Will therapy make me remember?

[piratelady]

Alas, I have more therapy questions. I had my latest therapy appointment yesterday and it turns out I omitted a bit of information about my past when we initially started working together. It came up when I told him about some distressing memories from my younger years that have started to surface. As we talked about it, I told him there are a lot of gaps in my memory of that time.

My question is: for those of you further along in processing your trauma, did the work bring back some of those lost memories?

Part of me thinks I'd rather they remain lost, and another part of me wants to know. The thought of working through it scares me a bit, but I see the necessity in persevering. I'm hoping if I can understand it better I'll be a little less nervous. Although at this point, I'm not sure there is much that will calm my nerves lol.

 

[Mach123]

Simply put, no. Not yet, maybe never. I don't like to think that. Im so convinced I have repressed memories, but the therapist thinks I was very young. She says 'my body remembers.' I always thought I'd have som big, cathartic, remembering event? Sometimes I can feel it like I almost remember. It haunts me.

 

[NightSky]

Not in my experience. I read about these memories that come “flooding back” to people but that has never happened for me. It was 20 years ago that I had some weird flashes of pictures that I will never know if they’re real. My T also always tells me the body remembers. I remember very little from the first ten years of my life. I have extreme automatic reactions and obvious (to my T and previous Ts) PTSD. I was told by two Ts it seems I have “textbook repression.” But the memories stay mostly buried. And I contend with flashes that feel disjointed and unreal. As much as I want to know, I’m glad that current research is showing a complete narrative isn’t necessary to heal.

 

[Freida]

Yep. But it was usually completing memories that were there but vauge. And there have been a bunch I could have lived without ever knowing... If you haven't read it yet she k out the book The Body Keeps The Score. He does a great job of explaining body memories and emotional ones and how they connect

Knowing what I know now sucks but at the same time I understand so much more so it's kind of a hellish trade off

 

[piratelady]

As much as I want to know, I’m glad that current research is showing a complete narrative isn’t necessary to heal.

This is good to know. There is a lot I don't remember, and from what I know about therapy for trauma, I didn't understand how you can heal from something you can't talk about. I'm glad you can.

If you haven't read it yet she k out the book The Body Keeps The Score.

Thanks Frieda! I'll check out this book.

A lot of my memories are partial. Like, one person (I call him step-dad 1), is simply missing from all of my memories. All I know is that I hate him. I have one memory of him yelling at me for washing my face with the wrong soap, and another of him fighting with my brother and that's it. Then, one summer and part of a school year I have no memories at all. Well, 1, me trying to figure out how I could kill myself. Obviously I never figured that one out. It's just odd to me and also makes me wonder if nothing bad really happened to me and I just have a bad memory and anxiety or something.

 

[Harmonics]

Alas, I have more therapy questions. I had my latest therapy appointment yesterday and it turns out...

There are things that I have remembered in therapy. I would not say that it is some dramatic cathartic event. It is more like little pieces of my childhood are gradually coming together to form a timeline of what happened. Also, my understanding of why I might have done certain things as a kid has changed. Now I realize that some things I did were a way to reduce the abuse and survive. When I did my history with this T, I explained it differently than the understanding I now have. T says that is normal. I have learned to not try to remember things as that seems to increase the anxiety level. T says I will remember when I can handle things. T is working with me to be able to "dip my toe" into the past and step back away so I don't get too triggered. When I do remember things, I try to figure out the age they happened and add them to my timeline in my journal. There are some things like a stuffed animal that is currently triggering me. I am not even trying to figure out why because somehow I know it is more than I can face right now. T says when I am ready, the information I need to know will be there.