How to have trust in therapy again?

[MyWillow]

Just picked up on something...I reckon “resistance” is a word that describes when a T doesn’t know what to do.

Bear with me...in dog training people label their dogs as stubborn, naughty, distracted. I keep the judgements out of it. What have I got? And what do I want? How am I going to bridge the gap? If I can’t do it the lacking is in my skill set not in the dog’s personality. Make sense?

 

[ILoveLife]

That makes sense.
But there are also dogs more difficult to train than others right? It doesn't mean it's impossible, just a bit more difficult.
But I do agree, without the skill set it becomes impossible.
Thanks for that insight, will take it with me

 

[somerandomguy]

So maybe a good thing to lead with when talking to a new T is your experiences with other Ts. I've done this in the past and I've found the new T's reaction to be very telling in whether I think they will be helpful going forward.

Defensiveness or, god forbid, anger are red flags. So is a shrug and a "so what" attitude. Messianic responses - like "only I can help you" - are probably the thing that will get me to run away the fastest. My best Ts have been able to sympathize with my bad experiences and have reflected a quiet self-confidence in their own abilities. YMMV.

 

[MyWillow]

That makes sense.
But there are also dogs more difficult to train than others right? It doesn't mean it's...

Not in my mind. Just different motivations and different fears. It’s all in how you frame it. When you take the judgement out it’s all about finding solutions rather than looking for the problems. It then becomes about the journey rather than the destination. Looking for the gifts as the teacher. Easier on everyone :)

 

[ILoveLife]

Ah! Makes sense.
Need a good T!

Defensiveness or, god forbid, anger are red flags. So is a shrug and a "so what" attitude. Messianic responses - like "only I can help you" - are probably the thing that will get me to run away the fastest.

Good advice, as always. Will keep that in mind :)

 

[MyWillow]

Ah! Makes sense.
Need a good T!

Needs one? Yes. Deserves one? Absolutely xxx

 

[ILoveLife]

Thank you @MyWillow :)

 

[grit]

hi sietz

how are you today?

I was like you for 47 yrs. I did not bother even going to therapy because one of my symptoms is I am difficult and I "hate" authority and I really do not want someone telling me I am mentally ill and more...that I am functional...I have a great job, nice place, great husband...what is the problem? right? wrong?
Your fears are real. Your ego is soft and under developed. This is just my opinion. You are extremely protected and rightfully so.
IMHO, I think you are better off in group therapy...specifically for women only. you do not have to say much or disintegrate or go into transferences (which are nasty for people like us ---assuming this is true for you as well)...it is easy to go to transference psychosis...which is basically at least for me, meant dream like scene of when I was between 1 to 4yrs old. It is absolutely frightening and honestly if I did not have strong relationships outside of therapy, I would never go to therapy.

Group therapy on the other hand, you have way more control over yourself. if the leader asks you to contribute, you can respectfully say you are not ready yet. You can listen, and learn and gained some strength in your ego so you are not fearful of connecting with a therapist. You may even start to like the group leader and have her or him as therapist.

Bottom line is this life is too short. you do not have mental illness. you have tragic past. there is difference and do not let anyone trap you into believing because one is abused as a child, one has mental issues...who would not?

Find a time limited group therapy to try it out. again you do not have to say much and you will see people much more closed and protected than you and you will experience a lot of empathy - the real cure for PTSD...especially CPTSD...because at the end we all need to love, care and protect that wounded inner child.

If it helps, find group that is good for inner child work...no CBT or DPt ...also if you are lucky in your area, find one that adds breathing and mindfulness to the practice...even more amazing for those like us who cannot be vulnerable so easy. After you learn about connecting within, your strength to face anyone will increase.

All the best to you.

 

[ILoveLife]

Hi @grit

I was like you for 47 yrs

Reading what you wrote, I really think it's nothing like my situation.

Thank you for your insight and advice anyway, hope you're doing well. :)