Derealization/depersonalization tied to stresses?

[Sweetleaf]

A lot of things have been making me derealize and depersonalize. I feel like it took a lot to make that happen, during my trauma. The rape, the physical violence, the intense fear for my life. But now, it happens both in therapy, and from what should be mundane stresses.

Unless it's in therapy and stuff like that, it tends not to get to the super freaky point where I don't feel like I have anything to do with the words coming out of my mouth, my actions, etc. It's as if my body is a robot carrying out tasks, or everything is being like done for me, or something. I don't feel like I'm in control of my body and stuff, at that point - I am just there observing it and it feels freaky as all f*ck, in so many ways, and things don't feel real. I feel like I suck at describing it but whatever.

It's been happening every EMDR reprocessing session - we hit some point where it's too much, and I derealize.

But, when I am driving and stuff, or pushing myself outside at all, like for a walk or a bike ride, I will often derealize once I get outside. It passes eventually, but it seems to be becoming more of a problem, which is kind of worrying to me, because it's really freaky and panic inducing.

It happens at trauma yoga, too, either while I'm talking about stuff or other people are, and the conversation has me feeling increased stress/anxiety/is triggering, etc.

Going outside at all is stressful for me, too. I feel exposed, and afraid. I try to avoid people, they just in general stress me out.

Stressful social interactions can make it happen too >.< I think just about any stress would make it happen, I just avoid the world a lot and thus don't get subjected to many stresses - maybe that's part of why it's so stressful to go out in the world.

Does anyone else have problems like this? Anyone relate? How do you handle it?

I try to ground, feel my feet on the floor, notice the different parts of my body, notice what's in the room around me, details about it, so on and so forth. I just wish it didn't happen as often in the first place.

Is it typical for more intense EMDR sessions cause one to derealize/depersonalize more frequently/easily than normal? Does this kind of thing go away on its own? Do I have to worry about it getting worse?

 

[MyWillow]

@Sweetleaf I can really empathise. I’m going to pop back in when I’m less tired so I can reply more completely. It’s late here ;) For now...Remember that it’s your brain’s clever way of coping with an abnormal situation. But neural plasticity is a thing so yes there’s definitely hope for improvement xxx

 

[ILoveLife]

Hey @Sweetleaf

Does anyone else have problems like this? Anyone relate? How do you handle it?

I had this last year. My therapy was too evasive, going too fast. Wasn't given enough coping mechanisms

 

[MyWillow]

Hey @Sweetleaf


I had this last year. My therapy was too evasive, going too fast. Was...

Yes this is also me. My trauma memory is terrible so neither my T or I had any concept of how quickly things could go south. Yesterday she explicitly said “It’s your choice. You’ll know when you’re ready.”

 

[Sweetleaf]

My therapy was too evasive, going too fast. Wasn't given enough coping mechanisms

That's something I'm worrying about, although I feel like my t is trying to tone it back, and we spend a good part of each session just calming me down from it. She's much more aware of and knowledgeable about dissociative symptoms than my old t, and the point when I derealize is the point where she is like "okay time to stop and try to distract" lol, and the reprocessing is done for the day.

Remember that it’s your brain’s clever way of coping with an abnormal situation.

I wish my brain didn't have to do that kind of thing to cope :(
It's a really scary, freaky way of coping. But my brain had no other escape I guess. I just wish it'd realize it doesn't need to do that anymore >.<

 

[MyWillow]

As soon as emotions or family come up I start to leave the room. f*ck it’s frustrating.

Yesterday T asked me what a “bad day” looked like when I said there were good days and bad days. It was all down hill from there. Talk about work? My dogs? Yep, can make eye contact and everything. Gah.

 

[lovak]

I don't know if it's derealization with me.
But I experience the same thing everytime I go outside now. It scares me, so most of the time I just stay inside. When I do go out, everything seems unreal to me. Weirdly silent. Like i'm in some kind of dream. I think everyone is looking at me and noticing me and observing me, at the same time the world seems quiet and I feel alone. I'm always trembling outside and driving is scary. I'm afraid to lose control, but my car feels safer then walking, plus I live in a tiny village without a supermarket.
The outside world doesn't seem to belong to me anymore, or I don't belong in the outside world anymore.

This feeling goes away when I'm inside, although the utter disbelief of being in this situation sometimes hit me after a rough day. That it can't be real.

 

[Sweetleaf]

This feeling goes away when I'm inside, although the utter disbelief of being in this situation sometimes hit me after a rough day. That it can't be real.

I feel you there :/
I've noticed this week it's been happening even more frequently. It's happened many times today. It keeps happening, usually not for too long, but it's increasing in frequency, and certain situations bring it out really easily. Even just interacting with strangers can do it. Or people yelling or being loud :(

I'm kind of afraid of it getting worse >.< because right now that's the trend I'm on with this. Though my anxiety is also higher this past week or so.

I hope your problems improve, that doesn't sound easy, though I can relate.

The outside world doesn't seem to belong to me anymore, or I don't belong in the outside world anymore.

I often walk around feeling very disconnected from the people around me, like they're all part of a normal, functioning, regular world, and I'm stuck in this nightmare version of reality where doing normal shit is scary.