Sufferer Told I have CPTSD, but I don’t understand it at all, & have some questions.

[Ruthb]

Hi all

I've been told I have complex PTSD. I have some questions to ask about this as I don't understand it all. All my life I've made myself a brick wall and never given in and when I've been on the floor I've always made myself get up. I can't understand why now I feel like I've crumpled and no matter how I scream at myself inside my mind and body are so tired they can't. Can anyone help or point me in the right direction as in my mind this is not going to win but I need to find things out so I can understand what's up with me

Thanks Ruth

 

[Friday]

Welcome to MyPTSD... that’s pretty much what we do here... Figure it out, and share knowledge.

The ptsd cup explanation <<< Is my favorite place to start.

 

[MyWillow]

Yeah the first hurdle for me was understanding that I couldn’t just “get up” this time. At least not on my own. That was one hell of a shock. Straw. Camel.

Can I just say please don’t get too caught up in the diagnosis PROVIDED you have a good trauma T who can help you work through your symptoms etc slowly and carefully and safely. Use your diagnosis to help your find professionals and resources that match. It doesn’t define you.

 

[Skywatcher]

What specific questions do you have?

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[rosey]

Hi,

Cpstd has a way of flooring you right when you need it least. It is perfectly normal to feel as if you have been coping thus far but now its all too much. Sometimes our old coping mechanisms stop working for us and this could be a sign that you now need new healthier ways to cope. I think that main thing is to be kind and gentle with yourself while you work through what is happening now.

 

[ILoveLife]

Welcome!

Agreed to start with the stress cup explanation. Agreed that a diagnosis doesn't define you, it's really what we do with it.

My advice is be informed, read a lot and don't believe everything you read (even if folks repeat it a lot), find trusted professionals of trauma research books and articles, what the best courses of treatment are and build yourself a "toolbox" (it can be a folder on your computer for example) with tools from various therapies, to help you cope and organize your thoughts and emotions.
Most important of all: find a good therapist and never accept anything below of what you deserve.

 

[Invisible Fire]

I felt the same way when diagnosed. Still struggle with figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing. I was lucky and found a good trauma T. It did seem as if all my old coping mechanisms just quit working and everything slammed me to the ground and I'm still unable to get back up and stay up. I read "Body keeps the score" and recently started reading "tapping In". Tons of info on here and online. I agree the PTSD cup explanation is helpful. I think joining this site is a good step forward.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi and welcome.
I've been diagnosed with CPTSD too. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll be fine.

 

[Empty Shell]

Hi all

I've been told I have complex PTSD. I have some questions to ask about this as I don't understand it all. All my life I've made myself a brick wall and never given in and when I've been on the floor I've always made myself get up. I can't understand why now I feel like I've crumpled and no matter how I scream at myself inside my mind and body are so tired they can't. Can anyone help or point me in the right direction as in my mind this is not going to win but I need to find things out so I can understand what's up with me

Thanks Ruth

I need to figure this out too, Ruth. I kept asking the last shrink if I'm supposed to feel this way. She couldn't answer anything, but instead would look at me quizzically like an owl. Every time I'd say something she didn't quite understand she would tilt her head, and no answers whatsoever. The more I read here, the more I see that yes, it is exactly the way I should be feeling because everything I'm reading here since intro yesterday is ME. What I've been verbalizing for years and years. I'm scared, freaked out really. It's bizarre. I stopped numbing by alcohol April of 2017 and that is a thing of the past. Now to deal with the feelings I was numbing. I'm overwhelmed. There are no groups for help, and medical is very questionable in my mind. I've been in counseling to FIX ME for 2/3 of my life. 40+ yrs of counseling, medications, worthless medical attention. Misdiagnosed all this time - although PTSD was in my files for years and years. NO ONE ADDRESSED IT. EVER. I'm in anger and rage a lot of the time, otherwise crumpled and sobbing from memories. What could have been a successful life is done. I feel destroyed. I'm tired of having meltdowns everywhere that is inappropriate. I hope you're in touch w me, maybe we can help each other recover from this living hell. I guess what I'm most terrified of is that it won't get better. Take care, and hope to hear from you. Thanks for sharing. Mo

