How do I get myself back under control?

[Ronin]

And per that original Q, how do I get back into control?

By dialing down my own issues and recognizing what is whose.

As in, anger for not doing anything wrong (such as moving offices, in the way it is convenient for that therapist and their moving company)? That is very much my lair. That therapist is not doing anything wrong at all.
You know, where I am? Moving could well take a week. Or longer.
Other places of the world? Yet longer. We be moving houses when everyone of the hauling crew can come, and get enough payment, and get bakshish, and get gas money, and get a guarantee of a safe transport, what the hell, your donkey and horse simultaneously died? Sorry guys... moving postponed, or get me new animals.

And people do not make a big deal out of it, because it is just life. A courtesy to be done in a short time. Days? pft. That is nothing.

 

[Skywatcher]

Sometimes when I am angry, my T reminds me to show compassion to those feelings. Another thing I try, is to remember that I am inside me and the world and things and people will pass by, but nothing stays in one spot or stays the same forever around me, so you will see your T again.

Also consider showing compassion to your anger and jealousy feelings of C. It will all get worked out. You will be okay.

 

[susannahsays]

@Ronin How is it unfair to say she hasn't yet taken a sick day? She has had colds, but she hasn't taken off. I doubt I would be angry if she did, but I can't really say how I'd feel since it hasn't happened. But thanks for judging me for stating a fact.

@Ronin Also, if you had actually read my OP, you would know that I f*cking recognize that my attitude about her taking days off to move is entitled. But again, thanks for piling on the judgement while adding absolutely no additional insight.

 

[Ronin]

while adding absolutely no additional insight.

I gave you that (recognize what is your deal, and what is just being angry with her for the anger sake, while what she is doing is just normal human behavior, or even working to meet her client base needs in as timely manner as possible).

But sure you can keep swearing at people and jumping to defensive while they offer insight?
(You still have not clarified what the issue with C and timing is.)

 

[susannahsays]

@Ronin I feel like you're being purposely obtuse. I am perfectly aware that I am being irrational, and as I stated in my OP, that awareness is just feeding my anger. Responding with your perspective that I am being unreasonable isn't necessary because I already know and have stated as much. It just fans the flames of my anger towards myself for giving a damn what the therapist does. And yeah, I'm going to defend myself when you jump to bizarre conclusions based of off benign statements I made. That tells me you're somehow triggered by my post and aren't being very rational yourself in the way you're responding to me.

C and I take turns. She gets the first session of the week and I get the second. And the therapist has been involved in managing the division of sessions. However, when it comes down to it, she has always sided with C. Saying I have the responsibility to manage the division assumes I have power where I don't.

 

[Ronin]

I am perfectly aware that I am being irrational

That is your claim, not mine.
What I stated was only there are boundaries issues and responsibilities ones, as well as reacting strongly to a situation that does not, on itself, require that response, for there are different ways of reading it or different possibilities for why things are that have nothing to do with you.

Not a word of irrationality.

It just fans the flames

Blameshifting (blaming others for your reactions) and anger for (... what, exactly? A slight disagreement?) is however, very much not my issue.

to bizarre conclusions

I misread the vacation line, however, point stands.

The entitlement you have about the time of your therapist and availability to you, specifically, is quite curious. (And I am not sure anyone but you can work on that, as that is mindset and how you seem to think of other people. Not even what they are doing, or not doing.

you're somehow triggered

Nope, not even remotely. :)
Today I been triggered by: Taquitos, the way sun shone, the cold, a specific tattoo, a friend mentioning someone deceased in the community and not even getting honor that would be due them.... But nowhere near by your post. :)

and aren't being very rational yourself

You engage in tooo much mind reading.

However, when it comes down to it, she has always sided with C.

Thank you for clarifying that point, at last.
Well, having executive power or not though, that still makes it your responsibility, not your therapist.
Your not as a you individual yours, you as a team within one body, yours.
That therapist cannot interfere within your head.

She can address behaviors. She can address thoughts shared with her, in a way she understands. She can address impressions. In no way can she correct those for you.

So bring that division up with her, both of you, work on scheduling in a way that does not produce this much strife and on how to communicate (inside yourself) better or be more conscious.

 

[susannahsays]

@Ronin The bizarre conclusion I was referring to was saying I was being unfair for stating she hasn't been sick enough to take any sick days. It was weird for you to jump on that. She has obviously not been sick enough to take sick days because she hasn't taken any. But according to you, I am being unfair by saying so.

I am not misreading. You went on a whole spiel about how the therapist isn't doing anything wrong, saying moving could take a week or longer, etc. If your point was not that I am being irrational, I am unclear what your purpose was. Regardless, I know that she's not doing anything wrong, hence identifying my anger as entitlement.

As for the whole thing about the therapist managing sessions, I never said it was her responsibility. What I did say was that she is involved in the process. I also said I was angry because I feel forgotten. I don't think this is completely unreasonable given that I am the one who won't have an appointment, yet she didn't talk to me about it, she just made the one appointment with C.

