Sufferer Grief after therapist left job, wanting kind support : ) cPTSD & bipolar

[Hopefulphoenix]

Hey.
I am 42 and have Complex Ptsd and and am going through a super dark point in my recovery right now. Boy, I could use some support, hope & validation from people! There are so many places and forums on the net where people write desperate triggery posts. I dont want to do that.
Ok. Heres the deal; about a year and a half ago my therapist left her job just after I had given birth to my second child.
It was a testament to how far I had come in my recovery that I even dared to get pregnant again, as it was 6 months after my daughters birth that my ptsd went active.
First she went on holiday then month by month she just didnt come back. This went on for 6 months and I became very very depressed and ill. I had been with her for 3 years and she almost felt like the mother I never had. I felt suicidal and went into hospital, where I then developed psychotic and manic symptoms (I didnt even know I had Bi Polar). During this time I left my marriage and moved out. There is no way I would have decided that in my right mind.
Can grief really do that? Anyway I was given a new therapist but did not click with her one bit. I kept trying for a year.
Little by little the mania wore off and I had to face what had happened. And I sank back down into deep depression again. Its been four months now, and so hard and so very painful to get through every moment. The new therapist suggested that she couldn't help me in depression. Well great! I finally quit with her.
I have been taken on the books of another who seems very experienced and she actually wants to work with me. But its not till February. I am not working at the moment and xmas is big trigger time, particularly in depression.
I guess I need to hear that it will get better. That there is hope. That there is another side to this horrible depression. I feel so little and lost, like im trying to parent myself but I cant really. But! Im hanging on in there a day at a time.
My ex husband is keeping me going really, he says he would get back with me but I have to get better first,and I feel very far from that today.
Thanks for reading..maybe a long introduction? It would be so nice to know im not alone .

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @Hopefulphoenix welcome to the forum and I too hope we can help you along in your recovery by supporting you, reading and listening to your story and opinions and sharing with you things we have done and learned.

I know you are in a dark place right now but please have hope that you are going to find a way through this.

Depression is such a bitch of a disorder and accompanied with ptsd it really can exhaust all of your reserves.

I hear you when you say you also have Bi Polar (BPD) which must be very scary along with everything else.

But still there is a way forward and if you stick around we will support and encourage you to find your way.

 

[Wendell_R]

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found us. I have found wonderful support here, and I hope you do, too.

You've been through so much, but you're making it day by day and you know it! CPTSD can be daunting for both patients & therapists. I'm glad you're on the list of an experienced therapist. Many of us are not "cured" but have found the right combination of friends, meds, new ways of thinking, and therapy that has put some stability & joy back into life. I went through depression, addiction, denial, and putting my spouse through some bad places before finding a non-specialist therapist that finally diagnosed me with PTSD and brought some stability, and then finding the right trauma expert that has really brought healing. So, yes, I think there's hope.

I feel so little and lost, like im trying to parent myself but I cant really.

A good trauma therapist will be able to teach you to care for the little & lost side of you. And many of us here share this.

xmas is big trigger time, particularly in depression

Let us know when you need support!

 

[Sandstone]

I'm glad you found us.

I see a huge positive when you say

It was a testament to how far I had come in my recovery that I even dared to get pregnant again,

You have worked through this before, you will be able to do it again. Not saying that glibly, but you'll find there are lots of people here who are used to tackling the cycle of PTSD.

It must be hard now, trying to parent yourself and your children. Do share your experience with us, when you are comfortable.

 

[ILoveLife]

Hi and welcome :hug:
Not a long intro at all.

During this time I left my marriage and moved out. There is no way I would have decided that in my right mind.
Can grief really do that?

This is more the mania bipolar thing than grief.
Good news is bipolar is very manageable, and lots of people have both bipolar and ptsd and they live good lives, so there's hope :)

Holiday triggers are terrible, but the good thing about them is that they only happen once a year for a couple of days.

Parenting ourselves is extremelly difficult, I've been doing this for a while and often forget how to do it properly, so don't worry, we'll get there :hug:

Lots of self-care, never forget self-care.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! In the midst of all that is going on, you found this place, joined and reached out. That truly sounds like someone that has what it takes to move forward!!

There is a lot of hope. Found in all sorts of ways. Thru all sorts of people, so you are in the right place! So sorry for all that has brought you here, but very happy you reached out to let us know what is going on. Sending gentle hugs if you accept. If you are not ready for that, just save it and use it when you need it. :hug:'s

 

[Scarlet13]

Hi,
So are you sure you really have bipolar?
If this started post birth, manic and psychotic symptoms could be post partum depression and can start within the first year post birth, so you could have a 6 mos old and wham!

I had these symptoms and now it is *only* CPTSD and ADHD.

Many doctors are misinformed about post partum depression.

Have you had your thyroid checked?
Hypo or hyper thyroid (even sub clinical) can cause these symptoms.

What about other hormones?
I have adrenal fatigue which causes blood sugar swings leaving me with "manic symptoms".

A DO, functional doctor, can help with this.

Also, I don't know how fair it is for your ex husband to give you an ultimatum unless your symptoms caused you to be abusive?

If there is still love there, could you get couples therapy?

There have been many stories out there of women either getting a divorce they didn't want or almost getting a divorce due to post partum depression.