Heartbroken inside

[BlueWeepingRose]

I'm heartbroken inside. It seems like when guys like me, they only like me for my looks and that's it. I want to get to know the person and make sure their worth the effort. However most guys only want sex and I feel like I'm forever doomed looked at like an sex object.

I was rape, sexually abused and in an domestic violence relationship... so it's so hard for me to have sex at all. I don't want to be just looked at like a sex object. Sometimes I fear that I'll forever be alone and never get in another relationship again. Many times anytime this happens I cry. I've had guys openly admit to me that they just wanted sex and didn't think they could be with me since I have PTSD.... so I feel like I'll be forever alone and never get in another serious relationship again. :(

So I have to crush on actors and what not to fill my head up with peace and happiness since I've been single for a year now. I like certain guys and get close to them and each of them have said the same thing or like someone else. So I end up only speaking to them in friendly terms, but some of them flirt with me even though their crazy about someone else. This is something that baffles me and I don't get. I know when I'm in a relationship or like someone, all I think about is that person and that person only. I suck at flirting and I wouldn't want to make the person I'm crazy about to feel bad. Maybe I'm the odd one.

Inside my head, I feel like I'll always be alone. :( Sorry for the rant but I'm upset now and needed to get this out.

Thanks for listening..

 

[EveHarrington]

Can I ask how old you are?

Hugs.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

Can I ask how old you are?

Hugs.

I'm 35 years old. Why?

I'm looking for real love, than flings or one night stands. People look at me like I'm weird.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I suggest that you work really hard on your trauma. Work with your therapist on the really tough shit that comes up. Work with your T to figure out ways that you might feel safe within a sexual relationship. Learn how to say no and stop without feeling guilty. Learn to feel more comfortable within your own skin.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm 35 years old. Why?

I'm looking for real love, than flings or one night stands. People loo...

Ok, so we’re in the same age range.

I was wondering if you were in your 20’s as guy of that age range......Yeah.

I started dating older guys. I don’t know if I’m lucky or what, but older guys haven’t wanted me for JUST sex.

I don’t think you’re odd for not wanting flings. I don’t understand that lifestyle, really.

 

[sleepingwolf]

Thanks for sharing your feelings. I hear what you are saying, and relate. I would say it's a big struggle for all of us.

I agree with concentrating on healing your trauma, as that will help a great deal. It did with me. I would also suggest to have a think about what you are really after in someone, what qualities, what boundaries, what matters to you, what doesn't. This is so you can say 'no way!' right away with someone (on first meeting them I mean), and perhaps open your eyes to new people and possibilities out there.

I would also advise to not look to hard for anyone, they will come when you are ready. Also go to new places and new experiences where nice and kind people hang out. By this I mean Meditation classes or retreats, yoga classes, book clubs, well-being stuff, gardening and community projects. I would stay clear of looking for a partner in bars, clubs and the usual 'social spots'. There are a lot of nice and kind people out there! I had to change my perspective and dating behaviour with my current partner, as years ago I would have totally overlooked them.

Good luck with it! :):hug: