Cheque’s haven’t been cashed in 6 weeks

[blackemerald1]

hat's called properly balancing a check book. I never, ever, EVER go off of what's in my checking account. I g

Yes! Everyone gets the not spending money that is already spent!!! :wtf: That's not the issue here. :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That's not the issue here.

I wasn't speaking about the OP but rather your statement specfically.

OP, if you feel uncomfortable with 6 checks (I'm the US so we say checks) being held I'd go cash or debit card only.

 

[grit]

Bluejam

Your anger is really justified for two reasons: at minimum
Every therapist knows what happens in therapy is therapeutic so a therapist not to cash cheques even after you reminded her tells me there is something weird. Sure maybe this is not psycho-dynamic psychotherapy where even coming late is analysed but still really...even if my rent is not taken out, I would be like what is up?

The second and more important is since you are here and may have PTSD or other trauma, how inconsiderate she is not paying attention and feeling your anxiety? It is one thing to forgot one month. but few is just wrong.

so your anger is justified. Cancelling therapy is not. Especially if you like her and she is helping you.

If you can afford and I am sorry your therapist is not intuitive, send her email (put it in writing) and say, I will bring cash today. Please do not cash my cheques, I will pick them up today after my session.

This way you are empowered to solve your problem and do not have to worry unnecessary when she will cash it.

Therapy supposed to be here and now and help you with your feeling. if you are concerned with your finances and this is ongoing, gosh, I am sorry you must be so anxious about this. to me this oversight is overshadowing your progress.

 

[Bluejam]

Thanks Grit for your response.

For a full year of seeing her I’ve never had an issue with her cashing my cheque’s…

About 2 months ago I brought up with my T that I thought things weren’t moving as fast as I liked them to. She said what if I provide you 6 months of free therapy and you can assess after that if progress hasn’t been made. I told her I was extremely uncomfortable with her offer and refused. I told her since money is not an issue for me, that I continue to pay her, but that she offer her kind gesture to someone less fortunate. She agreed, and that’s when my cheque’s stopped being cashed.

I can’t help but feel that if cashing my cheques aren’t important, I mustn’t be that important as a client.

I’m a very functioning PTSD survivor. I own a very successful business, and I get up every morning and face the day and some days are f#@king hard... my demons are dark and even though I’ve stressed this with my T, people only see the exterior.

 

[Abstract]

I relate to being outwardly functional (at times - others not) and that almost being a double edged sword.

Your further info is interesting. Its an extraordinary offer on her part. And good of you to offer it to someone else. I guess she is having some internal conflict about talking that money at a wild guess (doing mindreading ;) ) How strange.

Can you see you were so important she was willing to do 6 months therapy free. And in fact she is not running after your money so that would logically be the opposite from not valuing you. Not running to take your money = not valuing you makes no sense.

What symbol does money have for you? It may be worth doing a new thread so it doesn't get lost at the end of this one.

 

[Bluejam]

It may be worth doing a new thread so it doesn't get lost at the end of this one.

I’ve been ridiculed enough in this post I don’t dare start another

 

[Abstract]

I don't think that was the intention and certainly wouldn't be if you speak about real feelings and details. Don't give up.

 

[EveHarrington]

So instead of taking responsibility for the fact that money triggers you, you are blaming your therapist for not running her business up to your standards.

Again, if you properly balance your checkbook and do a lot of self talk regarding how checking accounts actually work, you can get through this issue.

A big part of the problem is that you are holding your therapist up to your own standards instead of accepting that she is human and can run her business as she sees fit.

If you have this big of a problem with her, you can always find someone else.

 

[Friday]

I can’t help but feel that if cashing my cheques aren’t important, I mustn’t be that important as a client.

The link here is probably super obvious to you, but I don’t see it // the logic doesn’t parse.

The logic itself is very simple, If つ then.

If XYZ isn’t important, then I’m not important.

Tying your value as a person/client/etc. to XYZ? Is one of those things that tends to make a great deal of emotional sense to us, as individuals, but from the outside? It’s often boggling that the connection would ever be made at all.

Try substituting “eating watermelon” for “cashing my cheques”, to get an outside perspective. That simply doesn’t parse, right? Because you don’t attach your value to fruit.

It also makes sense that if that’s your logic, you tie your value to your money, why you’d feel ridiculed when others weren’t in any way discussing your value as a person. No more than we’d be discussing your value whilst discussing eating watermelon.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't understand why you didn't ask her before now. After the first check, the 2nd session "why didn't you cash the last check I gave you?" During the 3rd session "why haven't you cashed the last 2 checks" and so on? Why now after 6 checks she suddenly doesn't think you are important? I don't get it. I would have been on my therapist's ass or at least ask each session. Explained my worry, etc. I think your anger is misdirected to be honest.

 

[talon]

I’d like someone’s feedback...please.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for over a year and recently she has stopped cashing my cheque’s. I currently have 4 outstanding cheque’s and my account is going to take a huge hit if she cashed them all at once. It’s got me so angry that I’m thinking of canceling my up coming appointment.

She knows she’s doing this cause she apologized in the last session for not getting to the bank. I’ve offered to e-transfer if it made her life easier and she said it didn’t matter.

Do I have a right to be angry and is it childish that I cancel all further appointments till she cashes my cheque’s? I hate it when therapists are non chalant about these things. I’m so angry I don’t feel like going back to her.

Dealing with what you are dealing with is enough and losing control is not good. By her not dealing with this is unprofessional and if you lose control of your finances that's another stress you can do without . Be assertive that's not the same as being aggressive and tell her you need control of your life and your finances are a part of this . That's important

 

[Sideways]

I’ve been ridiculed enough in this post I don’t dare start another

So sorry.

I’m personally a bit appalled. People come on this site every single day to work through things that are causing them distress. Most times they get support and understanding.

If nothing else, I think maybe there’s some potential for the rest of us to work through why it was so difficult to be compassionate in this instance.