Is nipple pinching considered sexual abuse?

[New here]

My mother used to pinch my nipples from 9-11 or so when she noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra(I used to hate the feeling on my skin) I used to get really upset and cry but she would do it anyway, enough to hurt. I was thinking about how as an adult I don’t enjoy my nipples/chest being touched. She’s my mother so it’s hard for me to think of it as abuse but I had a friend tell me it was, so I wanted objective opinions.

 

[Sideways]

Abuse, for children, here in Australia, is any physical or emotional ill-treatment of a child that does (or has the potential to) cause harm.

Sexual abuse is that, but sexual in nature.

Soooo, there’s a number of qualifiers there around the grey areas: “ill-treatment” (yeah, it probably is), that does or potentially could cause harm (that’s extreeeeemely broad). Is it of a sexual nature? Arguably.

That’s a whole lot of subjectivity on a question being posed as though there’s a definitive answer.

In your part of the world, legally, there may be a definitive answer. Potentially hidden in case law.

Which turns things into legalism. Which it isn’t.

The question is: is it causing you distress? If so? You don’t need to just put up with that distress. Seek out professional support. Because irrespective of the definitions of abuse? That’s exactly what support is for.

 

[arfie]

these days, elementary school flirtations are considered sexual abuse. why not this, too?

shall we post your mama on a sexual predator website? the safety of my nipples demands it! ! !

for what it's worth
not even nipple pinching --or even threats from bosses-- was enough to get me into an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. i consider those contraptions to be cruel and unusual punishment. i ain't wearing no chastity belt, either! ! !

 

[Friday]

when she noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra(I

You answered your own question.

She didn’t do it for sexual gratification, but to tell you to put on a bra.

Being in a car accident where a seatbelt splits a boob in 2? Also isn’t sexual abuse. Nor the mastectomy that follows.

It’s not the sex organ being involved that makes assault or injury sexual.

Similar? If someone holds your head whilst orally raping you? That’s sexual assault. Someone holding your head whilst forcing medicine down your throat, instead of a penis/vagina? Not sexual assault.

Doesn’t mean that any of the above won’t have lasting effect(s). Nor that they cannot be components in an abusive relationship. Just that they aren’t sexual abuse.

 

[EveHarrington]

I disagree that sexual abuse is only sexual abuse based on the intentions of the abuser.

This means you could be raped every day for a decade by someone who wasn’t doing it to be sexual and therefor it’s not “sexual abuse”?

This isn’t how it works.

 

[Sideways]

raped

Rape is sexual. By definition.

 

[Movingforward10]

It’s complicated, isn’t it?

I’ve decided what my mum did/does isn’t sexual abuse, as I’m not convinced there was a sexual element or gratification on her part. More of an ‘ownership’ thing. She owns me, she has the right to do what she wants with my body, I don’t get a say. She would (and would still today, in my 40s, if she got the chance) always walk in when I was/am changing or if I was on the toilet (they haven’t fixed the bathroom lock for 40 years) so she could see me naked, and seemingly be obsessed about my body (making comments, touching me etc). All actions to reinforce her power over me and put me in my place, rather than sexual gratification. I think. That’s how I am seeing it anyway. Very effective, as to this day I still haven’t been able to say to her “please don’t touch me”, despite practising this with my T for 3 years.

it seems to me what your mum was doing was inducing shame in you. Psychical assault more than sexual abuse?

what do you view it as? As it’s how you hold it that is key.

 

[No More]

I’ll stick my head up and be blunt (as usual, surprise surprise)

No, I do not consider this to be sexual abuse.

However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t an event you find distressing/upsetting, and if it’s something you feel is bothering you and causing you problems then absolutely it’s something you should take to a therapist and discuss. If it’s never something that bothers you or causing you distress in your life at the moment, that’s subjective for you to decide, and what your friend would consider to trouble them, might not really trouble you, and vice versa.

 

[kay93]

You answered your own question.

She didn’t do it for sexual gratification, but to tell you to put on a bra.

Being in a car accident where a seatbelt splits a boob in 2? Also isn’t sexual abuse. Nor the mastectomy that follows.

It’s not the sex organ being involved that makes assault or injury sexual.

Similar? If someone holds your head whilst orally raping you? That’s sexual assault. Someone holding your head whilst forcing medicine down your throat, instead of a penis/vagina? Not sexual assault.

Doesn’t mean that any of the above won’t have lasting effect(s). Nor that they cannot be components in an abusive relationship. Just that they aren’t sexual abuse.

I also disagree that it’s dependent on whether or not the abuser was seeking sexual gratification. This is because, many times, especially when children are involved, SA is not about sexual attraction or arousal. It’s about power. SA is not sex. And people who abuse small children don’t think of it as sex. They think of it as a gaining of power.

Additionally, there are numerous situations where someone can be violated in very inappropriate ways that you may not be able to think of. For example, when I was 2 years and 10 months old, I had this urology test done to see why I was getting UTIs. The doctor egregiously hid many of the processes involved in the exam from my parents, and my mom wasn’t allowed in the room during it. The doctor lied and they would not be touching me down there at all, let alone putting things inside of me, which is what happened. Many men (nurses) held me down while others touched me and stuck things inside me. My mom only found out years later, when I was a bit older and opened up to her about it (I can still remember it). She was infuriated and wanted to sue the doctor, but the doctor was dead. Were the nurses who were following the doctor’s instructions seeking sexual gratification? No. Does that take away how I was violated? No.

And I mean, a family friend started molesting me at around the same time, and to be honest, I don’t think my little brain was very clearly able to tell the difference. Impact over intent, especially when it comes to violating children’s bodily autonomy.

 

[Sideways]

I also disagree that it’s dependent on whether or not the abuser was seeking sexual gratification.

I wouldn’t personally add the ‘gratification’ to it, but sexual abuse does have to be sexualised behaviour.

It can still, fundamentally, be about power. Abuse most often is. But there are different ways of exercising that power, which then get grouped into different types of abuse.

For example, physical violence, as an exercise of power, is physical abuse. Economic or monetary controls or deprivation are financial abuse. Abuse of older people is elder abuse, while abuse of children is child abuse.

Sexual abuse is another one of those categories. They are all, fundamentally, about use of power over the victim. With sexual abuse, it is sexualised abuse, as an exercise of power. Even if power is the fundamental motivator (financial abuse is a good example), it is still necessarily sexualised in order to be sexual abuse.

 

[Dill]

I wouldn’t personally add the ‘gratification’ to it, but sexual abuse does have to be sexualised behaviour.

It can still, fundamentally, be about power. Abuse most often is. But there are different ways of exercising that power, which then get grouped into different types of abuse.

For example, physical violence, as an exercise of power, is physical abuse. Economic or monetary controls or deprivation are financial abuse. Abuse of older people is elder abuse, while abuse of children is child abuse.

Sexual abuse is another one of those categories. They are all, fundamentally, about use of power over the victim. With sexual abuse, it is sexualised abuse, as an exercise of power. Even if power is the fundamental motivator (financial abuse is a good example), it is still necessarily sexualised in order to be sexual abuse.

well ofc, but who says what either of these people went through wasnt sexualized. i dont think anyone has the right to define anyone elses trauma. you don’t know why op’s mom did what she did. and neither would the op when they were a kid.

 

[Sideways]

you don’t know why op’s mom did what she did.

Take a breath. I’ve actually gone to some lengths to not give a definitive answer to the OP’s question.

In terms of whether anyone “has the right” to define someone else’s trauma - that’s literally what the OP has asked members to do. Expressing an opinion on that is what the thread was opened for.