I hardly think it's blameshifting to point out that repeating arguments for why I shouldn't be angry when I have said part of why I am angry is that I am angry at all is not helpful. My OP asked for ways to manage my anger without resorting to negative behavior. Some people have offered some good tips, which I appreciate. For some reason, you jumped right in with commentary that essentially said I shouldn't feel how I feel. I understand this impulse. When I read posts in another forum that I am very active in, it is often difficult for me to not just bluntly tell someone they are being ridiculous and to stop being silly. To just do better. However, I realize that this only shames people. It does not help them in any way. I wonder if you even thought about what would be most helpful to me before you responded. Somehow, I doubt it. If you did and thought you were being helpful, I guess this is just an instance of seriously misreading the situation. Of course, you could have just gone with providing coping strategies rather than a commentary on the situation itself. That is what I asked for, after all.

I do think you were triggered, probably by my self-righteous sense of entitlement. If I were reading my post as someone else, I'd roll my eyes a bit. The evidence that suggests you were triggered is A) You have responded several times without taking the time to read my posts through. This suggests you are so eager to react that you're jumping the gun and rushing to judgement. B) In all your commentary, you have yet to respond to the question that was actually posed in my OP. You seem to have forgotten or disregarded the purpose of my post in favor of making other comments. Since there is no way this behavior and your attitude toward me could be described as helpful, it seems likely that your responses have nothing to do with trying to be of assistance to me but instead are driven by something else. C) Interpreting benign statements to mean that I hold unfair views. You formed a conclusion about the kind of person I am and what makes me angry without asking for more information or trying to understand.
Basically, your responses have been very reactive even though I and my issue have no bearing on your life whatsoever. If that's not evidence of being triggered, I don't know what is.

 

[Ronin]

I think you would better slow down, before going on angry rants about what people mean by their posts (when being calmly told that is not the case even remotely.), or dictating people in which way to respond. Take what is useful, leave what is not, spirit of the forum.

It is absolutely not my job to write advice that is perfectly suitable to your situation and coping strategies.

You are reading way too much way personal meaning that isn't even having to do with a single thing I wrote.

Anger can be dealt with by reframing.
Understanding what of reactions is justified and in what proportion to the situation is useful.
How can one do that? Taking every bit they are mad about, and looking at it closely.
Identify cause and effect and middle pieces of that chain reaction, and do not fuel into it. Stop yourself mid track. But identify it first.

It is nowhere near emotional policing to suggest to reexamine how you view something, and the intensity of emotions it drags up. Nor do I have any sort of power to be any sort of emotional police, I am not in your head and life.

 

[susannahsays]

@Ronin No, I'm actually not angry right now. I'm baffled by your seeming lack of self awareness and responding to the illogical, incorrect, and irrelevant statements you have made. Breaking things down and pointing out exactly what you said and how it's in error is not a rant - and definitely not when you've repeatedly misread things I've said, written whole posts responding to these imaginary things, and have refuted reason based arguments about you being triggered by saying I'm mindreading.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is probably a duck.

So no, I'm not angry at you or ranting. I am confused by why you are investing time in arguing with me, why you continue to either misread or intentionally misrepresent what I say, yet claim you aren't triggered. That doesn't really make sense, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

 

[joeylittle]

@susannahsays -

Responding with your perspective that I am being unreasonable isn't necessary because I already know and have stated as much. It just fans the flames of my anger towards myself

You are the one fanning the flames of anger towards yourself. No-one else. No-one here can be expected to read your mind or anticipate your reaction.

When you don’t like what someone has to say, you’ve got options as to how you react. Use the ignore function, for example.

And, you’re showing a lot of distorted thinking when it comes to your therapist’s actions. It’s understandable, to be upset. But leaping from there to deducing that this means she doesn’t care at all about you, and always puts C first...that’s a leap.

 

[Sideways]

At this point, seriously investing in physical distractions might help. Exercise till you’re exhausted, spend some time cleaning the house, then do some more exercise. Keep yourself as physically distracted as you can.

Your T is moving offices. Moving a commercial IT system from point A to point B in only 2 days is not a bad effort. Your T has done nothing wrong. Her moving offices and needing 2 days to do that says absolutely nothing about how invested she is in your recovery

You’re angry, it’s unreasonable, you recognise all that. Great. So take charge of working through it. Physical distractions, and getting yourself exhausted by the end of each day, is a great way to move past anger.

 

[susannahsays]

@susannahsays -


You are the one fanning the flames of anger towards yourself. No-one else. No-one here can be expected to read your mind or anticipate your reaction.

When you don’t like what someone has to say, you’ve got options as to how you react. Use the ignore function, for example.

And, you’re showing a lot of distorted thinking when it comes to your therapist’s actions. It’s understandable, to be upset. But leaping from there to deducing that this means she doesn’t care at all about you, and always puts C first...that’s a leap.

Well, you're probably right about deducing that she doesn't care about me at all is a leap. However, she considers C to be the "real" person and defers to her wishes. She has asked her on multiple occasions whether she (C) wants her (the therapist) to stop talking to me. So I don't really think it's much of a leap to say she puts C before me, and therefore, first.

As for fanning the flames, when I say that I am angry because I am angry at all, it logically follows that pointing out that I should not be angry because this is just life will reinforce that particular source of anger. Mindreading is not required to anticipate my reaction when I have literally stated I am angry over my anger. I don't understand how this is difficult to grasp, or why anyone would think that would be helpful to me. I am unfamiliar with the ignore function, but will look into it. I did feel I needed to respond to some things, however, as there were more than one complete mischaracterizations of what I had actually said - that apparently other people had believed, since they had "liked" them. I admit that really bothered me.