I’m only worth sex

[EveHarrington]

I see that's true in a big picture way, but is it true moment to moment? For what part of the day do you allow yourself to be nonsexual?

I know you’re right. It’s not like I’m jumping him the entire time we’re together, lol.

It doesn’t help that I’m on Wellbutrin and am fortunate enough to have the increased libido side effect!

 

[Wendell_R]

fortunate enough to have the increased libido side effect

High libido and wanting to have sex are fine! As long as you strive to allow yourself the thought that you can be loved when you are non-sexual. I know I'm probably saying the same thing over and over, but I figure that fits in the "Core Beliefs/Cognitive Distortions" section!

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think this view is ever going to change. Being molested may very well be my first memory. The bottom line is that if I don’t have sex with someone, they don’t like me.

 

[Emotional girl]

@EveHarrington I read a lot of your posts on here and I just wanted to say how much I admire you as a person.Yes you can be very straight forward and direct but that is what I like about you and part of me wishes I could be more like you.There is a lot more about you than just sex and if you gave yourself a chance you would see that.

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington I read a lot of your posts on here and I just wanted to say how much I admire you as a person.Yes you can be very straight forward and direct but that is what I like about you and part of me wishes I could be more like you.There is a lot more about you than just sex and if you gave yourself a chance you would see that.

I’m not even sure how I’d give myself a chance? Sex seems like a guaranteed way......maybe people don’t like me, they like the sex, but it’s better than nothing, it seems. It’s scary to think people could like me for other reasons. What other reasons? It seems like a way to set myself up for more rejection. :-/

 

[Wendell_R]

We could expand on the reasons @Emotional girl and I like you, but maybe the most important question is, Who do You want to be as a person? You're free to define yourself as a purely sexual being. But if you want a broader sense of self, I'm happy to argue with your core beliefs on behalf of that broader self.

Maybe you're setting yourself up for rejection. But aren't you already rejecting that part of you all the time? Maybe expanding your sense of self means setting yourself up for acceptance.

 

[Emotional girl]

We may not know you in real life but we like you as person on here and that has absolutely nothing to do with sex.
You are such a bright,intelligent and articulate person but you have also been hurt and that can distort how you see yourself.
I have core beliefs which are different to yours but they are there because I went through abuse when I was younger and I know how difficult they are to change and I know it is a struggle every single day.

 

[EveHarrington]

Who do You want to be as a person?

I have no idea who I want to be.

I have a huge fear of being selfish and narcissistic so it’s hard to acknowledge any good qualities I have, or any good things I want to be.

But aren't you already rejecting that part of you all the time?

I guess I am, but it’s like beating everyone to the punch so their rejection doesn’t hurt so bad.

 

[Wendell_R]

Well, one thing we like about you is how honest you are!

I have a huge fear of being selfish and narcissistic

This is a big one for me. I actually have sexual fantasies of being a woman, so I can please my male partner, and not be selfish about what I want. (That sounds familiar.)

I hear, "I would like to be more accepting of myself," as the big message.

 

[ILoveLife]

What do you do for self-care, Eve? Taking care of ourselves helps with self-appreciation and having epiphanies over what we think of ourselves and who we are.

This is about how you perceive yourself, and if you see your only worth is sexual is because somehow deep down you don't really appreciate your qualities - and you do have qualities. I know it doesn't really matter if we told you about your qualities, but it may help you to try and list them yourself, maybe?

 

[EveHarrington]

Well, one thing we like about you is how honest you are!

Well, it turns out IRL I’m not so honest because I tell people what they want to hear because I feel like I have to give people what they want so that they like me. My ex told me he doesn’t trust me anymore and that’s the big reason we aren’t together anymore.

What do you do for self-care, Eve?

The normal stuff, I guess?

if we told you about your qualities, but it may help you to try and list them yourself, maybe?

I don’t believe I have any positive qualities. My ex tried to tell me positive things about myself but they never sank in.

 

[Wendell_R]

Well, it turns out IRL I’m not so honest because I tell people what they want to hear

Just pointing out that on this forum, a number of us like you, even though we have no sexual interaction with you and never will. And you're honest and brave on this forum, and we admire that. And you are often willing to state opinions that differ from others. So it's not that you don't have these qualities; maybe it's just that you don't trust yourself with these qualities IRL.

My ex tried to tell me positive things about myself but they never sank in.

Maybe the first step isn't accepting others beliefs as true for you, but learning to accept their beliefs as true for them. "My boyfriend finds XX to be a positive thing about me."