lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
I remember that thought. I acted as if they were still there for an entire decade after I was actually "free". I wasn't free. Not in my mind. I remember being huddled in the corner of my therapist's office, whispering, afraid they would come and get me and still I was terrified he was going to tell them and then they'd come and get me. It's when he suggested writing notes back and forth so I didn't have to say it outloud. The endless battles between him and I. Him trying to tell me in so many ways that I am free and me insisting that I wasn't. It took time. A lot of time. CBT as JL is mentioning is great. Challenging core beliefs is hard as they are quite literally the core of your being. But it is doable. I joined here during that battle. I think the biggest damn had to be broken (which happened here) for me to realize that I was indeed free. Which, for me, was to admit to myself that it was abuse, they were f*cked up pedophile, likely phsycopathic, cult leaders (calling them cult leaders came later - calling it a cult came later I think) but yes, I remember that feeling well.
I also remember the terror of being hauled of to a mental hospital and locked up forever. I remember writing on here and then erasing it all. What if someone here found me and then told on me? Goodness, I lerked here for months before I joined due to that fear. But I remembered something someone told me once. Fear is False Evidence Apearing Real. Ok, partly true as it could be fear over a real thing but reading through the replies here, how likely is that to be real fear over something real? Or, could it be your mind barbarding you with a shit ton of "what ifs" that may not make sense based on what the actual laws are? That would be a challege for your congitive distortion that's going on. Conitive disortions is something else I am also very familuar with as I think I had them all. Still do. But the key is to identify what is a congitive distortion and then challenge it with the opposite thought. For me anyway. So, "they are going to come and take me away" (a cognitive distortion) becomes "they have no idea where I am, how to contact me, and the only way I can be locked up today, as an adult, is if I am harming myself or another" (reality - and can be found in US and State laws as well). I found my ability to research things a plus here and my therapist gave me the question "how likely is that to happen" and to scale it. Then he had me put why it was likely or why it wasn't. - As homework - Then together we would research it. It gave me a great start at finding, identifying, and then challeging congitive distortions, thus changing them.
There's a great article on here about congitive distortions too but it would take me all night to find it. I think a good start good be to just research what a congitive distortion is. What thought patterns are. And start from there?
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