Try to keep one more thing in mind through this. I don't know him or what he's like, and I don't know you, but I do know that my biggest supporter? The one who stands by me through everything? He's the one who I can't hide from. He's the one who sees through my happy mask when no one else can, and when I want to run? He's the person I want to run the farthest from. I never want to leave him, but sometimes I can't bear that he looks at me and he sees me. The real me- every damaged, broken, ugly bit. He's my mirror, and sometimes I can't stand to see my own reflection.
Thank you! Hearing from other sufferers has been so helpful especially when we can't decipher what is happening in our own sufferes mind even with each individual unique circumstance they all seem to circle back to the same behaviors and how it reflects upon the supporter. My boyfriend is very private so I honestly don't know how much of what he struggles with his family and friends are aware of. His battle buddies I'm sure is a different story but I have no idea if he's been in contact with any of them for support (I can only hope) I feel like his biggest supporter. He's confided so much in me telling me that these are things he's never told anyone, which I believe. I'm just sure hes ready to face things demons by himself let alone with me. And the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming.
Girl. Same. Hugs if you’ll take ‘em. I don’t know up from down these days. Maybe no contact is a blessing... when I do get to talk to mine, it’s like talking to an alien. It often just ends up feeling pointless.
Yes I love hugs thank you!! When my boyfriend was having a bad day I would give him a 10 sec hug (that's long enough to start releasing endorphins) It became a little joke where he would do it to me when I was having a bad day and held me so tight while counting to make sure I don't break the hug... a fond little memory ?
I'm sorry for what you are going through also, there's no way around it, it sucks period! Being ignored doesn't feel good no matter who's doing it. Hang in there, I hope things get better for you and know myself or other supporters are here if needed {{{BIG HUGS}}}
Sure, why not... :) ask him about his cold, if his brother enjoyed his birthday, the weather, tell him a joke...break the ice. Maybe he doesn't quite know how to go about it, maybe he'll be grateful.
To be honest I'm terrified! I'm terrified that he'll continue to ignore me which will perpetuate my anxiety levels and possibly push him further away hearing from me or he'll respond negatively and break things off. I know some of this may be my own anxiety and irrational thinking but it is what it is. Every day that passed I try to talk myself out of reaching out telling myself ok maybe this is the day you'll hear from him. I've seen other posts where there's been no contact for weeks or months, but this is the longest we've been without any contact and although I understand this could be typical of being symptomatic it doesn't make it any easier for me to wrap my mind around.
A lot of my therapy is about how to get down the facade I so carefully placed over years and years. I can't even imagine a life without it - because it what keeps me able to interact with others. The problem is getting it down when I'm with people I want to be "real" with
You are so brave having worked so hard for years and being able to share your struggles here! Unfortunately my boyfriend has never seeked any therapy so I fear and know that should it come to that he will have many years ahead navigating how to cope with his symptoms. As much pain as I am in it is equally painful to know what he is going through. I'm frustrated, I'm hurt and I'm torn because knowing he's ill, I want to have the strength to hold on and be able to support him and then then I'm angry because he won't let me in and my head screams F you and I want to walk away. It's a different kind of struggle ?
So much of this. I think a big part of my friends issue is that I often don't let them know when I'm struggling, and then the cognitive distortions set in and suddenly I'm in this narrative where if they're not mind readers who magically know all the right things to do it say to make me (me, me, me, me, me) feel better then just must not care about me at all.
I actually do get this! In early episodes before I made the ptsd connection after a few days of no contact thinking I was just allowing him to have space if sick, stressed or whatever, I would often get a message like, "Don't you care if we ever talk again?" "Aren't you worried about me?" That's why this time with him telling me he was going through a depression I made sure to let him know I was there for him, that I care for him and love him no matter what. It feels like we're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't and at the mercy of whatever the mind is telling you.
