Called my therapist a 'stupid motherf*cker' today...would you?

[EveHarrington]

I’m confused at what point you actually called your therapist a stupid motherf*cker.

I see when you said this about other people and I see when you told your therapist to stop and she didn’t.

Shit, when people run over my boundaries ie saying NO....it’s game on. Don’t get pissed at me for letting a few choice words slip when you are the one who won’t listen to me when I say “NO!”

 

[Stephernovas]

I’m confused at what point you actually called your therapist a stupid motherf*cker.

I see wh...

Ahh thank you so much for saying this!! I was debating responding, but you’re right I never called her that directly. And at first I was polite and said, I need you to stop talking. She kept going. Then I kept saying it in different ways until I got even more aggravated. The only thing I’m going to somewhat apologize for is not being able to keep my cool while expressing my emotions. In that session I totally became dysregulated, and those are one of the things we have been working on. Managing emotions, especially when you’re feeling attacked suck!

 

[blackemerald1]

but you’re right I never called her that directly.

Wait...so your Thread Title says exactly that and...

I was so livid that I burst into tears calling them all 'stupid motherf*ckers' as I tried to explain

my therapist tried talking to me to help me practice deep breathing but I yelled at her to stop talking. She didn't stop. I told her to stop f*cking talking. She kept talking. She told me we needed to do deep breathing and I said, "I CAN F*CKING DO IT". I told her I didn't want to see her face again. She informed me I could cancel my sessions if that's what I wanted to do, and I replied that I was really f*cking mad right now.

You did swear and you lost it...^^^

 

[Suzetig]

Point is, that’s more of a staff issue regarding the function of the office. Not mine. Putting policy infractions by staff into a client is wrong.

Yep, I agree but you seem to have an issue with the one person in the team who seems to be trying to maintain appropriate boundaries. The staff have dealt with you very poorly, I suspect from a place of wanting to be friendly, liking you and knowing a colleague can vouch for you, ie that there’s some kind of pre-knowledge or relationship there.

Bottom line is guess is that they lost sight of where the line is bit in doing so gave you very mixed messages to where you thought it was ok to attend the office without an appointment and ask the staff for help. While that isn’t your “fault” so to speak, your T does need to communicate where the boundaries are to you so that you do know in future and don’t get a shock when people react differently to you.

I don’t see that as putting a staffing issue on you so much as clearing up confusion caused by the staffing issue.

 

[Stephernovas]

Wait...so your Thread Title says exactly that and...

You did swear and you lost it...^^^[/QUO...

I never said I didn’t swear. But it was after I tried to handle things calmly. Well, my version of that.

Also, in hindsight it looks like I should’ve titled this thread better.

When writing this, in my mind I know what I mean, but it’s hard to ensure everyone reads it the same way and I catch every detail, as I did mention this was exceptionally triggering for me. It’s a little funny for everyone here to be frowning upon my behaviours when highly triggered, but we all know when panic or something upsets us like this we are not rational or in front til. Hence the diagnosis of PTSD. I am working on the emotion regulation part, but it still does not excuse them trying to place blame on me for their staff error (that’s how I see it anyways)

Yep, I agree but you seem to have an issue with the one person in the team who seems to be trying to ma...

That is fair and easier to swallow then the way it was fished out to me. The way it was worded and brought up made me feel like I did everything wrong and was the mastermind behind everything



Edit: I didn’t type fished lol it’s supposed to say dished (i think lol)

 

[Sandstone]

Moving on from the immediate issues, do you know why you were triggered by this incident? I thought I remembered that your trauma was a car accident. What is the link between that and the conversation with your T? Or are there other traumas as well? Being able to identify the root and work on it would bring some good out of the situation.

So for me, my traumas are mainly sexual assault related, but I am triggered by situations where I feel trapped. I now know this doesn't relate to the traumas, but to the incident that unleashed my delayed onset symptoms. I haven't got anywhere near dealing with that, but I can manage it better by anticipating and explaining to others.

 

[Stephernovas]

Moving on from the immediate issues, do you know why you were triggered by this incident? I thought I...

There have been other traumas. I’m trying to think as to why this occurred. Thank you for asking. There’s been so much compounded, my therapist actually recently told me I am a “walking trauma”..fun.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Reading through this, the phrase "managing expectations" comes to mind. I think about this a lot with my own therapy.

I want: to be treated as more intelligent and smarter than other patients, to be given extra privileges, to be able to show up unannounced if it makes me feel better.

I know it is unreasonable to ask: to be treated differently than others, to show up unannounced.

It's okay to want these things. But at the end of the day, outpatient clinics are typically understaffed and the staff is underpaid, and it isn't fair for me to ask for things that will burden the staff and my therapist. In fact, when I think it through, I really don't want to do anything that could harm others. I wonder if maybe it would help to spend some time thinking not about what you want or even what you perceive to need, and instead think about the limitations of the clinic and what they can do, but ethically in terms of confidentiality, and in terms of their own human limitations. Thinking from that perspective always helps me to realign wants, needs and my own personal responsibility in the therapeutic relationship. It might help you realize that some of what you are asking for just might not be possible, even if you perceive to need it.

