The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[mumstheword]

Speaking of Aspie crap ... The inevitable is happening. I don't feel like I "fit in" here. I did, for a bit, but those persistant feelings of ailen-freak-who-nobody-likes-or-can-relate-to have returned. It's my saddest symptom. I know it's me doing it to myself, but, as usual, I can't "keep up" socially, with all you NT's.

I guess I need to keep working on liking myself regardless of that annoying, persistant state of edge-dwelling.
My brain will have to do, even if it's an annoying, inadequate-social-processor.
I hope being in hospital boosts my self esteem. I really want to like myself even if I am an annoying aspie dickhead.

 

[littleoc]

If it helps, I think every member feels this way at least once. It’s a vulnerable place. :hug:

You do fit in just fine, though. You have your own unique voice and you bring new things to conversations that are really helpful. :)

 

[mumstheword]

If it helps, I think every member feels this way at least once. It’s a vulnerable place. :hug:

You do fit in just fine, though. You have your own unique voice and you bring new things to conversations that are really helpful. :)

Thank you @littleoc, sweetheart. I really appreciate it. I had a little cry, I guess I've spent so much of my life like that. Looking at people in social circles and wondering how they do it. I really want to change that dynamic.
I was in a band, a few times. I liked how that felt. I, inevitably, got treated shittily by envious, controlling and competitive other members though, it took the fun out of it. Hopefully I can recreate that kind of creative dynamic, without the shittiness. :-) I'm just a bit lost at the moment, is all.
My guy has lots of work now, and I am, pretty much, doing nothing, so my self esteem is bound to suffer.
Next year, I am going to get out there and at least study, maybe even be lucky enough to get work, and, like you, I'm going to get my license, only, not as soon as you.:-) Good luck with that!
Work is so good for feelings of inclusion and validation! Failing work, at least I'll be back at uni. Things are getting better and better with my kids though :-) We are (nearly) all having dinner out tomorrow night.:-)

 

[littleoc]

Oh, lovely!!!!

And thank you :) if I can get my license, then so can you!!!

?

 

[Swift]

Oh my god mums.
You fit in here so, so, so we'll.
I really feel like this site wouldn't be the same without you.

I do feel like you get me - and I feel like I can totally relate to you.

I've been crapping on about DID for months and probably will continue to.

And - screw keeping up with NTs. I'm allistic, I'm pretty sure, but not NT in the sense I have DID and a different operating system.

This is not a place you have to be worried about social scripts. About "passing" or missing things or being weird or different - because we all f*cking are. And we love and support you absolutely no matter what.

 

[mumstheword]

Oh my god mums.
You fit in here so, so, so we'll.
I really feel like this site wouldn't be the same without you.

I do feel like you get me - and I feel like I can totally relate to you.

I've been crapping on about DID for months and probably will continue to.

And - screw keeping up with NTs. I'm allistic, I'm pretty sure, but not NT in the sense I have DID and a different operating system.

This is not a place you have to be worried about social scripts. About "passing" or missing things or being weird or different - because we all f*cking are. And we love and support you absolutely no matter what.

That's so, so lovely of you to say @Swift!
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
I'm glad you get me, I feel a connection with you too, and I don't think it's just because we are the Aussies of the crew. It's more than that.

 

[Swift]

Definitely :)

Hey, as an ally, is there anything I can do in the context of the forum that would help? I have autistic friends and friends with autism, who strongly prefer it worded either way.

This is one of my all time favorite posts on being a good ally:
"An ally is someone who has privilege along a particular axis who decides to use that privilege to combat oppression along a particular axis."

Linking I can't figure out right now but if you google how to be a good ally autism, you'll find it, it's about the third down.

I went and read a few links and stuff, I've done it before but I wanted to give myself a bit of a refresher so that I...
Could help, or at least not be a totally insensitive dickhead. It's sorta what I do when faced with something going on for someone I care about, read up and try to be there, and educate myself.

I think you're an amazing f*cking human and I'm privileged to know you.

 

[Freida]

This is not a place you have to be worried about social scripts. About "passing" or missing things or being weird or different - because we all f*cking are. And we love and support you absolutely no matter what.

@Swift nicely said!!!! And seconded!

 

[mumstheword]

Definitely :)

Hey, as an ally, is there anything I can do in the context of the forum that would help? I have autistic friends and friends with autism, who strongly prefer it worded either way.

This is one of my all time favorite posts on being a good ally:
"An ally is someone who has privilege along a particular axis who decides to use that privilege to combat oppression along a particular axis."

Linking I can't figure out right now but if you google how to be a good ally autism, you'll find it, it's about the third down.

I went and read a few links and stuff, I've done it before but I wanted to give myself a bit of a refresher so that I...
Could help, or at least not be a totally insensitive dickhead. It's sorta what I do when faced with something going on for someone I care about, read up and try to be there, and educate myself.

I think you're an amazing f*cking human and I'm privileged to know you.

I have no idea, but I'm very touched that you asked.:-) No one's even.asked me anything like that before. I'd have to think about it though, give a considered response and my brain-not-working so well ATM.
Very, very kind of you to ask, though.:-)

 

[mumstheword]

@Swift nicely said!!!! And seconded!

Thank you darling @Freida.:-)

 

[mumstheword]

So ... neighbor came over. Something about their cat. I was out the front with my guy. I just bolted. Major heart racing adrenal flooding. She obviously knows I avoid her now. I'm such a social tard! I'm feeling better than I used to now, knowing that it's because of my auti issues that its so hard for me, but, I'm still nearly crying. Luckily my guy is ignoring the issue. That works for me, I guess.
Man humiliation is a reoccurring theme for me, big time.
I'm wrapping my knowledge of my autiness around me. I'm comforting myself with this important peice of my personal puzzle, but it still hurts.
I'm invisible.
I'm not seen.
I'm not regarded.
It's been that way from the start.
Either I'm ignored or I'm "not right". I don't understand why I'm treated like a nuisance, a tool, or like I'm not there?
My guy asked me if I'm ok, and I'm not, I'm working hard to hold back the tears but he doesn't handle my difficulties with the neighbors (it's her and her mother and the mother was unreasonably horrible to me, on facebook, one of the reasons I stopped fb, quite a while ago but it was really hurtful and distressing) .
I feel like a subhuman, because of the way these people have been and because I don't know how to deal with my feelings and what to do, socially, how does this social-being thing work? I can't do it! Ok I am crying a little bit now.
This is one of the shit bits of shittiness about ptsd and Asd combined, for me, anyway.

 

[littleoc]

Don’t beat yourself up, though. It doesn’t matter what neighbor thinks :)