Relationship Isolation

[lostforgottensoul]

But why would he unfriend me?

Who knows. Stop trying to get in his head!

You may have screwed yourself by leaving the house... needing space is one thing, but if you're living together he cannot expect you to go sleep on a couch at a friend's house every time he feels the like he needs space. Even if you volunteered this time, he may expect you to always clear out now. That's your home too. What happens if you guys have kids, do they have to leave so he can have space too?

I agree with this 1,000%! I totally missed this. When I need space I leave and take it. I never, ever, ever expect someone else to leave. I do expect them to stop fighting with my irrational thoughts. That's stupid to do anyway as I'm irrational but, I would never expect someone to leave anywhere, most especially their own home, to give me space! I take the space I need but that means I leave.

What do I say in the text to not make him overwhelmed bc I have no idea where he’s at during isolation.

It's not your job to worry about overwhelming him. I mean, other then obvious relationship stuff. Thinking of the other person and such that's in every relationship (or should be) but my point is that's not reserved for PTSD relationships. It's his job to manage himself when overwhelmed. I second keeping it simple. "Hey, just a heads up that I'm coming home X day at around X time". I wouldn't even add "I need to be home" personally. Just that you are coming home. If he pushes back a simple "you are free to leave and take your space". I mean, you can add "but I need to be home" at the end of that. There's no harm in that. I also agree with "I" statements. What you will and won't put up with, will and won't have in your life, is what boundries is all about.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, I advise waiting until after your exam to do anything. It’s only one more day, so is that doable? I mean staying at your friends house just a little while longer?

The social media stuff seems very passive aggressive to me.

 

[Ronin]

Yeah, that is fairly abusive of him.

His choices are not on you, and are not you making the relationship an issue.

 

[Justmehere]

Stay away from mind reading and trying to be in his head via social media drama. Spend more time in your own head owning what you need and want.

 

[JM318]

Thanks for the responses... I headed to the house (I need to add, he is the home owner and I moved in late last year, it’s my home but legally it is his.) I sent him a quick text to let him know I was coming home and was giving him a heads up.. I saw him pass me on the backroads. Our friend was at the house grabbing his trailer that’s been there, but he took off. Seems he is avoiding me. To be honest, I was preparing myself because I thought he’d be home to break things off. Why is he avoiding?

 

[EveHarrington]

He is avoiding because he is isolating.

 

[JM318]

He is avoiding because he is isolating.

Is it normal for him to be isolating from just me? He is going to a friends house to hang out...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why is he avoiding?

Stop with the "why is he" questions. Only he knows why he's doing or saying something. Maybe he is isolating but maybe it has nothing to do with PTSD and he just wants to ends things. Who knows.

Is it normal for him to be isolating from just me?

Yep. You bring the most stress. PTSD stress cup is overfilling then we drop the things that bring the most stress. His friends expect less of him and isn't there 24/7. Makes sense to me why he's isolating only from you. But you will drive yourself crazy with the "why" questions. Seriously!

 

[Justmehere]

Is it normal for him to be isolating from just me? He is going to a friends house to hang out...

Trauma makes emotional intimacy not always comforting but sometimes stressful, even in the best of circumstances. You acknowledge there are problems in the relationship. With his friends, it might be because there is more distance and less problems to solve. Thus, it’s easier to be with friends he is not dating.

In the end, he’s the only one who knows why he’s doing what he is doing.

For what it’s worth, I’d find this super hard to endure being avoided in this way. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Across the board isolation exists, when we isolate from everyone.

Specific person isolation also exists, where we isolate only from one person.

And then there’s the in between where we isolate from more than one person, but not from everyone.

I know it’s hard to understand why a sufferer isolates only from a partner. It’s a question that has been posted many, many times by various supporters.

 

[JM318]

Trauma makes emotional intimacy not always comforting but sometimes stressful, even in the best of c...

Thank you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Of course you're going to wonder "why"... your life is kinda imploding around you. You need information to process things. Sometimes we don't get the "whys" answered in life though. We just have to deal with the situation as it is. You may never get an explanation why. He's the only one who can tell you why, and it sounds like he's not going to tell you.