Sad thing - When you tell your therapist all your abuse and she can’t hug you because of boundaries.

[Snowflake]

Depends on the therapist. I developed an awesome and highly therapeutic relationship with my T BECAUSE he uses safe healing touch in his practice. I couldn't learn to trust without the touch aspect. He knows this, so hugs are a regular thing. Always consensual, always non-sexual, but very healing to have that caring "father" figure in my therapy. He's even been known to sit on the floor and hold me for 20 minutes anytime I ask. VERY rare, and one the reasons I stay with him as my T.

For me, I couldn't do meaningful therapy without the touch aspect. I've tried. This guy is an amazing fit for me, and I'm totally blessed to have found him. And it doesn't matter about the male/female issue to either of us. He's my T, he's safe, and it helps me. Good luck finding what you need! It is out there!

That’s awesome!!!

 

[NatBird]

Um, that is unfortunate.

I think that touch can be so healing/holding and allow so much more than words can, one of the reasons why I work with a body psychotherapist. For me it goes much deeper that only talking.

I wonder if there a bridge that can be made so that you can have your need met and she can keep her boundaries?

 

[Snowflake]

Um, that is unfortunate.

I think that touch can be so healing/holding and allow so much more than words can, one of the reasons why I work with a body psychotherapist. For me it goes much deeper that only talking.

I wonder if there a bridge that can be made so that you can have your need met and she can keep her boundaries?

I’m not sure. Any ideas?

 

[NatBird]

um probably sounds silly but was thinking about a piece of cloth, one with some length, that you could both grasp and pull (or not) to show some kind of alliance.

I've worked with a rolled up towel with my therapist to do all sorts - loosen armour, assert boundaries, connect when I didn't want touch

 

[Snowflake]

um probably sounds silly but was thinking about a piece of cloth, one with some length, that you could both grasp and pull (or not) to show some kind of alliance.

I've worked with a rolled up towel with my therapist to do all sorts - loosen armour, assert boundaries, connect when I didn't want touch

Interesting idea. :)

 

[Wendell_R]

thinking about a piece of cloth, one with some length

One of the most intense experiences I've had in the past five years is when my therapist and I did body mirroring. We both stand, facing one another. One person does a motion or position, and the other follows. Examples: hands to heart, hands apart and facing the other so our palms face, self hugs, holding Baby in our arms. We've also done this each holding a small polished stone. Sometimes I lead, sometimes she does. Although there was no touch, this exercise let me experience safe asking for touch and a deep intimacy. The plus side of "no touch" is that I can largely recreate this experience by myself (often standing by my favorite lake, and crying a lot).

 

[Snowflake]

One of the most intense experiences I've had in the past five years is when my therapist and I did body mirroring. We both stand, facing one another. One person does a motion or position, and the other follows. Examples: hands to heart, hands apart and facing the other so our palms face, self hugs, holding Baby in our arms. We've also done this each holding a small polished stone. Sometimes I lead, sometimes she does. Although there was no touch, this exercise let me experience safe asking for touch and a deep intimacy. The plus side of "no touch" is that I can largely recreate this experience by myself (often standing by my favorite lake, and crying a lot).

Wow-I’m not sure I can do that though.

 

[Abstract]

havent read the responses Snowflake but think many t's wouldn't do so without invitation as touch in therapy can be triggering or feel like a boundary violation for many. Lots of discussions on here about that. Also some t's will have beliefs against it and see it as a boundary violation regardless.
Saying that, it can be fine or healing and I would imagine ideally needs to start with you sharing it would be OK with you. Or if that is hard you could discuss it as a concept. Intellectualise it a little. Distance it from you and that might help. What are her beliefs or approach. etc. Good luck.

when my therapist and I did body mirroring.

Is she gestalt wendall?

 

[Kubash16]

havent read the responses Snowflake but think many t's wouldn't do so without invitation as touch in therapy can be triggering or feel like a boundary violation for many. Lots of discussions on here about that. Also some t's will have beliefs against it and see it as a boundary violation regardless.
Saying that, it can be fine or healing and I would imagine ideally needs to start with you sharing it would be OK with you. Or if that is hard you could discuss it as a concept. Intellectualise it a little. Distance it from you and that might help. What are her beliefs or approach. etc. Good luck.

How would you suggest bringing it up? T and I established in the first session that I have problems with touch and there have been multiple sessions where me having a problem with people touching or being too close. But just randomly announcing that hey T I’m cool with you touching me and being in my space enough to hug me seems creepy, weird, and just so wrong. But I know given our discussions he’s not going to be the one to suggest it.

 

[Abstract]

What about saying you would like to discuss the concept of touch in therapy. If that feels too hard you could start discussing touch in general. Then bring up comfort etc. See where it takes you. Think of it as a scientific investigation. ;-)

 

[Friday]

but think many t's wouldn't do so without invitation as it can be triggering or feel like a boundary violation for many.

Same, if there are certain kinds of attachment issues in play, because it can SHIFT! all of the attachment to the therapist... which can be... problematic.

Similar to holding someone who’s just been raped. It’s perfectly natural. And can be super helpful. They can ALSO go from sobbing in your arms one moment, to trying to sleep with you the next, to beating the living hell out of you if you try and pull away. None of it is personal, it’s simply them reacting under intense stress in perfectly natural ways. You’re not real to them, you’re a thing, that’s desperately wanted... to make them feel better. Like a drug. And like a drug, sometimes that helps, other times that leads to ruin & misery.

Trauma reactions are notoriously violent-meaning-sudden-and-profound... so what seems like it might be helpful? Or desperately wanted? Might be. Or might create a huge amount of harm (for the person who has been traumatized).

It’s one of those case-by-case, moment by moment judgement call things... that can and often does change over time... as people’s instinctive responses change to conscious decisions. IE what could create & cement a super unhealthy bond today? (That can take years to unravel, and get back to where you were before that, and all the things that followed because of it?) In 6 months is strengthening and helpful.

 

[Snowflake]

How would you suggest bringing it up? T and I established in the first session that I have problems with touch and there have been multiple sessions where me having a problem with people touching or being too close. But just randomly announcing that hey T I’m cool with you touching me and being in my space enough to hug me seems creepy, weird, and just so wrong. But I know given our discussions he’s not going to be the one to suggest it.

I asked her on Thursday if I was too damaged or dirty to get a hug. She said no it was boundaries. Then she said it’s especially not safe to give sexual abuse survivors hugs. Ugh. I really felt damaged.
I understand her thoughts it just hurts.