So called confident people.....

[Rani G2]

The approval thing I need that often because, "I can't get that from myself." So you (I) seek it in others or from others

It is hard Mach123. We are on our way realizing and making small changes

 

[Deleted member 541]

@PURUSHA Confidence is something that comes after working on your trauma and you start to feel better. When you’re depressed, anxious, nervous, scared, triggered, and suffering the shit from PTSD, most of us are just fighting to get our heads above water. Confidence isn’t even on the horizon.

I think your biggest issue is very low self esteem. I think you struggle with this and think that if you could just be like everyone else, then things would be ok. It can, but you first need to deal with the trauma of your PTSD. Get a handle on that and then all of the other issues will fall into place.

 

[Rani G2]

I think you struggle with this and think that if you could just be like everyone else, then things would be ok. It can, but you first need to deal with the trauma of your PTSD. Get a handle on that and then all of the other issues will fall into place.

Thank you, yes I am on the process of descovering and transforming....

 

[Rani G2]

Its not so much the selfesteem... there is a part of me which is confident and selfreliant but I get triggered by a certain kind of dominant behaviour....thats where I need to look at.

 

[Rani G2]

After discussing this something is resurfacing... I am aggressive and feel like I want revenge... I think I will just try to write down this elsewhere

 

[Rani G2]

Dear @PURUSHA , Idk if this is at all helpful, but IME if I feel intimidated it is often because I don't feel I have the tools to handle another person's demands or behaviours towards me (enforce my boundaries), or I recognize that another's actions are deceitful but I cannot protect others, or I do not feel I am competent in a skill or requirement.

Thanks Junebug....

A few Days ago there was someone at my working place who was talking loud on the phone...she was upset because of something and a little aggressive not towards me but on the phone. The thing is she is a nice person, so I didnt tell her to go out of the office and talk. I felt a bit scared because she was clearly aggressive due to something which was objectively upsetting. Now I feel I was weak for feeling scared, she didnt are about her behaviour, but I Couleur been more assertive....


Now My mind running on black/white mode. “You were weak because you Didnt tell her to talk outside“. Urghhhhh...

she didnt are

She didnt care about her behaviour, I couldve been more assertive.I dislike the “not assertive me“. I want to feel strong 100%. But I dont.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Was it your job to tell her to go outside???? Are you the supervisor and in a position to tell her this??? If not, it’s no big deal and let it go. You can not control others moods, aggressive behavior or any other behavior. The only thing you can do is control YOUR behavior and how you react.

Because some person talks loud or aggressive on the phone, should not be an issue, unless you are the boss!!!!

 

[Rani G2]

Was it your job to tell her to go outside???? Are you the supervisor and in a position to tell her this??? If

No I am not the boss there. I couldve, but I am not the boss.

 

[Freida]

Now I feel I was weak for feeling scared, she didnt are about her behaviour, but I Couleur been more assertive....

As an overly confident person - who can sometimes turn into an aggressive beootch if she isn't careful - I'm going to correct you. I am fine with people politely telling me that I am getting loud or being cranky. But if I'm in a mood it won't do any good. I don't really have a temper, but I can be incredibly mean and sarcastic if I'm embarrassed or upset. Someone interrupting me when I'm on the phone arguing to tell me to quiet down? Shameful to admit but I wouldn't always react well to that. Tell me about it later when I can be contrite and apologize and I'm fine. Challenge me when I'm upset at your peril. (It is something I'm actively working on!)

You shouldn't feel that you were weak or scared. You should feel like you correctly assessed the situation, what you could do to change it and the temperament of the other person. You recognized that the person you wanted to confront was not stable, assessed the risk of going down that road, and chose to let it play out instead of making it worse. I think you were pretty smart.

 

[Rani G2]

You recognized that the person you wanted to confront was not stable, assessed the risk of going down that road, and chose to let it play out instead of making it worse. I think you were pretty smart.

Thanks freida!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I recognize that another's actions are deceitful but I cannot protect others, or I do not feel I am competent in a skill or requirement. However, I've also noticed those who actively 'push' their confidence on to others (ie appear "loudly 'confident' " vs " quietly 'confident' ") often dance a fine line between bullying +/ or my-way-or-runway behaviour, and are actually IMHO, insecure. Like a dog barking, or an animal puffing up it's chest to ward off threat.

Junebug I love reading you because you say things like these. I agree with what you are saying very much and thank you for sharing your true self here. I believe you are a quietly confident person. Purusha I am sorry for getting off topic.

a person content to live with healthy boundaries and being their true self, regardless of what others' opinions may be.

The first is living in a respectful balance to others, the 2nd is focused on self-gain simply because you can.

But I'm too busy and too pre-occupied to care about it.

This is so great. Purusha you have a very good topic for a thread. I hope for the day when I am too pre-occupied to care.

 

[Rani G2]

There is a part of me which believes that a loud, barking, aggressive attitude is a sign for strength, someone who is not scared of confrontating others, and would even fight or needed. Rationally I know thats Bullsh*, but I absolutely hate to “not “ fight back.

I had selfdefence courses and will Do more.