrine system for my studies and basically if you binge on fast carbs long term you are going to f*ck your body up forever. I understand the uncontrollable need to binge and for the content to be heavy on the carbs but complex carbs don't cause the same long term irreversible damage to your health so next binge people please if you still care about yourselves on some level even if suppressed reach for the wholegrain or sweet potatoes. I binges on cucumber and tuna sandwiches last night and am full of self hatred today but cos of the type of food I can reassure myself I haven't caused long term damage. I am no longer ready to kill myself. Time to live again

 

[ms spock]

So I went out for a Xmas dinner tonight, which I wasn't too keen on going to, so I did taste the food a bit and didn't eat too much, skipped dessert, but I was anxious so I didn't Mindfully eat my food, but every mouthful I eat with mindfulness that I actually taste is a victory for me. I had a number of victories tonight.

 

[ms spock]

And you didn't sound patronising to me. Your understanding is so much more advanced than mine in those arenas.

... am full of self hatred today but cos of the type of food I can reassure myself I haven't caused long term damage. I am no longer ready to kill myself.

I really get the self hatred.

Proud of you for shifting out of the being ready to kill yourself. That is a solid move.

Time to live again

Good on you! I am doing my best to go in that direction.

 

[ms spock]

So since I made a decision to go to sleep early each night, I am not doing so well, it is complicated by the fact that I actually need a safe for me home to live in. So I ate four slices of bread last night, that I didn't need. But given this is a really entrenched from a really young age behaviour at least I am willing to change, and looking in how to fine tune this. I will keep at it, but so far, no actually following the plan. The going to a Xmas Party and getting home late is really not working for me at all. And looking back, ditching that Xmas party would have been the way to go.

I have been here in this position of recovery many times. I just have to keep it in my mine, not beat myself up (Yeah not easy I know) and keep doing the littlest increments to move towards this goal each and every day, so I know how to do the next part in some ways, in the other ways I will learn as I go along.

 

[ninja]

I have difficulty following a plan. I've had to slowly learn to give up planning and to really work at my relationship with my body, with my feelings so that I can eliminate the cravings and anxiety by getting all of the pieces of me on board, so that none of me feels restricted, restrained or afraid. This has only begun to happen as I start to believe and have desire to treat my body with great respect. I had to learn that I deserve respect, that my body deserves respect, & did deserve respect but was not always given it. Take the best care.