 

[Stephernovas]

Reading through this, the phrase "managing expectations" comes to mind. I think about this...

This is something to think about. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Well, I think there's a ton of confusing stuff going on in the situation that spawned all this...

I agree with:

I’m confused at what point you actually called your therapist a stupid motherf*cker.
I see when you said this about other people and I see when you told your therapist to stop and she didn’t.
Shit, when people run over my boundaries ie saying NO....it’s game on. Don’t get pissed at me for letting a few choice words slip when you are the one who won’t listen to me when I say “NO!”

That you tried to stop/ slow the conversation and your T went over your boundaries repeatedly - at this point I'd have been swearing my head off and dysregulating too - and I'm a very polite and considerate person who likes my T dearly...

The whole assisting with workers comp and staff allowing you to cross boundaries thing - IMO this is not some big deal or some huge scandal... It's possible to do this or not do this - the issue that turned it into a conflict seems to be the weird staff member... My impression is that she gets quite triggered by you, for whatever reason. Something about you triggers her and she tries to set huge and aggressive boundaries towards you.

The other staff members don't seem to be aware of this and hence sometimes let you into the office or help/ accommodate you in ways that trigger the weird staff member.

That seems to be what is causing the conflict/ confusion.

IMO, EITHER method would be fine - either the staff could all agree that blurring the lines in some cases is "fine" (we all do this constantly) OR the staff could all agree that "they" are triggered by stuff like that and it's not acceptable - no discussions, those are the rules and that's final.

But it seems to be only the weird staff member that gets triggered by you and hence you are getting conflicting/ mixed messages and hence when the other staff members "allow" you to do stuff, the weird staff member goes and complains behind your back, because she finds that triggering and wants it stopped.

So - IMO this is NOT a discussion about what is "right" and "wrong" tho I can understand these questions arising in your mind, after what you've experienced.

Personally, I think the majority of staff members are behaving normally and reasonably - I certainly would let a patient in 10 mins earlier if it was freezing cold outside. To me, this is NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOUR.

BUT...

You are seeing a therapist in an office where one staff member is triggered by you - and I doubt that that is going to change.

You need to work out whether you are willing to deal with that or not - and if not; I think you will have to find another T somewhere else.

If you can accept that this weird staff member is triggered by you and is going to make all rules "as strict as humanly possible/ as strict as she can get away with" regarding you... and if you can behave low-key around her/ in the office, then I think you can keep the situation conflict free/ stress free.

We all have this "being triggered by someone" or "triggering someone" thing happen occasionally. For some unknown reasons, we are just a super bad match with some people - we totally rub each other up the wrong way and are completely incompatible.

Yes, I agree it's a shame that this is happening in your T's office space and yeah, I get that this is making therapy appointments an unnecessarily uncomfortable experience.

But I don't think there's anything you can "do" about this - the weird staff member is never going to "admit" that she's triggered by you, nor will she change her ways. You won't be able to get her fired and filing a complaint about her will achieve nothing.

Yes, she's playing power games with you and making your life needlessly hard by enforcing the strictest version of the office's rules.

But I think that is simply what the situation is and you need to work out if you can "deal" with it by finding some coping strategies like finding somewhere warm nearby... If there's no cafe, then maybe there's some shop where you can "pretend to shop" like a bookshop or a clothing store... where you can just "browse" while being indoors, out of the cold...

 

[Mach123]

I just understand totally losing it. I can lose it so fast and always watching like someone in the office and feeling like they don't like me or whatever. Just an episode, no big deal they are supposed to be helping you. I'm sure you feel terrible about what happened, I always do. Lucky I never see anyone hardly at my therapist so I'm not on the outs with anyone at present. They did tell me not to walk down by the break room? I felt a little too comfortable one day and like launched down the hallway saying hi I'm here or whatever and the therapist was like no, no, no. I thought about how mad I would have been and how it could've been a 'thing.' I felt a twinge of it. Sorry u have to sort this out in that environment with the therapist and stuff. Last time I flipped I was in the light company paying the bill I think. I didn't swear, lucky for me.

 

[Suzetig]

@Sophy i don’t understand your assertion that the assistant manager is triggered by @Stephernovas. The boundaries they are trying to set are far from weird or aggressive and, holding a management role, I assume it’s part of their job to uphold standards. We also don’t know that all the rest of the staff team are ok with @Stephernovas coming into the office early - it’s not unusual for a new person to question why “X” happens only for others to say they were uncomfortable but didn’t think they could say anything.

Given more than one person told the T @Stephernovas had come into the office about workers comp, it’s fair to think not just one person had a concern about it. It may be human to bend the rules a bit, and I agree most people do from time to time, it’s quite a different thing to do that consists for one person and presumably not do that for others.

I would have a difficulty with the behaviour described by @Stephernovas in my professional life and I’m not triggered by them at all. Not everything is about triggered responses. From what I see the assistant manager is challenging a lax culture at work, which is most likely part of their job.