Closeness in therapy moment

[UnicornSightings]

Whoa! So today I brought up vulnerability and how I wanted to work on that, it was basically a super fun session filled with laughter and I brought up how his kindness freaks me out. Anyway, he told me a vulnerable anecdote that related and I felt so weird after! Like we went from having fun to a serious moment and I immediately wanted out of it. I don’t deal well with other people being vulnerable. So I acted a bit weird and at the end he said he hoped he didn’t freak me out and I actually told him what was up! I told him how the helping part wants to do something and that just hearing someone without doing is difficult and I told him I loved that he shared it and we had a moment. And there are times when he will say “I HEAR that” like he gets exactly what I mean about something and has felt that way or similar and it’s so odd to bond! I thought I was close to my old therapist of 2 and a half years but I never for a moment felt that closeness with her. It was all transference attachment stuff.

Can you guys share about your experience with closeness in therapy and if you’re aftaid of it, comforted by it, etc.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Hi, I am so glad it went well! yay!!!!

I am very close, my T does not have a ton of clients as he does other things in his job besides just see clients, so there is like 10 or so I think. Anyway he has said on more than one occasion I am his "most attached" and I hate hearing that... because it means he is picking up on it.

The closeness is the single most terrifying thing for me in therapy, I HATE feeling it with anyone, it is the reason that every single week I think about quitting.... yet I keep telling myself to push through. With closeness long term, the big fear is being hurt... and even though I trust him more than anyone, I always wait for him to hurt me somehow.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Hi, I am so glad it went well! yay!!!!

I am very close, my T does not have a ton of clients as he d...

Haha, thanks! And thank you for sharing all that! I’m super terrified of closeness as well. For me it’s not being hurt so much it’s the goodbye and the pain that would bring. But I’m not gonna let that stop me. He seems to just really get me and he jokes when he feels uncomfortable as well so we have that in common and he understands it.

I would have a really hard time as well if I was told I was the most attached client! Why does he tell you that?

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Haha, thanks! And thank you for sharing all that! I’m super terrified of closeness as well...

I ask LOL... I ask if I am his most attached or if he has found someone else that is more.... but he said I am not the first, he had others in the past. He works with a lot of short term cases so I don't think they get things as bad...oh trust me I am sick over ending and such too. I can't handle the thought of it.... but the closeness itself with anyone scares me because I just expect myself to get hurt if I allow the closeness.

We have had chats about this and he knows I have thought of ghosting him almost weekly because of it. LOL... I have no problem telling him random thoughts like that, but talking about leaving him... nope. I can't

 

[UnicornSightings]

I ask LOL... I ask if I am his most attached or if he has found someone else that is more.... but he...

That’s so good that you are so open with him! Yeah, I told mine how I wanted to not go to sessions with my last t becuase I would think she hated me whenever I would disclose vulnerable things. Like who wants to go to therapy when you think your t wishes you’d stay home?! And I said that opening up about things invites those thoughts and that right now I don’t think he hates me and if he said he did, at this point, it wouldn’t break my heart so he knows it’s a fear. And he said that when I’m thinking something like that and I say that can be just tell me I’m being ridiculous? Lol! And I’m super blunt and we both joke a lot and I thought that was just a great idea!

 

[hymnless]

That’s so good that you are so open with him! Yeah, I told mine how I wanted to not go to s...

A couple months ago I had a moment of closeness with my t and it definitely made me feel a lot more trust with her. We had been talking about csa that I’d never verbalized to anyone before and she said something about knowing it would get better/easier/whatever. I was soooo angry and shouted something along the lines of “how the f*ck do you know?!? How do you really know any of this gets better? I’m so sick of everyone saying that because so far I’m not getting any better!” and I was so stressed and she just looked at me and very calmly said “because I’ve been exactly where you are right now. And I never thought it would get better either, but it did.”

So now because of that very intimate moment there’s some kind of built in trust, even when I fall off the trust wagon. I’ve occasionally asked questions about how she got to where she is, etc and she always answers but in a way that makes it clear that we’re not talking about her. It’s comforting to know that 1. I’m not alone and 2. there’s a way to get through. That said, I find closeness to be almost intolerable so it’s been interesting to work through that as well. Weird to know that she’s a human.... the one thing I hate is that she can read me like a book at this point lol

 

[Stephernovas]

I refuse to work with someone who isn't genuinely a good person and/or is willing to show me under all their degrees and professional behaviours they are a real person too. I believe I told her in the first session. If she was like that then she could walk out the door right now. lol..I've heard I can be intimidating.

 

[reallydown]

I was so stressed and she just looked at me and very calmly said “because I’ve been exactly where you are right now. And I never thought it would get better either, but it did.”

I always operate on the assumption that whatever the therapist is specializing in is the thing that they themselves are/were messed up with. Having said that, even then, not all are understanding...so maybe my assumption is bad lol

Staying with the thread, I'm with @Stephernovas...They need to show humanity and a level of intellect at least on my level (not hard...I'm not that smart) and chuck condescending attitudes out. Otherwise, I just give up and end up teasing then/messing with them which is really not very helpful.

I can't really say I've ever had that moment of closeness (even with the couple of good ones I had)...The closest I got was her allowing me to run my paper ideas by her (so nothing to do with my PTSD) so there was some intellectual shit that happened for a moment...

 

[Emotional girl]

It is strange because the moment which I got closest to my therapist is a session when I got angry with him and cried the whole session.After that session I realised that I had let him in,let my guard down and for the first time in my life I had trusted a man.
I do have transference towards him but at the same time I have these very genuine and real feelings towards him as well and I would say we are close and have a connection.

 

[Sideways]

I’m so glad that this was an awesome session for you. Please, the next time that something comes up with therapy or your T that causes you distress (and stuff like that always happens occasionally), remind yourself that you’ve dealt with uncomfortable stuff with your T before, and that actually, you handled it more than brilliantly, it actually made the relationship a lot stronger. I’m really big on taking opportunities to remind ourselves of our wins and successes, so I’m totally cheering for you:)