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Being around people you dont know....

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Rani G2

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There will be a huge party coming soon... this is somewhat scary because I tend to get into a “Dont f* with me mode“ which is fear.

I could choose NOT to go BUT my T says “try it out and see whats coming“....

I havent been in a party for a long time, and I Dont meet people... only at work.

Are you good in getting into conversations, smalltalk?

I dont like smalltalk that much and I dont like smiling much... well I can learn to do it.

What Do you Do when you are going to meet loads of new humans?
 
I’m an introvert so I can only handle groups of people for a short time then I need a quiet space. When I find myself in a group I tend to be a wall flower, I’m terrified that someone might actually want to talk to me, I imagine a giant spotlight directed right at me and all eyes are focused on me... I really struggle with eye contact and I don’t like any kind of physical touch although if someone asks then I can do like a hand shake or a side hug. I have found though after being in recovery that it does get easier to an extent.
 
I’m an introvert so I can only handle groups of people for a short time then I need a quiet space. W

Me too....can relate to that....

have found though after being in recovery that it does get easier to an extent.

Its good to hear that you find it easier now.. :-)

I find physical touch pretty awkward and I dont like hugging. The eye contact thing is no problem...I tend to look too much in the eye, this comes with a wanting to have power because I try everything to not appear weak (distortion).
 
I'm an introvert who "passes" exceedingly well for an extrovert.
My thing at parties: scope the joint, have a quiet spot ready to retreat to where you're not likely to be bothered. Generally outside here given where I live. I also have my mints to help w dissociation/stress in general.

As for smalltalk, most people love talking about themselves. I generally bring up hobbies or work or pets. I ask "what about x topic interests you?" Or "what do you like about your job/dog/place where you live/netflix show etc?" Or "what does that involve" re: study or work.
My other trick is... I do get physical symptoms of PTSD at things like that. My hands tend to shake, and my hearing is mad sensitive because my HV is through the roof. If people notice my shakiness, I tend to say "oh, just a medical condition, nothing to worry about"'.... and for the HV I tell people I have "hyperacusis" - mad sensitive hearing. Which I technically do, it just isn't the whole truth. I find having a canned response for things that people might notice decreases my anxiety about them being noticed, because I know what I'll do if someone points it out or is looking at me funny.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
 
I'm an introvert who "passes" exceedingly well for an extrovert.
My thing at parties: scope the joint, h...
I hope you dont mind but I'd like to try some of those tricks... The mint thing might work for me in therepy maybe. I think its so awesome that you come up with a plan ahead of time.

I also display physical symptoms like shivering.. Its pretty bad in therepy but after I'm done I sit in my cat and just let it go so I can focus on driving. Its just so weird.
 
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Gladly, @Elmez.

So, I carry mints everywhere now, because it ridiculously improves my PTSD. I find it very grounding and very calming. It's also something you can do in most social situations or appointments - "would you like a mint?" Is much diff to lighting up a smoke or similar.

For those interested in the science....
I have a background as an EEG tech and have just started neurofeedback, as well as being super interested in seeing PTSD as a brain condition rather than a wholly psychological one - because it isn't, it actually changes the physical structure of your brain.
Chewing relieves the amygdala - It's a way of sending it "we're safe" signals. The amygdala is the part of the brain at the back that we share with pretty much everything from the prehistoric age - lizards included. You don't pull a sandwich out of your pocket while you're being attacked by a sabretooth tiger, so chewing and taste stimuli calm that bit of your brain down.
Secondly, smell/taste is the sense most strongly linked to memory. One of the things PTSD, particularly CPTSD, does to your brain, is it shrinks your hippocampus. The hippocampus is in the middle of the brain, and controls the "where/when" function. The sense circuits for smell are located closest to the hippocampus. Why PTSD brains have such trouble with triggers, and dissociation, is because this part of the brain goes offline and doesn't do it's job of telling us where/when we are.
Thirdly, you can train your brain to respond in a particular way to a particular stimuli, kind of like a reverse trigger. If I chew mints when I do my breathing exercises, when I'm out in public and need that state of chill, I chew a mint, which tells my body I'm safe and returns my breathing to normal.

I kinda started before I bothered to think about 'why' though, mainly for dissociation rather than calming panic/anxiety, but it works really well for me.
 
@Swift Thanks for the great detailed explanation. I'll definitely be giving it a go. I see this is similar to the "soothing rock" a carry when i know I'm going to have to be in a stressful situation. Mints a little easier on the hands!
 
Thanks! Anytime.
I've been at this PTSD gig for a while so I'm more than happy to help in any way I can. I only joined the site about 6 months ago, but I've got a few years of treatment under my belt.
 
What Do you Do when you are going to meet loads of new humans?

I first evaluate the social setting and occasion and decide if the aftermath of placing myself in this situation is worth the downtime and recovery that comes afterwards. If it's something important, like my neice's baby shower, then I will attend and do all the self care necessary afterwards without complaint or regret, usually. If it's not important then I don't attend. I have come to learn that I don't have to subject myself to distress and the subsequent recovery that go with that. I don't have to put myself through that if there is nothing of value to be gained. The social interaction that I already get from my small world is plenty for me. I know my patterns and tolerance well enough to know I have to pick and choose my battles. Attending a social function brings up things in my body that I cannot even name, let alone control, and the aftermath is something I have to deal with alone. It took me a while to get to this point, after many 'tries'. While avoidance is seen as something we learned to do to 'survive' and therefore we must over come it as proof that we are healing, I see it differently now due to my experiences, despite what therapists have told me. So I do my best to not meet 'loads of humans', lol.
 
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