just saying - "I push you away to protect you from ME"

[Freida]

Here's the link --- I started it to explain my (sufferer) viewpoint but I've learned an amazing amount about what supporters think too...
What are they thinking

 

[LuckiLee]

When my guy pushes me away. I let him. We live together so I just give him the space he needs. When PTSD hits the fan I'm the first thing to get pushed away. He trusts me that I won't go anywhere. It's a test of sorts.

 

[Tinyflame]

I like your post @NaeNae75 .

I just thought of something- dog wise, hope it makes sense am rushing.. I owned a retired-at-2 years old- Police Dog/ Personal Protection Dog (retired from injury, saved a person's life). Everyone to her was untrustworthy, nearly (strangers)- everyone was fair game. But, she would die for you in a heartbeat, when it was 'her people', she needed to protect. Even her Vet, she would put her bum to him! :) But he said, when she died, "thank you for the privilege of letting me treat her". And, 'I only wish she would have taken cookies from my hand" (he would throw them :) ). All my dogs would die for me (us), even took on bears, which they're not supposed to, because of innate fear for all animals.

So, maybe it's possible, to realize such a tendency, can be good, or self-limiting? To not just try to over-ride it, but somehow work with it?

 

[NaeNae75]

I like your post @NaeNae75 .

I just thought of something- dog wise, hope it makes sense am rushing.. I owned a retired-at-2 years old- Police Dog/ Personal Protection Dog (retired from injury, saved a person's life). Everyone to her was untrustworthy, nearly (strangers)- everyone was fair game. But, she would die for you in a heartbeat, when it was 'her people', she needed to protect. Even her Vet, she would put her bum to him! :) But he said, when she died, "thank you for the privilege of letting me treat her". And, 'I only wish she would have taken cookies from my hand" (he would throw them :) ). All my dogs would die for me (us), even took on bears, which they're not supposed to, because of innate fear for all animals.

So, maybe it's possible, to realize such a tendency, can be good, or self-limiting? To not just try to over-ride it, but somehow work with it?

Wow...uh, yep... It's kind of crazy, isn't it? I wish I could figure it out....I'm pretty sure that it would make most of our lives better, but I haven't got a clue, and I can't change anyone else. It just sucks in all ways sometimes. I guess if we can be more self aware and realize that these are feelings and not "truth" then maybe it can be easier. I don't know....but it's so hard to let go of.

 

[Freida]

When PTSD hits the fan I'm the first thing to get pushed away. He trusts me that I won't go anywhere. It's a test of sorts.

hey that sounds familiar! :laugh: :hug:

 

[Confused_84]

When my guy pushes me away. I let him. We live together so I just give him the space he needs. When PTSD hits the fan I'm the first thing to get pushed away. He trusts me that I won't go anywhere. It's a test of sorts.

So, the pushing away is more of a trust thing? I have been getting upset when my bf pushes me away because I feel like it’s because he doesn’t trust me to let me in on what’s going on with him.

 

[LuckiLee]

PTSD is an awful disorder. It takes my guy to some really dark, scary, horrible places. That said. Of course he wouldn't want his loved ones to see him in "that" place. He's a gentleman. We're committed so I've seen him at his worst and I accept it. All of it. He's not violent or abusive. His words can be abusive because he tries to push me away. I leave the room so he can bitch to himself. He can't hurt my feelings if I don't listen to it..... Yep. It comes down to trust.

 

[EveHarrington]

So, the pushing away is more of a trust thing? I have been getting upset when my bf pushes me away because I feel like it’s because he doesn’t trust me to let me in on what’s going on with him.

For that one person, yes, as she has said, pushing away comes down to trust.

However this is not true of all of us. Many of us push people away for reasons other than trust.

 

[LuckiLee]

^^^True! This is after years of therapy, meds, group therapy, and a whole lotta work on our part. We've worked really had to get here. It wasn't easy that's fo sho. His ex's have nothing to do with him. He was untreated for decades and left broken hearts along the way. HE decided he wasn't going to live like that anymore and reached out for help. I wouldn't still be here if he wasn't trying.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess if we can be more self aware and realize that these are feelings and not "truth" then maybe it can be easier. I don't know....but it's so hard to let go of.

I just wonder, too, is mistrust actually because of a lack of trust? I think, maybe not. Because, mistrust can of course be an internal thought related to a lack of trust, or a belief, or a symptom of a lack of trust, but that does not make it the cause of a lack of trust. I know that sounds wonky or circular. :confused:

But if the amygdala processes so fast it's not actually accurate- just responsive to registering threat, and triggers can cause the amygdala to hijack (let alone sensory data or issues), and 'trust' itself maybe is not only the absence of mistrust, then perhaps it's not exactly connected that way? Perhaps that infers it's about time,, and re-wiring- and hard-wiring - and choice, or gamble? Is trust more than the absence of mistrust? Is it more about the presence of trust- than absence of mistrust (- or even capability, entirely, maybe like my dog, she never 'forgot' to mistrust)?

 

[Bananamango]

It blows my mind how people don’t understand. They SEE how destructive I am. How do I not think I am the scum of the earth when I have been told such my entire life? I hate this life. I can’t live with the guilt of subjecting someone to this when I want nothing more than to leave it all behind and be normal. Sometimes I think people are stupid. It’s like telling someone you’re a venomous rattlesnake who can deathly hurt them but they still want to play with the rattlesnake anyway. I don’t get it.

You will have redeeming qualities you're not even aware of. We are there because we want to be. I'm sorry to hear you feel guilt...we're not stupid, we care about you, even when you may not value yourself as much as we do. Are you really as bad as you tell yourself? I suspect you are not, but "you have been told such your entire life." You believing in your value is the hard part. I hope you can get to a point where you can like yourself. None of it was your fault. Try to let us in.

 

[Deleted member 47388]

its so hard as I can not tell you as you cant or wont understand but I push you away to protect you from ME

If they don't give you space you create it, simple as that.