Adult literacy issues with relative; how do i handle it?

[Mytime]

You can strengthen her reading by getting an audiobook and the book. She can hear the book and follow the book. She will learn how to flow with reading the words. The words she doesn’t know, she will start to recognize. Once she starts to read better and recognize word, she may try writing them, ect.
This is how I taught myself to read and spell.

 

[Dana1010]

@Mytime, that's a really good idea. Thanks. I'm not really familiar with audiobooks. They don't go too fast to keep up with?

 

[Mytime]

I didn’t have a problem. You can just move your finger as you go along.

 

[Venefica123]

Does your sibling openly agree regarding the cause of her issues, and did the same things affect you? If so, perhaps consider the good idea another poster had of giving her lessons as a gift, but give yourself something you need, too. Explain to her that you would like to take steps to make you both more whole and healthy; you are trying to repair some of the damages to you both, because you CAN. Explain that you know how fractured a person can be from neglect, and how empowering it can be to mitigate some of those issues. Assure that she will be so much more confident and happy, and that its nothing to be ashamed of. Your parents probably had their own issues and never intended for this to happen to her- if so, maybe tell her that it could help lessen their guilt and go towards healing the whole family if shes brave enough to try. Tell her how you are inspired by her bravery, when youre finding the gift you're going to give yourself.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Being illiterate is embarrassing to the core being. If you don’t know a person and try to help them with their literacy problem, often you will get resistance and hurt feeling due to the deep shame they carry over their inability to read. Everyone is SUPPOSED to know how to read. Right?

However, if you approach reading from a strategy approach, you may eventually be able to be in her comfort zone and find a longer term reading program. There are programs on computer and phone which will read text aloud to a person. Providing a temporary solution( and you’d better have it already on your phone and computer) and use it in front of her like it is a strategy you use often, to make reading easier would be my first step. She will ask questions after you use a program like this for yourself. There are days I do when my PTSD is overwhelming. Then you can slowly move to discussing a program to improving current skills- but if you can’t read well- remember online lessons are not for everyone-
Learning to read often requires another adult at first.

It’s a touch and go thing to get a person help in reading- be prepared for tears, negative self statements, and a whole lotta emotion when you do broach it. Be lucky if the dam doesn’t break!

Good luck! I hope you succeed. It’s a very kind gesture.

 

[Dana1010]

Your parents probably had their own issues and never intended for this to happen to her

Right about issues. As for whether they intended it or not, there's a loooong and very strange story there, and I can't rule out some sort of ill intent on their part.

Providing a temporary solution( and you’d better have it already on your phone and computer) and use it in front of her like it is a strategy you use often, to make reading easier would be my first step.

She already knows that I am quite literate.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you recently confirmed her literacy is still poor?

How can I approach this without embarrassing her?

If my brother, whom I haven’t seen in years, showed up with a very brief time to spend together and gave me a gift to teach me something basic, to fix me, so that he felt less guilty about what our parents did... I’d feel like shit.

Tread lightly. By trying to fix her, you might push her away from fixing herself.

Take some time get to know her. Don’t try to fix her literacy unless she says she wants to learn herself. She is the one who would have to do the work anyhow.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Like with abuse, there is great shame behind being a poor reader and I have found working with people with reading problems, that "the time has to be right" to address it. I have usually spent a great deal of time getting to know them before broaching the subject. Maybe time right now would be better spent on developing a relationship and making future plans together that don't involve dealing with your brother's weakness. The problem isn't going anywhere.

 

[Dana1010]

@Justmehere and @Bkinder, of course it would be ideal to build a relationship with her, but I can't. I'm going away after I visit. She is my younger sister, rather immature and undeveloped, and I am approaching her as someone who is looking out for her. We went through a traumatic, disgusting, embarrassing upbringing together, so the "embarrassing" cat is already out of the bag. She knows I know, trust me.

 

[Justmehere]

Connecting with siblings who survived trauma together is complicated, I get that. I’d like to ask - where are you going away to? You don’t have to say do you don’t want to, but this really strikes me as being about some deep guilt you have, and I’m a little concerned for your sake. Perhaps this is misplaced concern. This visit to try to address this literacy issue, and then do you expect to go no contact?

To look at it from the literacy angle - what if she needs follow up? If you are going to go down this road, and she’s open to it, maybe consider connecting her to an agency or nonprofit in her area that can walk this road with her.

 

[blackemerald1]

Can you ask her what she would like to do to get her literacy up? If you put her in the driving seat and she says I would like to do it this way...could you then assist her in finding that and possibly paying for it? Something she can do after you have left but she can then get onto doing. You could check in now and then to see if it is still needed or how she is going.

 

[Dana1010]

I’d like to ask - where are you going away to? You don’t have to say do you don’t want to, but this really strikes me as being about some deep guilt you have, and I’m a little concerned for your sake.

I'm just going out of state back to where I was. I do feel guilt, shame and embarrassment over the whole thing. It is going to be hard to face it, but I need to get it off my conscience. I would like to go no contact after the visit, but I am open to an email relationship to provide her some follow up guidance.

If you are going to go down this road, and she’s open to it, maybe consider connecting her to an agency or nonprofit in her area that can walk this road with her.

This kid thinks she's cool. That would cramp her style and embarrass her. I'm trying to approach it in a natural way that doesn't make her feel like a charity case.

Can you ask her what she would like to do to get her literacy up? If you put her in the driving seat and she says I would like to do it this way...could you then assist her in finding that and possibly paying for it?

I could, but frankly, I'm a lot smarter than she is, and I think that I would have better ideas. I'm thinking we will bounce some ideas around. Obviously, I'm not deaf to her input.