Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up on family day which is a day that is a huge trigger for me. My boyfriend ended up taking a shift at work on the day we were suppose to go out and spend time together. As I mentioned it is a trigger day so didn't think he'd go to work. Any ways I went to a friends house and then he accused me of cheating on him, he said we were done and I felt nothin, zip. I was frustrated that he would do this on a trigger day so I got all my belongings before he returned to work, and the following day I changed my number. I also found out the following day that I lost my two sisters. I'm just trying to understand why I feel nothing about the break up, I don't feel sad (he was not abusive), I don't miss him, I feel indifferent to it. I feel like I'm on auto pilot or robot like. Nothing. In my mind I'm like o.k it is over, and my next thought is - I wonder if I should take a yoga class. See nothing. Can anyone relate?
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Emotionless after break up
- Post starter wishball
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Juso
Platinum Member
This sounds like you are dissociating full time, because the break-up is be too horrible to emotionally confront all at once. Or you are experiencing an emotional shutdown, as described here: https://childhoodtraumarecovery.com/2017/03/25/childhood-trauma-leading-to-adult-emotional-shutdown/
It says that during an abusive childhood: "we may bury/repress our emotions and enter a state of emotional shutdown as a way of trying to communicate to our parents/primary caregivers that they no longer have power over us and that they can no longer hurt us (whether or not this is actually the case); we attempt, in this manner, to render them impotent and simultaneously empower ourselves"
So maybe you felt such a loss of control when your boyfriend left you claiming that you cheated on him that you tried to shut down all of your emotions to not feel powerless.
One question: What do you mean by "that I lost my two sisters" -are you saying they died? If so, you might just be in severe shock. Is there anybody that could care for you, that you could talk to? I don't think it is good for you to be alone in that state.
It says that during an abusive childhood: "we may bury/repress our emotions and enter a state of emotional shutdown as a way of trying to communicate to our parents/primary caregivers that they no longer have power over us and that they can no longer hurt us (whether or not this is actually the case); we attempt, in this manner, to render them impotent and simultaneously empower ourselves"
So maybe you felt such a loss of control when your boyfriend left you claiming that you cheated on him that you tried to shut down all of your emotions to not feel powerless.
One question: What do you mean by "that I lost my two sisters" -are you saying they died? If so, you might just be in severe shock. Is there anybody that could care for you, that you could talk to? I don't think it is good for you to be alone in that state.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
...you are numb...
Very normal with ptsd. I go through it often.
Very normal with ptsd. I go through it often.
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- #4
Thing is I'm relieved, you see he proposed to me and I accepted, but when his mother didn't congratulate me on new years he gave me the silent treatment and was cold to me. I don't get it. I didn't do anything. Second he is still in the house he had with his ex wife (she still owns half). I've been having issues with my heart and he suggested selling. I told him that I can't be responsible for getting the house ready for show because of my heart and that it is his house and his ex wifes so she would have to do the work. He got angry and said he didn't want her around, then he said that he feels bad if his ex sees me around. I was like, what??? I have a heart condition and he expects me to do it, and not the woman who owns half the house? I have my own place, I'm not a maid service.
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- #5
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- #6
Opps I missed the part where you ask about my sisters. They died. The thing is there was a trauma with those exact two sisters, which may be why I've shut down. You see when I was about 6 I was in the basement and I was with those two sisters and my brother. My brother raped my sister. I witnessed it.
Juso
Platinum Member
To be honest I did not quite get the whole story. So he wanted you to buy the other half of the house that his ex wife owns? Or what exactly was he asking of you that was incompatible with your heart problems? Did he expect you to move her belongings out of the house? I don't understand, sorry ...
Are you scared that he left you because he was mad at you?
And I am very, very sorry to hear that your sisters died. Yes, I very sure that is the reason for your shut-down. I am not quite sure though what exactly happens to you right now because I am not familiar with these kinds of shock reactions.
Why did both of them die if I may ask? It sounds like it was something violent, because both passed away at the same time. This would be even more traumatic, I am worried about your health, that's why I am asking again: Is there anyone with you at the moment that you trust? Family, friends?
Are you scared that he left you because he was mad at you?
And I am very, very sorry to hear that your sisters died. Yes, I very sure that is the reason for your shut-down. I am not quite sure though what exactly happens to you right now because I am not familiar with these kinds of shock reactions.
Why did both of them die if I may ask? It sounds like it was something violent, because both passed away at the same time. This would be even more traumatic, I am worried about your health, that's why I am asking again: Is there anyone with you at the moment that you trust? Family, friends?
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- #8
He had proposed to me 4 months into our relationship in Dec, the date was set for May 5th. She has long moved out and has none of her things. All that is left to do is sell the house. He wanted to put the house on the market so that we could have a home together. I have my own place, but he wanted me to help him get the house ready for show - to be sold. He didn't want his ex coming around and getting hurt by seeing me or the odd things I had around. I haven't been able to inquire about how my sisters died, I just couldn't talk about it. I do have some amazing people at my church but I choose to just move on and isolate. Actually since I've been away from his place the condition of my heart has improved.
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- #9
I just got too freaked out, too much was happening too fast. I accepted the proposal but I really wasn't ready. I am happy in my own place, the relationship was too new for me to get married, or even think of buying a house with someone. And we had been off and on so many times I didn't trust him. I guess to sum up. It was happening too fast without building the much needed trust I had to have first. I felt like he was trying to get me to walk a tight rope without a net underneath.
Juso
Platinum Member
He sounds like an impulsive person, is that true? 4 months really are not a long time, and considering you have been off and on so many times it probably was good that this relationship ended, if I may say that - he did not seem to care a lot about your needs but just wanted to pursue his dreams. He probably projected a lot of his wishes and imaginations on you, wanting to marry you and to move in with you. Doesn't sound too healthy to me, but then again I wasn't there so I can not judge the situation very well.
The things with your sisters - doesn't it have priority now? Are you in therapy? If not I would strongly advice you to seek help - this is too much to handle on your own. I know it first seems easier to isolate, but in the long run it is a very destructive thing to do.
The things with your sisters - doesn't it have priority now? Are you in therapy? If not I would strongly advice you to seek help - this is too much to handle on your own. I know it first seems easier to isolate, but in the long run it is a very destructive thing to do.
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- #11
You are correct on the impulsive comment, and yes he seemed to focus on his own needs. The situation with my sisters are complicated. You see I disconnected with my family years ago as there was a lot of fighting and drug use and I'm clean I have never taken drugs. Thank you for all your concern, it is very sweet, and I appreciate you time dearly. I am in therapy and right now the therapist and with what has happened he wants me to focus on therapy and self care - not on relationships. He said it is too much for me at the time either being in a new relationship or reconciliation.
Juso
Platinum Member
It seems like you have a lot to heal from, your story sounds heartbreaking. I hope you will find peace with the two sisters you have lost. It is good to know you are in therapy right now. Yes, self-care is of utmost importance now. I know this sounds like a cliché, but stay strong and if you ever need advice, I think this will be a perfect place to turn to.:hug:
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