Christmas

[frogthroat]

Christmas hurts. I made it through Thanksgiving but by the time Christmas gets here I'm spent. Usually I drink through the holidays but not this year so I guess I'm just going to be a robot until it's over. My dad doesn't have much to do with me and my mom is having Christmas some extended family is coming and it's uncomfortable and forced. I would rather sleep through it like the miserable twat that I currently am. I'm glad I don't have kids.

 

[blackemerald1]

my mom is having Christmas some extended family is coming and it's uncomfortable and forced.

Maybe you could offer to help with the food shopping and preparation with your mother? Contribute and take some of the stress off her so she can relax a little sooner..?

 

[Mach123]

I love being with my kid but other than that it represents chaos. Growing up it was always crazy and although there was a lot of love there was usually A LOT of chaos and bad stuff that happened too. As I have gotten older the only redeeming part is that my kid is out of school and I get to hang with him.

Yes, I hung out with my kids and it was a blast. I had my childhood with them when they were young because I didn't have one. Those were the best years of my life. Then they got a little older and became "people." These years are pretty good too. : ) There were a whole bunch of them and all young, we had five kids in eight years. It was chaos but in the best ways. I think it was because with my children it was the only time I ever felt love or affection for anyone unconditionally. Like you said lots of not so great stuff happened but, they just loved you so much and they'd see me and yell "Dad!" and run up and throw themselves on me. lol.

 

[Mach123]

Christmas hurts. I made it through Thanksgiving but by the time Christmas gets here I'm spent. Usually I drink through the holidays but not this year so I guess I'm just going to be a robot until it's over. My dad doesn't have much to do with me and my mom is having Christmas some extended family is coming and it's uncomfortable and forced. I would rather sleep through it like the miserable twat that I currently am. I'm glad I don't have kids.

I used to go to the 24 hour AA meetings they had around here over the holidays. My wife was always trying to make me go to some soup kitchen or church thing and volunteer but, I never liked that. I used to feel like you before I did things always but sometimes I enjoyed myself anyway. I know it's hard. I used to hate Christmas. I always had to force myself to try and act normal and I don't think I was able to pull it off.

 

[frogthroat]

Maybe you could offer to help with the food shopping and preparation with your mother? Contribute and take some of the stress off her so she can relax a little sooner..?

I'm already helping prepare all the food. Nobody buys gifts or anything. It's pretty simple.

. I always had to force myself to try and act normal and I don't think I was able to pull it off.

I just shut off and that irritates everyone because I don't want to talk or be around anyone but it is what it is.

 

[Mach123]

My wife was on the way home from church with one of our girls to pick me and my other daughter up and go out to lunch and some shopping. I was trying to get ready and my wife called me a couple times and my friend (oldest and best) from S.C. called me and asked me for my address. I asked him why and he said Christmas card and I said I got the card already and he said "just tell me your address" so I did and I thought he was sending me something or whatever. I went back to getting ready and I ran outside to get something a few minutes later and there he was on the porch with his youngest son. His wife was pulling into my driveway.

Took me most of the day to recover from the shock.

 

[Mach123]

That kind of shock of course or anything like switching gears at the last moment or whatever unexpected event is usually a trigger for me and it was. I had to make it work though and it did take me most of the day to get back to something like normal whatever that is. He's like a brother from another mother but it was three people unannounced and I'm afraid I was stunned and poorly at least some of the time. (Like a duck that's been hit on the head) When my wife walked in ten minutes later (seemed like an eternity) I was better. I was always like that. PTSD brain right into opossum mode. They asked me a few simple questions and I felt like I was being cross examined. Stuttering and stammering. Small talk in extremis. I did my best. I know it was ok. They know all about us and no explanations are necessary and besides, he enjoys that kind of prank. We went out afterwards and did our thing. I was a little spaced out all day. : )

 

[whiteraven]

I am conflicted about the holiday. This year I feel nothing. Depression, I guess. In previous years, I have been angry about the notion that we are inundated with merchandise and music and decorations that celebrate a religious holiday when others are forgotten. Even before that, I sang in 3 choirs at the church and in the midnight service. I am no longer religious so still hate that portion of that, but Christmas was the only day of the year when everyone in my family got along. It was forced and sometimes demanded, but I'd take that over what we had to deal with the rest of the year.

These days (at least those that are infused with lack of hope and depression), I enjoy the secular celebration of the holiday. I am saddened, though, when I see families be together and close and happy.

I get together with my family in the evening on Christmas. I've also started my own little tradition of attending a movie earlier in the day. I really enjoy that.

 

[Mach123]

I'm in a miserable mood and I want to pick a fight with hunnie but I let her sleep in instead and got daughter number one off to her program. We have this one old friend, a trauma friend because that's what they all are, I have to put up with every holiday. I'm really done with the whole thing? I don't want to talk a bunch of trash about her but she's not in recovery. She knows about recovery but like so many poor sufferers she's just given up. I get it believe me. That doesn't make it any easier. I feel like all I can say to her now is "will you shut up and get yourself back in front of a trauma therapist?" It's not going to happen though. I can bitch about it and my wife will just tell me to knock it off. Don't spoil the holiday for the rest of us and yada yada. I suppose I have to buy a few gifts this week somehow, I hope Amazon can keep up the 2nd day air delivery because I don't feel like going into any stores till after New Year. So crowded!

 

[Neverthesame]

@Mach123 I'm the same way about unexpected guests. That would have thrown me for a loop too.

And yeah, shopping.... I'm going to have to get that done soon. I hate waiting to the last minute, yet do it anyway. Last year I actually did my shopping on x-mas eve. God what a nightmare that was. Totally my own fault too, it's not like didn't have time earlier. Gah.

 

[Mach123]

I am going to give the therapist a gift and the way I got around it is my wife's going to give her a gift. I spoke with her about it last week. She was like no, not really, forget it, but she wasn't all that down on it meaning, I know her and I can read her and it's fine. Do you give your therapist gift? There was a thread on that awhile ago. I mean, I give the rubbish guy a gift? I can't give her one with all she's done? It's a different relationship I get it but not really we are long past feeling uncomfortable at least I hope so. My wife just ran up to the stores to pick up a few things her gift, a very small thing, amongst them.

 

[Mach123]

I am not finished with Christmas but IDK what I'm doing. I just know I have to do some more.