I don't think it registered that you had head injuries before you became the fungus
Probably because I forgot, lol. I've just been hoping it'll go away without effort.
That's some good healing!)
Thank you!
could that be part of how you got so tangled up with Brandi?
Maybe. I didn't make this connection before, but now that I really think about it, I dived in after the TBI diagnosis. I could barely read or type but even in doctor's offices I had to contact Brandi. But I was creative before that as well, but that could still be related. But while I was supposed to be healing, I was refusing to do a medical withdrawal from University, and trying to deal with B at the same time.
The thing with B started in 2008, but the Fungus thing started May 2016. I got the TBI diagnosis in December 16 or 17, maybe 19 2016. While studying for a very difficult final exam. So I could say it's not the whole story -- although my TBI diagnosis is very weird and fragmented.
The final exam I was studying for was plant systematics and evolution. Hard class. That was when I found out I was identifying things incorrectly, even if they weren't human faces. I ended up needing a ton of help and the professor actually helped me with my independent research -- because he was humored but concerned by questions I was sending him.
I had three leaves that I thought were from three different trees, but was having trouble pinning down which species. Then I thought, maybe it's two species? So I asked Dr. E for help identifying, and 15 seconds later he replied to my email with just the no-punctuation phrase, "That's all one tree" lol. He came in within the hour (on a Saturday!) to check on me :D
That class was from August 2016 to December 2016. I was already having strong symptoms of cognition problems, even before the TBI diagnosis.
In June or July of 2016 I was already spending my work day on telling Brandi her demon's past and even a brand new family life (which is still incredibly vivid and important to my brain right now), which I had changed very suddenly from a possessing demon to a predator that sometimes eats leaves and is rather docile, making it match things in biology I could recall easier. Brandi thanked me for "telling the truth" and telling her that, so I suppose the change interested her and I was validated. She told me she liked knowing how her family was. And if they're in my head then they could change a bit when things started getting confusing. Hm.
I'm also wondering if you were creating those fantasy worlds as a child to escape the reality of your life? All kids have fantasy worlds and imaginary friends. Could yours have stuck around because they were so beneficial to you?
My T has said this to me, so I guess I should just accept it!
It's also what I told Brandi when I finally told her it wasn't real. And... now that I think about it, I didn't want to say it wasn't real anymore, but I also did at the same time. It felt like some kind of addiction that I needed to thrive and function in my life. I referred to myself as an alcoholic at one point, as a Fungus to B. But maybe it was the head injury thing, and the fact that at one point I WAS using it to survive. And I really did love the characters to an extent. I never wanted my characters to not be real. Probably because of survival reasons.
But yes, as a kid I was severely neglected and left in a room in a cage with my twin brother and my little brother. We created elaborate stories to survive. I doubt we would have otherwise. I started writing book by age four or so and they were surprisingly elaborate, though illustrated with stencils and the binding being stapled notebook paper. Usually they were about cats, birds, orphans, and fun stuff like that. Also clowns -- friendly clowns.
I used stories to make friends in elementary school. Only one person through all those years ever accused me of "lying" but she wasn't quite right. I remember trying to avoid her because she was mean and into drugs by age 12ish. Not my kind of crowd.
When I was with that pedophile, I went off into those fantasies more than ever -- even during/through head injuries. Same with my dad. I started using them to ignore his yelling at a very young age -- about 5. Eventually learned I could use them to avoid anxiety and depression.
And I had imaginary friends also. All of my siblings except maybe my older sister had Mr. Nobody, which was mostly a large joke.
I remember at a very young age seeing cartoon characters visiting me, and a certain drum could take me to see them -- that feels like some kind of psychosis looking back, but I don't really understand childhood.
But yeah, I'm thinking it was a survival technique. And definitely not evil or me being manipulative and taking advantage of people. That's just... weird to say, looking at it this way.
