ED Disordered eating

ninja

Sponsor
I am trying to be more present in my life and connect with folks over zoom, whilst meditating, whilst really good, it is overwhelming.
Just to double-check, is the meditation trauma-informed?

When I feel overwhelmed, I also turn to food. It isn't ideal, but it is also one way our central nervous systems have learned to calm themselves, especially when all else fails (or when we're so overwhelmed that we cannot think).

Are you finding the overwhelm from the zoom meditation to be manageable (or unmanageable), on average? Would taking a couple 3 min breaks from the zoom call help modulate the overwhelm? (I definitely would need to find a way to take some breaks to recenter in myself because it would be too much otherwise.)
I also miss my sisters and brothers, and it's not their fault or mine really how things have turned out. Our parents were so corrosively destructive to everyone around them. My Mother was really unfair and manipulative but my reactivity made me an easy target.
🫂 🫂

I relate to being an easy target due to being reactive. In case you have also tended to blame yourself for this, your reactivity should not have been used in that way.
My communication skills are really poor with people in real time. I dissociate a lot.
With you. This happens to me, as well. (And I do not like it.) I hope people have, on the whole, been understanding? How are your communication skills when you aren't dissociating?
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Just to double-check, is the meditation trauma-informed?
I am not doing the meditation and the talk so strictly. I let myself be a bit distracted. It was practicing being connected to others that is really my focus.
When I feel overwhelmed, I also turn to food. It isn't ideal, but it is also one way our central nervous systems have learned to calm themselves, especially when all else fails (or when we're so overwhelmed that we cannot think).
Tis true. My poor nervous system it's really struggling. I am really struggling.
Are you finding the overwhelm from the zoom meditation to be manageable (or unmanageable), on average? Would taking a couple 3 min breaks from the zoom call help modulate the overwhelm? (I definitely would need to find a way to take some breaks to recenter in myself because it would be too much otherwise.)
That's a good idea. Ty.
I relate to being an easy target due to being reactive. In case you have also tended to blame yourself for this, your reactivity should not have been used in that way.
My parents were very cruel people. It's a shame I was the eldest I really copped.
With you. This happens to me, as well. (And I do not like it.) I hope people have, on the whole, been understanding?
I babble a lot. I say a lot. I offer to do things - all blocking mechanisms. So I am not sure how it is for people.
How are your communication skills when you aren't dissociating?
I am not sure.

Perhaps not so good?

I don't know what I feel and think a lot of the time.

I have been working on communicating with B better.

I actually think I need a rest. I am really tired.
 

ninja

Sponsor
I am not doing the meditation and the talk so strictly. I let myself be a bit distracted. It was practicing being connected to others that is really my focus.
Ah! I was wondering if you were feeling particularly judgmental about your social skills due to a pressure to interact 'normally' (hide your struggles)? More specifically, I've noticed that sometimes when environments/communities aren't trauma-informed that ^^ pressure can crop up, thus making it 'easier' to jump to criticism.
Tis true. My poor nervous system it's really struggling. I am really struggling.
🫂
My parents were very cruel people. It's a shame I was the eldest I really copped.
🫂 It is a lot to heal from.
I babble a lot. I say a lot. I offer to do things - all blocking mechanisms. So I am not sure how it is for people.
I didn't mean to make this about the other people – my apologies! I was hoping you weren't on the receiving end of overt judgment/criticism from others in regard to these struggles.

If it feels helpful to answer (I want to honor your need for rest), what would you like to do instead of, as you say, babbling, saying a lot, or offering to do things?
I have been working on communicating with B better.

I actually think I need a rest. I am really tired.
That's the best we can do: keep trying and practicing with trustworthy people. And then ample time for rest, if possible. 💜
 

ms spock

Sponsor
OH wow these patterns are really strong, when I wrote previously here about this, I was actually doing really well. I am so hard on myself. I can see now that I was doing so well. I have slipped down the back now.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I just want to eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. I just crave eating. I just want to eat. I want comfort. I want solace. I want to be numb. I want it all to stop.

I am struggling to do anything at the moment. It's really hard. I find it hard to finish anything.

I am so hard on my self. It's not good.

I went to an online meditation group but I was an hour late as I got the hour wrong in the US.

I am so dysregulated.

I have been trying to focus to hang some washing out but get lost.

I find it hard to follow through.

I did clean the veranda this morning.

I am learning to be more here - but it's a real slip sliding situation.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
So it's not going well. It's such a hard thing to manage, for me anyway. I am trying to slow down and just not fight myself so much.

This is really big for me.

I would like to be on the other side of this. But I am not there, yet.

I am doing some study on CBT that will pay off over time. It all just takes time.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
So I had been so down on myself about my eating but it was the Endep. Whilst I was off it I had no problems at all not doing the extra eating. So that is at least good awareness. It's like my constantly dry mouth - it's a side effect of the medication.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I use Biotine....a rinse to combat dry mouth-it's worse for me at night and during the day, I drink ice cold apple tea....with a small hit of natural apple juice to sweeten. I also use a saline nasal spray at night and a mouth guard for grinding teeth. Using the Biotine makes a huge difference in how long I sleep, because I wake up from it.
 
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