General What are they thinking?

[Louski]

I’m thinking you’re better off if I’m numb, I can function when I’m numb. I can do the...

Thank you for sharing @Warrior Chicken

 

[Louski]

Oh boy. Shopping. I do all the shopping. I know J can't handle it especially when it's crowded. Sometim...

My man hates supermarkets. He had a huge panic in one years ago and as a result finds it difficult to go in now. Something about the aisles. Not sure.

 

[Louski]

@Freida Even though I’m one of the feistier supporters on here, i want to say that I...

When my fiancé comes back out of his isolating time I am going to talk to him about this. So well put @Hojay. So helpful with wording too and thanks to @Warrior Chicken for raising the question. This thread is worth its weight in gold.

 

[Freida]

My man hates supermarkets. He had a huge panic in one years ago and as a result finds it difficult to go...

It's all long narrow aisles so you are basically in a tunnel and you can only see the end. you can't see what is on the other side of the wall but you hear voices, clangs, bangs and it is way too bright. and you cant see the exits. My guru taught me to deal with them by looking for available weapons as I go. 5 gallon bottles of milk I can hit someone with, cans I can throw, glass bottles I can break over somone's head, shopping cart I can run them over with, etc.

 

[Freida]

so. hubby asked me at the beginning of January what it was like to come back out of isolation. I had never really thought of it before so I tried to pay attention this time around....

Isolation for me is a like huge black fog in my brain that is pressing down on me from all sides. I can hear people on the outside of the fog but I can't tell where they are or if they are friend or foe. I'm afraid and ready to fight. I can still interact with people but it takes so much energy I usually just don't want to because I'm trying to hard to push the fog away. My hypervigalnce is on full alert, the fibro is running amuck and I see danger EVERYWHERE

This morning the fog has begun to turn a bit lighter - kinda grey instead of black. It's not pushing on me as hard so I can catch my breath a little easier. I can see shadows to go with the voices and while I'm still not sure who is friend or foe it's a little easier figure out where I am in the fog. I'm starting to get my bearings a bit. I've started to wonder about what damage control I have to do for whatever I've done while I've been "gone"
I'm still not ready to face the world .... We went grocery shopping and hubby said he thought he was going to have to put a bell on me cause he knew I was going to bolt. I made it thru but it was tough. I only went because I was feeling a bit better - guess not the best choice. It did kind of make me laugh since my last post was about why going to the store is such a challenge!

 

[Louski]

so. hubby asked me at the beginning of January what it was like to come back out of isolation. I had ne...

@Freida i don’t know how to thank you for all you are sharing on this thread. It is far and beyond the most helpful thread I have read and participated in. I am nearly ready to start my own thread and hopefully get some more insight from you all on my own relationship. I have been building up to it because it is hard to bare all isn’t it. I just wanted to say how very grateful I am for your bravery, candidness and honesty, especially as you are facing an episode right now. I cannot tell you how very relieving it is to hear, because I feel like you are a bit of a window into parts (and only parts because everyone is an individual and all of us are different) of what my fiancé goes through and feels. Thank you so much again. You are a really good person and your hubby is very lucky to have you.

 

[Freida]

@Louski awww..thank you! I'm really glad I started it also because I have learned so much from the supporters! So many things I never thought about from hubby/sister/friends side of the world. It's been humbling to see how hard they have to work -- and how oblivious I was/am. It's also been good for me because asking for help or telling people what I'm thinking is horrifying. I had no idea how people would react but its' been amazingly supportive. My Ts both thank you all too because its showing me people care- which is not something I expected

 

[Freida]

here's another thing I just thought about.... This time around I reached out to strangers rather than my supporters and it has been amazingly helpful. But why? less risky I suppose. If I piss off people on a website (pretty sure i did that a couple times here!) it has less negative impact on my overall life than pissing off my supporters. Plus most of them are going thru the same thing I am - and this is the first year I've had that option.

I didn't think how that would feel to those around me though. Do they think I abandoned them in favor of people on a couple websites? Does it hurt their feelings that I told them to go away and I'll talk to them when I'm done isolating and then they find out I'm talking to others instead? In my brain I'm protecting them from the worst of this nightmare. They have to put up with me all year long -- they shouldn't have to do this if I have other options. For me it makes sense: the people I turn to are those who know exactly what I'm feeling so they understand. So my supporters get a break. That's a good thing..... right???

 

[Louski]

here's another thing I just thought about.... This time around I reached out to strangers rather than m...

I think that this is perfectly acceptable and if your supporters are supportive they would definitely understand and appreciate it. If I knew that my fiancé was talking to other strangers about his isolation I would be so happy because I would know that while he couldn’t reach out to me, because he doesn’t want to hurt me, he was getting support and help for what he is going through. I mean in a way he is doing this in that he is staying with a friend I don’t know. When you come out and talk to your supporters maybe it is worth telling them you found another outlet and how helpful it has been. These forums have been extremely helpful for me and I will be sharing with my spouse once he comes out of his fog.

 

[Louski]

i guess for me I should add that I find it so hard when my fiancé is isolating and so many times he has told me he wants to protect me from the nightmare and he doesn’t want to put me through looking after him when he is suffering an episode. So this episode I have to keep reminding myself of our conversations about it in the past and reading these forums backs up this so strongly as you have shared @Freida. I should say normally we are exceptional communicators so this particular episode is rather tough on me. He is only texting at the moment and it’s been 7 weeks since I saw him and 4 weeks since we actually spoke. Anyway this stuff is for another thread, but I wanted to say that I understand the protecting from the nightmare and you have really helped to clarify what that means and what you go through when you are isolating. my instinct as a supporter is to want to be there and help, and not being able to do it together and work through this stuff as a team (like I do with everything else in life) is a hard concept for me to grapple with and is what gets me down. It’s the helplessness part that I find really difficult. I know and understand the logic of isolation for my fiancé and I know I am something that he is unable to emotionally cope with on top of everything else he is going through right now, but for a natural nurturer the act of giving space as a loving act Is a complex and challenging road to walk down. I’m doing it though and this forum has really helped.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I wouldn't care if my vet was using a PTSD forum as support when he was having a rough time... I'd be thrilled! Its support he obviously needs from people who understand.

 

[Louski]

I wholeheartedly agree with you @Sweetpea76!!