Sufferer No one else i can talk to

[Angrylittlebird]

Hi Angry, Being numb or putting so much effort into deflecting emotion is all consuming, all th...

I’m a grandmother but not near medicaid age yet. Hubby does not want to acknowledge or be involved. I am considering finding another therapist, the members who have recommended a trauma therapist have me considering that. I get by through self-help books and prayer and Bible study. The Body Keeps the Score has helped me tremendously to understand. It was very triggering, but helped me to process so much of my family dynamics. I have a new copy I’m keeping for my mother for whenever, if ever, she is in a safe place emotionally to be able to benefit from it. I’m finding the member forums for dissociation very helpful. This seems to be my biggest problem in functioning. That’s all I want. To FUNCTION. Well, some justice too, but that’s not going to happen until God takes care of it. I just wish I could pull my head out of it and get on with living, you know? I’m going to do some research on “stress cups”? -something I read about on the dissociation forum. I’m not sure if others expect more than I can handle, or if I do it to myself. I do have a friend, and my youngest, who tell me repeatedly that I need to learn to say no. I just hate feeling like I can’t handle things and get things done.

 

[Friday]

The ptsd cup explanation <<< click the link here :)

 

[Still Standing]

I need to learn to say no. I just hate feeling like I can’t handle things and get things done.

Hey Angry! Yup, saying "no" is a great way to dissipate some of the pressure you face. I had to learn this some time ago. It was liberating. As long as everyone knows you are an easy "yes" person, they will make you their "come to" person until you are lying on the ground empty of anything more to give. Kids and church people are great at doing this. I actually started saying "no" in my church community. I did only those things I thought God was prompting me to do. Anything else, I backed out of. It was liberating. And things got done, I found out, with or without me. I began to be able to enjoy church activities because I was not the one always putting on the events. Then I started saying "no" to whatever social activities I did not want to do. Again, it was a great relief. I hadn't realized how much pressure I was putting on myself by always be available to everyone. People will survive if they get their noses twitched a bit by you saying, "no" to them. Life will go on. I guess this is setting boundaries and boundaries are good. The only downside to this, for me, is that as my PTSD got bad (before I sought therapy), I pulled away from almost everything and everybody. I am having to learn how to integrate people and activities back, into my life, in a healthy manner, now. But this is good, this time. As for justice, for me, I simply chose to forgive those who negatively impacted my life. It does not excuse what they did but it does cut the ties of wanting vengeance against them. That just eats up too much energy and keeps that energy from being available to put toward going forward and healing. God says He will avenge, whether in this life or the next. It is not my place to do this. As a Christian, you know this. It is enough that you focus on your own self. If your therapist is not a PTSD specialist, you need to find one. A trauma specialist is best. Keep us posted on your journey. And if you are not too far off from being on Medicare, it is a wonderful program to use for mental health care.

 

[Angrylittlebird]

The ptsd cup explanation <<<...

Thank you!

 

[Angrylittlebird]

Hey Angry! Yup, saying "no" is a great way to dissipate some of the pressure you face. I had t...

Thank you, ‘Still Standing’. And my Christian faith is helping me everywhere but the forgiveness part. And that is definitely a good deal of my anger. I don’t see it happening though. There are some truly evil people in this world.

 

[Freida]

Hi Angry

wow -- you have a lot to deal with right now.


I get the hubby and friends with their heads in the sand thing. My hubby is supportive but we decided at the beginning that I would talk about what was going on in therapy but not the stories behind it. It seemed to help because he knew that if I told him the story it would upset him to the point that he might not be able to cope. The rest of my family? Yea. No. They are so in denial that there is a problem that they have no idea why I have a service dog. I had to let it go and just accept that they love me as much as they are capable of but they can't handle this. Same with many of my friends. It has been interesting to see who has stood beside me on this journey and who bailed -- and it wasn't the ones I expected.

Therapy is a must. I agree a trauma therapist is the best option if you can find one. The whole "I want to function" thing comes from understanding how you have been functioning up till now and how you could do it more easily. My T told me once that if I used the energy that I expend pretending I'm ok to do something different with my life I would invent a cure for cancer! LOL There is only so much you can do on your own - for some of this professional guidance is needed. And it's pretty common to try 2 or 3 before you find one you like --- and even longer to get to a place where you trust them with your story.

There are some truly evil people in this world.

This has been one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with -- those who get away with evil that can't even be described. The lack of justice, the discovery of true evil, the anger I'm too dissociated to feel -- all more parts of the challenge that is ptsd

I'm glad you found your way to this site.....

 

[EveHarrington]

My point of view.....

People hate it when others change. My guess is that you’ve been strong, always there for others and doing things for others.

This side of you is distressing to them so they are all balking.

The thing is that if you want to heal, you’re going to need to stand strong and make them learn to adjust to this side of you as opposed to you backing down and pretending to be fine.

Welcome!

 

[Freida]

wow! @EveHarrington that was perfect!!