The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[mumstheword]

The abuse was from another male.

I've been doing quite a bit of intensive mummying. I would like to do more fun stuff with him though.
We've been going on walks in the beautiful countryside together and going down to a creek near his Dad's house.
We've been eating yummy food that I make or buy him in good cafes.
I buy him stuff that he picks out from op shops.
We need to go to a seaside town soon, so we'll go for a walk along the beach.

 

[Swift]

Are you looking after you, too?
This must be so triggering and shitful.

 

[mumstheword]

Trying to make dinner without breaking down has been really challenging.
My guy came home, noticed I wasn't "right" asked me if I was ok and if he's done anything. I said I'd talk to him later. My youngest son.is interviewing him about technological changes in his lifetime for homework. My kid hadn't noticed anything's wrong, although when he came down earlier I had been crying . He picked a dish we'd never made out of the "Students" Cookbook, I bought him and we prepared it together. My older son is still at his friends place.
I had a big sob when he went out but had to pull myself together for young son and dinner prep. Lots of tragic emotions swirling around in me.
I look forward to sobbing into my guy's chest later tonight.
Yep, triggery as hell.

 

[mumstheword]

I had a gin lemon line and bitters (my guy's booze) and now a small organic red wine.
Tempting to get wasted but it won't really help so I'm resisting.

 

[ILoveLife]

:hug:

 

[Swift]

Hugs.
So sorry this is happening.

 

[somerandomguy]

We're here with you, Mums. I'm sorry about all this.

 

[mumstheword]

Thank you guys. Son came back from his friends. I fed him and now we are watching sense8. I've seen the whole thing but I love it. I'm a massive Wachowski moveies fan. Son hasn't seen it yet. I think he'll like it. I did a massive assignment on Cloud Atlas for a film studies unit at uni. It's one of my all time favourite films.

I've been good at not going to pieces. I'm not going to make this about me.

 

[Swift]

Argh. I'm so sorry. This must be so hard.
Make sure to take care of you - and little you. Give her a little of your mum energy, if you're in that zone.
I'm glad he has you.
Not in the abstract sense that I'm glad he has a loving mother, but I'm glad he has you, particularly.
You're kind and smart and talented and you love your kids so much.
And you know this territory, this terrible, terrible territory, better than most.
Maybe that's selfish of me, to want your son to have someone good.
But.
Make sure you're taking care of you. I reckon you will need to go to pieces at some point. If you can't go to pieces about this, what can you go to pieces about? Just maybe not in front of your son.
Much love, much support, much caring.
I wish I could help more. If you need any advice from your resident queer here, happy to help in any way I can. Doing-Me - Captain, as I call him as do my mates - wants to jump on the damn phone and contact your local resources and fix shit for you. If my contacts or my skills or my reputation can be in any way helpful, I'm yours. (Don't mean to blow my own horn, but I know the territory and the neverending f*cking labyrinth of bullshit they expect ordinary people to navigate with housing, treatment, access to healthcare, access to justice, blah blah.)
Victim's Services will give you 20 free sessions, no gap, with a VS approved counsellor that you can select yourself, for one.
I'll shut my damn mouth unless you ask. I argh. This is hurting my chest with how strongly I feel for you.
If not, my ears and heart are open.
Always.

 

[mumstheword]

thank you so much my wonderful resident queer source-of-so-much-goodness-and-knowledge!
I will certainly be drawing on your knowledge and expertise.
Thank you for reminding me about victim services. I've drawn on them in the past. That is a great call.
I keep leaking tears. I told my guy. I can't keep something like that from him. He is a very compassionate guy. Felt angry at the shithead who did this, as one would expect. We are both keeping it light for the boys. I made all the guys tea, fruity teas for my boys. The guys are all engaged with each other. It's good. I have the best guy to help me raise my boys.
It will be good to have stepson around sometimes as he and my nearly-20-year-old-son have been besties since 11. He's who's kept my son together more than anyone else. He's been living and working in Canberra, soon to move to Brisbane.
My guy is a very jokey cheeky larrikin. Always to be counted on to lighten the mood.

 

[Swift]

No wukkas mate.
How are things with your guy? I was meaning to ask.

 

[somerandomguy]

No wukkas mate.

The way you Australians use the English language is a never-ending source of fascination and delight to me. God, us Americans are so boring, language-wise.