Hey Rain, Shimmerz here. You know I know the pain you are in. On top of that you are having to go off of your meds, not because you want to, but because you are being forced to. I am so very sorry what is happening to you right now.
The thing is though, that situations change. And there is going to be a correction in many of your relationships because you are getting so much stronger and healthier. It is standard procedure. Super, super painful stuff, there is no question about it. And you know that I have gone through the removing attachments thing with my kids. Which maybe wasn't so much about attachment to them as much as it was about attachment to the dysfunction. It took some time to adjust, but man, it feels better now.
And the thing is, your daughter is deeply disturbed right now. I would be scratching my head at you if you hadn't put boundaries into place. And there are consequences for sending your mother a video of you harming yourself. As I recall there are some drug and alcohol issues with your daughter, are there not? Her kids will see how screwed up all of this is, it is just now that they rely on her for their safety (?) and survival. There will come a time when their heads clear and they will understand that you did EXACTLY what a good grandmother should do.
So I know how hard this has been. But things can and will change. If there is anything about this world that I can guarantee, it is that things change regardless of how much I used to insist that they stay the same. And they will change for your daughter (perhaps a crisis that will ultimately lead to her thinking more clearly). They will change for your grandchildren. They will change for you.
It is going to be alright. The task at hand is getting you back onto your meds and doing whatever you can in order to get them again. That will help. For now? Distract, distract, distract! Gardening? Enjoying the sunshine? Watching a good movie? A bubble bath? Terrarium stuff? What do you love honey? What brings you comfort? And do that.
Much love to you my friend
Shimmerz
The thing is though, that situations change. And there is going to be a correction in many of your relationships because you are getting so much stronger and healthier. It is standard procedure. Super, super painful stuff, there is no question about it. And you know that I have gone through the removing attachments thing with my kids. Which maybe wasn't so much about attachment to them as much as it was about attachment to the dysfunction. It took some time to adjust, but man, it feels better now.
And the thing is, your daughter is deeply disturbed right now. I would be scratching my head at you if you hadn't put boundaries into place. And there are consequences for sending your mother a video of you harming yourself. As I recall there are some drug and alcohol issues with your daughter, are there not? Her kids will see how screwed up all of this is, it is just now that they rely on her for their safety (?) and survival. There will come a time when their heads clear and they will understand that you did EXACTLY what a good grandmother should do.
So I know how hard this has been. But things can and will change. If there is anything about this world that I can guarantee, it is that things change regardless of how much I used to insist that they stay the same. And they will change for your daughter (perhaps a crisis that will ultimately lead to her thinking more clearly). They will change for your grandchildren. They will change for you.
It is going to be alright. The task at hand is getting you back onto your meds and doing whatever you can in order to get them again. That will help. For now? Distract, distract, distract! Gardening? Enjoying the sunshine? Watching a good movie? A bubble bath? Terrarium stuff? What do you love honey? What brings you comfort? And do that.
Much love to you my friend
Shimmerz
