When do you say the important stuff?

[Deleted member 541]

I get the surgery thing. I too live alone and this is a huge issue for me too. I suggest, as someone here suggested to me, to try and hire someone to drive and stay with you. Or at least drive you to and from the hospital.

I’m sorry that you’re going through so much crap, sometimes life sucks...

 

[Justmehere]

He's so stressed out about his roommate situation it doesn't seem fair to add to his load.

Just because he is dealing with an on-going roommate issue doesn’t mean the relationship needs to be so one-way. That’s not a healthy relationship.

When I’ve been going through :poop: one of the best things has been to get my head off myself and help someone else.

What you feel about the situation is very understandable. I’d be more worried about your mental health if you felt happy being treated so poorly. Not that I want you to be treated poorly but I want to reassure you, your sense of what is and didn’t ok is spot on.

The only thing you are expecting too much on is his ability to know what you think and feel and expect. Tell him. Be fair enough to him to tell him any expectations you have. (and they all seem reasonable.)

I’d feel terrible if I knew a friend or a boyfriend was resenting me because I wasn’t meeting their expectations but they didn’t tell me what they were or how bad they were feeling....

Have you asked him outright if he could stay with you for those 24 hours and drive you to/from surgery? Even just to pick you up in the evening and stay the night with you. Maybe it can be a chance to get away from his roommate.... and help both of you out?

If he can’t, don’t give up. I was in the same bind for surgery once. If nothing else, talk to the doc. Sometimes they can admit a patient for the first 24 hours, even for an outpatient procedure. Sometimes they can arrange home health too. You are not the first or last person who needed a medical procedure but didn’t have help.

Keep communicating what you need. :hug:

 

[Muttly]

Relationship - I feel like such a wuss. I have decided to break up with him. I've written out an email. No, i am not going to break up via email. I will find a time when he's available to talk and then send the email. I just have a lot of trouble communicating with the spoken word. But I haven't done it. Life has been/felt very chaotic and I guess there's been a few rushed texts when I know he or I won't have time to communicate I haven't talked to him. And now he's sent me a text asking how I am and I haven't answered. Partly just because I'm so freaking overloaded but also because I'm avoiding because I'm afraid it's going to lead into the the talk. pathetic

The only thing you are expecting too much on is his ability to know what you think and feel and expect. Tell him. Be fair enough to him to tell him any expectations you have. (and they all seem reasonable.)

Ok, you are right about me not telling him enough about how I feel. I have some. As far as what I think and feel, we have had some of those conversations. Not about surgery, but before this. I guess though.... probably being in a relationship were my partner doesn't show interest in me (that's poorly phrased, but hopefully you get the gist) is too triggering and not what I want. And all the old voices come back telling me I am too needy and a burden. :/


Surgery- I think I'm ok now. More or less. Two different friends have offered their help (without me asking) so between them I think I have it. It's 9 days away and trying to work, talk to l&i, talk to the doctor, get things set up so after surgery is manageable, take care of all my critters and I also needed to do my business taxes has been overwhelming. (If I was whiny I'd mention how my knee is getting worse and so that's making it harder)

 

[Muttly]

I finally did it. I broke up with him

 

[EveHarrington]

Hugs.

I know it’s not easy.

 

[Friday]

I broke up with him

Congratulations, hon :)

It hurts, and it’s hard to break up with someone we care about. That’s normal. It’s not a reason not to do it, and it doesn’t mean it was the wrong thing to do. In healthy relationships heartbreak often outweighs the relief, and emotions tend to be a clusterf*ck for awhile. Only in abusive relationships do be stay because we care, regardless of everything else that has happened, is happening, or is not what we want out of life or a partner. (Note, I am NOT saying he’s abusive; I’m saying that what we learn inside of abusive relationships makes it very hard to act inside a healthy relationship.).

So this was a huge enourmous gigantic first for you. Leaving someone you care about, because you’ve realized they’re not right for you... is monumental. Well done.

 

[Muttly]

@Friday I think you said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

 

[Muttly]

I see him tomorrow. It was the day he could fit me in his schedule after surgery. I do want to see him? Part of me does. Hanging out together has never been the problem. He will be nice and helpful. I just... I'm feeling a jumble of feelings about us and don't know how awkward it will be.