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New Here
Hi, this is the first post I´ve made here, although I´ve found this forum helpful previously to sort out some of the questions I´ve had about my condition that I´ve found I haven´t gotten proper answers from therapy and so on (awkwardly admitting forum-lurking).
I was diagnosed with "tentative" complex ptsd (due to it not being recognized) and a conversion disorder (in the form of muscle spasms and seizures) in the late summer/early fall of 2016.
My trauma stems from my birth mother and the early part of my childhood (until I was seven) that I lived with her. She´s been diagnosed with borderline, schizophrenia and bipolar at different points in her life, although I´m not actually sure if all or any of these diagnoses really apply to her (she´s very manipulative and have made therapists think that she´s "all good now" several times, while not actually making any of the changes IRL). I don´t feel like going into any more extensive description of her right now.
I´ve been seeing a psychotherapist specialized in trauma and dissociation (which is one of the symptoms I´ve been struggling with a lot) since about a year and a half. We´ve had some success with working with some of the dissociation, although I probably have a lot more left there. The last period we´ve kind of been in this standstill, which we´ve discussed, but I´ve been left with the impression that my therapist doesn´t know how to treat me. She´s brought up concern that depressive symptoms I´ve been showing are outside of her range skill-wise. A few weeks back she asked me if I was okay with if a colleague interviewed me to check if I had some kind of mood disorder, which I was fine with. I´ve had periods of varying degrees of depression since I was about 11, so it surprised me that this seemed new to her (my depression), but most likely the focus has been elsewhere and I´ve been better at hiding it than I thought.
Anyway, I wasn´t aware that I was also going to be assessed for personality disorders as well because my therapist didn´t inform me - and I really would´ve liked a heads up on that one, because I respond very negatively emotionally to anything that reminds me of my mother (and personality disorder-talk definitely does). On one hand, I know that my therapist is not responsible for my emotions, on the other hand I feel slightly f*cked over. I know this is something I´ll have to bring up with her when I see her again, but I just have no idea how to bring it up without coming off as a shit.
The assessment is now finished, the therapist who assessed me wanted to wait with making any decision on the personality disorder-front but it´s pretty much obvious that I have some form of ongoing depression. The suggestions for further treatment have been Prolonged Exposure or EMDR (both of which my current therapist can do), but the problem with that is that I might be too depressed to be able to follow through with it (or that´s what I´m being told by them at least). This, combined with my terrible self-image and having a history with self-destructive behavior, has led to there being suggestions that I either need another form of treatment (DBT has been suggested) before doing any further trauma work, or that I need to combine the trauma treatment with something else. In any of these cases I would have to either change clinics completely, or stay with my current therapist but, like, "supplement" with treatment from another clinic.
I´m writing here about it now, because I find it all just really confusing and I don´t really know what I should be doing. I find it odd that a trauma specialist doesn´t know how to treat depressive symptoms since they´re so common, and it stresses me out that I might have to either start off again with someone else or just start talking to yet another person about all this. I´ve considered asking if there´s someone else at my current clinic who at least has some competence with depression, but I know it takes me a lot of time to find enough trust to talk more freely, so any way I go it feels like I might be pushing the re-set button on the work I´ve been doing.
I was diagnosed with "tentative" complex ptsd (due to it not being recognized) and a conversion disorder (in the form of muscle spasms and seizures) in the late summer/early fall of 2016.
My trauma stems from my birth mother and the early part of my childhood (until I was seven) that I lived with her. She´s been diagnosed with borderline, schizophrenia and bipolar at different points in her life, although I´m not actually sure if all or any of these diagnoses really apply to her (she´s very manipulative and have made therapists think that she´s "all good now" several times, while not actually making any of the changes IRL). I don´t feel like going into any more extensive description of her right now.
I´ve been seeing a psychotherapist specialized in trauma and dissociation (which is one of the symptoms I´ve been struggling with a lot) since about a year and a half. We´ve had some success with working with some of the dissociation, although I probably have a lot more left there. The last period we´ve kind of been in this standstill, which we´ve discussed, but I´ve been left with the impression that my therapist doesn´t know how to treat me. She´s brought up concern that depressive symptoms I´ve been showing are outside of her range skill-wise. A few weeks back she asked me if I was okay with if a colleague interviewed me to check if I had some kind of mood disorder, which I was fine with. I´ve had periods of varying degrees of depression since I was about 11, so it surprised me that this seemed new to her (my depression), but most likely the focus has been elsewhere and I´ve been better at hiding it than I thought.
Anyway, I wasn´t aware that I was also going to be assessed for personality disorders as well because my therapist didn´t inform me - and I really would´ve liked a heads up on that one, because I respond very negatively emotionally to anything that reminds me of my mother (and personality disorder-talk definitely does). On one hand, I know that my therapist is not responsible for my emotions, on the other hand I feel slightly f*cked over. I know this is something I´ll have to bring up with her when I see her again, but I just have no idea how to bring it up without coming off as a shit.
The assessment is now finished, the therapist who assessed me wanted to wait with making any decision on the personality disorder-front but it´s pretty much obvious that I have some form of ongoing depression. The suggestions for further treatment have been Prolonged Exposure or EMDR (both of which my current therapist can do), but the problem with that is that I might be too depressed to be able to follow through with it (or that´s what I´m being told by them at least). This, combined with my terrible self-image and having a history with self-destructive behavior, has led to there being suggestions that I either need another form of treatment (DBT has been suggested) before doing any further trauma work, or that I need to combine the trauma treatment with something else. In any of these cases I would have to either change clinics completely, or stay with my current therapist but, like, "supplement" with treatment from another clinic.
I´m writing here about it now, because I find it all just really confusing and I don´t really know what I should be doing. I find it odd that a trauma specialist doesn´t know how to treat depressive symptoms since they´re so common, and it stresses me out that I might have to either start off again with someone else or just start talking to yet another person about all this. I´ve considered asking if there´s someone else at my current clinic who at least has some competence with depression, but I know it takes me a lot of time to find enough trust to talk more freely, so any way I go it feels like I might be pushing the re-set button on the work I´ve been doing.
