Sexual Assault Don't know if this can be considered sexual assault.

[Nightingale]

So I'm new here but I have an important question. Hell, I don't even know if it's a question but I really need to talk to someone and I'm so embarrassed that I'm not able to talk to anyone I know.
So, yesterday I went to this big party in my hometown and well, I'm in my twenties and didn't have any sexual experience so I kinda felt pressured about it.
Anyways, I got real drunk for the first time in my life and a guy I didn't even know lead me to the dance floor. He started to kiss me, which is fine, I guess and we started hugging and touching. He kept insisting on going with him to his house, which I didn't want to, I wasn't being unequivocal about it, but I clearly said I didn't want to. He grabbed very tight and kissing me very violently, he was hurting me and, again, I said that I had to go to meet my friends. So he stopped and said he was going to take me to them. Honestly, I didn't believe him, but I was so drunk I could barely think for myself. He took me to an alley and he pushed me against the wall, groping my butt and my breasts quite violently. I said again that I had to leave but he didn't stop and he took his pennis out of his pants and I was shocked he told me to touch it, to do him a blowjob and I said I wanted to leave and he told me that if I wanted to leave I had to do it and I started to do it but I inmediately stopped. He told me that it was okay, that he was going to do it himself but that I had to kiss him. I
reluctantly did it, insisting of the fact that I had to leave. He wanted to finish off on me but I refused. Then people came by so he left.
I can't stop thinking that it was my fault, for my behaviour, for being drunk, agreeing to it in the first place. I don't know if it is sexual assault or not, but I'm feeling really down, dirty, and embarrased.

Thanks for listening to me, really. I really had to let it out in some way.

 

[Friday]

Are you wondering if you were raped? read this first.

 

[EveHarrington]

Nah, it’s not your fault!

He made the decision to be an asshole and do those things to you.

Just know that in the future it’s important to drink responsibly knowing that jerks like this exist who will try to take advantage of inebriated women.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Well, if you are unsure of whether or not this was sexual assault: it was. You arent dirty though, and it wasn't your fault. You didn't choose to do that shit - you did what you needed to do to get out of that situation in one piece, and alive.

You were both intoxicated and physically threatened/forced. He forced himself on you, intimidated you. You made it clear you didnt want it, but he didnt give a f*ck.

Since this is something really fresh, that happened yesterday - I would strongly suggest talking with a rape counselor or trauma specialized mental health professional of some kind.

If you didnt have PTSD before this sexual assault, you might not develop it - and getting early intervention and help could help up your chances of not developing PTSD or other trauma-related mental illnesses. Also, if you do wind up developing any mental illnesses, early intervention will be very helpful - I would have probably wound up dead or in a psych ward or something if I didnt get help right away. My first appointment with my first therapist was 2ish days after the last rape. I still had a horribly rough ride (and I'm still on the ride of course >.<) but, I would have been so so SO f*cked without any help.

I know it's not easy to talk about that stuff, but they could help you with your negative feelings in regards to what has happened. You didnt deserve to have that happen, but you do deserve help with it.

 

[Nightingale]

Well, if you are unsure of whether or not this was sexual assault: it was. You arent dirty though, an...

Thanks for the reply! I considered to seek help before, when I got assaulted two years ago but it is difficult for me; I am very short of money and my insurance does not cover mental health so... I don't know what to do. I decided not to talk about it with friends neither, I feel embarrassed and the first time I got assaulted, I tried to talk about it and they just laughed it off, telling me that it was not a big deal.

But thanks, really. At least your answer helped me feel a little better.

Nah, it’s not your fault!

He made the decision to be an asshole and do those things to you....

Thanks for the reply!
Yes, you are right, I should have known better, that’s the reason why I think it’s my fault, at least partially. I hope these feelings of disgust and guilty will go away, eventually.

 

[Scarlet13]

You should be able to get as drunk as you want to and not have another human being drag you into an alley and force you to perform oral sex.
You were sexually assaulted and getting drunk or nor getting drunk doesn't matter.
You could have been sexually assaulted stone cold sober.
I am sorry this happened to you as one of your first experiences. Try talking to your friends about it, you might be surprised.

 

[EveHarrington]

You should be able to get as drunk as you want to and not have another human being drag you into an a...

“Should” is a far cry from reality and given that there are plenty of asshole sexually abusive men it there who will take advantage of inebriated women, we must protect ourselves.

 

[Nightingale]

You should be able to get as drunk as you want to and not have another human being drag you into an a...

Thanks for replying! I actually talked about it with one of my closest friends and it made me feel better honeslty, she was more understading than I thought.

“Should” is a far cry from reality and given that there are plenty of asshole sexually abusiv...

I agree with you, but that's the underlying problem. Any woman should be able, if she wanted, to get drunk or do whatever she wanted with her body, without being judged or without fearing to be assaulted or any of this sh*it.
And of course, that was the root of my problem, I got drunk in a party and I did not think about all the assholes out there.

 

[blackemerald1]

And of course, that was the root of my problem, I got drunk in a party and I did not think about all the assholes out there.

^^This is the really sad reality of where we are in society. I hope it improves I really do.

@Nightingale see if you have any free phone counselling services for sexual assault in your area. Or since you are young are there any local church or outreach centres where they offer free counselling. If there is - it's still a very good idea to go and have a talk.

You should not feel dirty. It is not your fault. He was a jerk.

 

[Nightingale]

^^This is the really sad reality of where we are in society. I hope it improves I really do.

[US...

Thanks for the advice! I will see if I find any kind of free couselling.
I know I should not feel that way but deep down I feel ashamed and disgusting. I know I was forced, but I did what I did. I know that only 3 days have passed but I whenever I see the bruises he left on my body, I can't help but feel dirty, I don't know if that make sense. I don't want to sound overly dramatic, but I truly feel that way.

And thanks for the reply, by the way!