Relationship I’ve left him and he doesn’t care

[NaeNae75]

What is really standing out to me as I read my diary is how every “good” day was closely followed by...

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Everything is going to be surreal as your eyes open even more, I'm sure. Just do your best to breathe and take it day by day.
You're not alone. You are strong and amazing!

 

[Freida]

Nothing will change if I go back. I must not go back!

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Sighs - when you feel sick to the core with wanting to return please ask yourself what you are going back to.

It's not about pride or hurt feelings. It is about standards of behaviour and what you will allow yourself to subjected to.

I am sure you know you cannot change his behaviour unless he wants to do this himself. And you gave him so many opportunities and would have supported him in doing so, I am sure.

He'd have to show a awesome change of behaviour over an extended period of time...wouldn't he? Not likely to happen even a little bit. He may change himself down the track but I don't think it would be sustainable change when he gets into relationships and past the initial blooming stage.

So, ask yourself some hard questions when you feel like you didn't do the right thing or need to justify leaving to yourself. The answers, if you are brutally honest will stop you relenting and will help you move on.

 

[grimalkin]

Consider this entire thread "liked" and "ditto'd." It hurts like hell now. It will get better. You have strength in you, and with time and distance you'll be able to hear your own voice again.

 

[Sighs]

Ugh! Just spent two hours on the phone to him. All I got was a whole lot of justification for his behaviour and was told I needed to stop “bickering” with him.

 

[scout86]

and was told I needed to stop “bickering” with him.

Sounds like a good reason not to answer his phone calls!

If he's lucky, at some point he'll realize he's been a jerk and needs to work his own stuff, not blame other people. Meanwhile? Not your problem, huh?

 

[Hojay]

He’s choosing the route of blaming you. Ok, many people choose to go there, mostly out of self protection. We all know how painful it is to feel responsible for a relationship breaking up (something he’s been trying hard for you to feel huh?) so it’s not unnatural for people to go to great lengths to avoid that feeling. “It’s not my fault, they did xyz.” Or “if they hadn’t done x, I wouldn’t have done y. So it’s their fault.” That’s what he’s doing. Thing is, for most people, that justification method doesn’t hold up very long. There will always come a time when they have to look at themselves, whether it’s now or in 5 years.

In the meantime, hang on to your truth. Stay firm in what you know happened and is true, regardless of his opinion or viewpoint. With all the things he’s done, he’s sort of lost the right to have his viewpoint seen as equal and valid, I’d say. You’re the sane one in this scenario.

 

[Freida]

yes! Everything @Hojay said!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I agree with @scout86... listening to his bullshit is no longer your obligation. If he starts in on you, hang up. Bye Felicia.

Nobody could have worked harder at this relationship than you did @Sighs. You tolerated verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from this guy for years. He's still trying to kick out at you now that you've left. It's sad.

There are wonderful men out there. Men who treat you like a queen. Men who would fight to make you happy.

 

[Mytime]

That is a part of the abusive cycle. The good days are so you can see and feel the love and happiness that could be if you give over your power. The bad days are for the control they need over you. To blame you, beat down your self worth and inner strength. It’s giving you something and having the power to take it back. It’s making you feel Secure, then ripping it away, so you can never find your footing. Making you feel weak without them.
But it’s so far from the truth. Because you are the strong one. You’ll have your strong days, your sad day, angry days and yes weak days. We all do, but you are in control of you and your days.
You can’t live in the past. It’s already been lived. You can only move forward, day by day. Sending hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

Agree totally with @Sweetpea76 and @Mytime above.

O @Sighs . :hug::hug::hug::hug: No one tried harder.

The moment the physical abuse started, it's evidence he didn't care for your well-being. Not enough to stop himself or ensure he didn't. The abuse won't be missed.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Bye Felicia.

Haha! This!

It's a bad idea to communicate with him at all. I would stop answering his calls, and refrain from texting or communicating with him in any other ways. He's an abusive shit, talking with him is just gonna result in him trying to f*ck with you, deny he did any wrong, and manipulate you.

I'm so sorry he's being such a f*cker @Sighs - I hope his behavior is reinforcing your decision to leave him.