 

[Ruthb]

I need to figure this out too, Ruth. I kept asking the last shrink if I'm supposed to feel this way. She couldn't answer anything, but instead would look at me quizzically like an owl. Every time I'd say something she didn't quite understand she would tilt her head, and no answers whatsoever. The more I read here, the more I see that yes, it is exactly the way I should be feeling because everything I'm reading here since intro yesterday is ME. What I've been verbalizing for years and years. I'm scared, freaked out really. It's bizarre. I stopped numbing by alcohol April of 2017 and that is a thing of the past. Now to deal with the feelings I was numbing. I'm overwhelmed. There are no groups for help, and medical is very questionable in my mind. I've been in counseling to FIX ME for 2/3 of my life. 40+ yrs of counseling, medications, worthless medical attention. Misdiagnosed all this time - although PTSD was in my files for years and years. NO ONE ADDRESSED IT. EVER. I'm in anger and rage a lot of the time, otherwise crumpled and sobbing from memories. What could have been a successful life is done. I feel destroyed. I'm tired of having meltdowns everywhere that is inappropriate. I hope you're in touch w me, maybe we can help each other recover from this living hell. I guess what I'm most terrified of is that it won't get better. Take care, and hope to hear from you. Thanks for sharing. Mo

Hi Mo
Thanks for your reply.It was good to hear from someone who feels the same as me.Earlier this year I used alcohol to numb my fears etc but thankfully I don't now although now and again I do just to relax It's ok these so called experts saying drink doesn't help....Nor do they.Its either oh here's some pills (which I won't take) now go away or they sit and pretend to listen and be interested while watching the clock.
They all say different things while we are breaking inside trying to be strong.Would you like my email as it's far easier than signing in and also unless I sign in I won't know you've messaged.
It will be good to keep in touch if nothing else we can do what all of us need....Just be there to help and listen
Ruth

 

[Ruthb]

What specific questions do you have?

Hi
I guess I feel lost in it all eg the way I'm feeling and mind blocks where I seem to go back when I see or hear something that triggers it.Also 1 specialist said I shouldn't have treatment that talks about the past yet another 1 says I should yet because he's not trained in complex PTSD those in charge of him have referred me back to the first one.I get so upset inside with fear and nightmares and tiredness that I end up sobbing.I question myself as to where have I gone....I'm not the fighter I used to be.I try to crawl up but I'm struggling.Why Why Why
Ruth

Yeah the first hurdle for me was understanding that I couldn’t just “get up” this time. At least not on my own. That was one hell of a shock. Straw. Camel.

Can I just say please don’t get too caught up in the diagnosis PROVIDED you have a good trauma T who can help you work through your symptoms etc slowly and carefully and safely. Use your diagnosis to help your find professionals and resources that match. It doesn’t define you.

Hi Willow
Thanks for your reply.I wish I had a good expert , as for a good team i haven't even
got one.I don't understand what's so difficult for them all .When you sit in a room with an expert and all you can do is try to talk through the tears the last thing you want is them starring at a clock saying they are mindful of the time.Nobody who feels bad should go through this it's all so wrong .
Sorry to rant I'm just so frustrated by it all.

Hi and welcome.
I've been diagnosed with CPTSD too. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll be fine.

Hi and welcome.
I've been diagnosed with CPTSD too. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll be fine.

Hi Lucycat
Thanks for your reply.I think your so right.If I look ahead it's gloom so I try and look for today.Today I'm alive and all's well is what I think every morning.I try not to be down and be positive.I also find if I think something bads going to happen I ask myself what evidence I have of this and as I can't think of anything it helps.