ED Struggling with unintentional food restriction, disordered eating. Ideas needed.

[FauxLiz]

when I was inpatient at RO they diagnosed me with an eating disorder which threw me for a loop as I have never considered the way I eat to be problematic. I realize that sounds odd to get a diagnosis when you didn't know you had something wrong but apparently I have issues with food restriction. Over the past month leading up to and since my move I am finding that I am really struggling with this. Packing up my kitchen I felt like I couldn't cook in order to ensure that everything got packed clean and nothing was left in the dishwasher. After the move I have been waiting on new flooring in the kitchen (installed last week) and new appliances for the kitchen (no stove or refrigerator) so I am not really eating. Some days I microwave something but others I just don't bother.

 

[Friday]

Yep, that’s disordered eating at a minimum, and easily an eating disorder if that’s a normal pattern of behavior for you.

 

[FauxLiz]

I never thought of it but it is a normal pattern. When working I rarely eat breakfast, skip lunch most days and at best eat supper. Even days when I leave the office to go home for lunch I usually end up napping, cleaning or running errands instead which leads to my not eating until supper as well. There are days that I eat regular meals and I certainly don't appear as someone with an ED (considered obese by doctors). I just don't know how to change this without feeling like I am going to the other extreme.

 

[Justmehere]

I can relate, and I didn’t realize my eating habits were an issue until I got feedback from someone aware of eating disorders who saw how I ate for a few days. It has nothing to do with body image or weight for me, I just don’t eat when stressed.

What was explained to me: restricting food can do two things - numb emotions but also fuel fight or flight responses because of the numb flood cycle.

Now I have protein shakes on hand in my cupboard or fridge at all times. If I skip a meal, I grab one or two and down them. It is quick, easy, and keeps me fueled better. They usually are decently healthy (better than nothing or binging.)

 

[TruthSeeker]

1 protein shake really high in protein (30 g of protein or more) with 2 chewable Flintstones vitamins (one with iron in am and one for the immune system) is a regimen I’m trying and I do feel better and have more energy.

 

[FauxLiz]

It was suggested inpatient to do protein shakes and I tried but it didn't matter the flavor the thick coating texture (similar to milk) I couldn't handle. It has been suggested that I do smoothies with protein powder but I am worried it would be a texture challenge as well due to the grit from the protein powder.

 

[joeylittle]

There are a number of not-thick protein drinks (‘protein water’) on the market right now. You’d probably want to get something with at least some carbs to it. Protein H2O has some good ones.

 

[FauxLiz]

@joeylittle I have not heard of or seen anything like Protein H2O, I will definitely look into.

 

[Abstract]

Identifying it is a problem is the first step. :tup: The rest tends to be a combination of consistent hard work, a willingness to push through the discomfort and work on identifying what it was we are using the eating behaviours to avoid. Finding alternative means of coping. Its not pleasant at all but doing the work does make life and coping much better longer term. Food may need to be your medicine for a while to start. I know its truly horrible at the start.
Can you get access to a trauma informed dietitian for support?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Abstract thanks for the support. As for accessing a trauma informed Dietitian, highly unlikely to near impossible. I recently started a new job that is in a very small very rural community. To find a therapist with any trauma training I am looking at needing to travel to a large metro area about 85 miles away. I will have to go to the same metro area to access any level of services from a Psychiatrist for med management as well. With that in mind it would be most likely that unless I got lucky and the regional hospital that serves my area has a dietitian on staff I would need to go to the same metro area again for basic dietitian support and have a small chance at at trauma informed one.

 

[whiteraven]

There are days that I eat regular meals and I certainly don't appear as someone with an ED (considered obese by doctors).

There is a whole range of eating disorders. I am working on learning *why* I use restrictive food practices (mine are very similar to yours and I am also clinically obese). It's really hard, because when you discover one thing, that sometimes will snowball into others. I saw a regular nutritionist for awhile, and she helped me chart what I was taking in and feelings related to when I wasn't eating. It was very useful, because I also was not eating well and she helped me plan meals, as well (without overwhelming me).

 

[FauxLiz]

I have been mulling this over since my original post and I have also been doing research on the correlation between trauma and physical ailments. I struggle with what has recently been diagnosed as IBS-D I think part of the reason that I skip so many meals is that I have no idea most times what will set it off. The one and only guaranteed trigger that I know is onions beyond that generally the only thing that I can guarantee is never schedule a meeting within 30 minutes of eating anything and never go anywhere any time of day that I don't have access to a bathroom and I don't mean a port a potty. So it's easier not to eat then there are not any embarrassing runs to the bathroom or worse