Medical Endoscopy, I am worried that in recovery I might trigger badly.

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have for some time a problem in my throat, and it worse after I eat, creates a lot of mucus I have to hack up for hours. I also have an ulcer and hiatal hernia. So finally they are going to do an endoscopy to deal with all these problems.

Already I have declined having a colonoscopy done, because even knowing something has been up there is going to enough to get me hospitalized again as even know thinking about it triggers memories of being raped many times. If I had any after feeling it would be even worse.

But the endoscopy is different except my abuse history includes an instance of being orally raped while being forcefully held, I worry it's possible any after feeling in recovery might trigger memories of which might put me in crisis.

I am wondering if any one else has had an endoscopy under similar circumstances where the process could be a huge trigger.

 

[Fadeaway]

They put me under for a colonoscopy because of the PTSD. Maybe they would be willing to put you under for the endoscopy?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

They put me under for a colonoscopy because of the PTSD. Maybe they would be willing to put you under for the endoscopy?

@Fadeaway I won't do it unless they do, what I am worried that in recovery any after feelings might be cause me to go into a crisis. They have to address 3 things, non-resolving ulcer, hiatal hernia, chronic throat problem., so I am prepared if they want to keep me overnight. It is going to be done at the hospital by the hospital.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can understand your concern. Most medical procedures are uncomfortable for everyone, but it’s a whole other level with PTSD. As an X-ray tech I have helped with many endoscopy procedures. The patient is under some degree of sedation and the throat is numbed to relax the gag reflex. That alone is a huge relief for people. Use of versed is helpful because patients almost always have no memory of having the endoscopy.
Your throat may be sore, but it is just as likely to have no residual physical side effects. I think that making a plan around this would be helpful for you. Make a list of your fears are and come up with some things you can do to manage your distress. The endo nurses are very helpful and I’m sure if you called the facility that’s doing it, a nurse would be able to help you with that list. Once you’ve taken the time to write a recovery plan, you will feel empowered. Feeling empowered is a great way to fend off reactions. One thing I would put on the list is “it’s done and I am awake. It is a relief to just have it over with” consider mindfulness excercises to help your brain relax on the days leading up to it. It’s like a proactive exercise to soothe your fear.
When the fear arises, consider how fortunate you are to be able to have your organs examined. One endoscopy eliminates other very difficult diagnostic studies. Since you know you have a hiatal hernia, it’s likely that they will dilate your esophagus and that will alleviate that hacking and pain.
Ask them if you can keep your clothes on waist down. That would help you feel less vulnerable. No one can predict if you will be triggered but making a plan to manage it is like the saying “knowledge is power” if they have you wear a hospital gown, ask if they can give you another one so you can put it backwards. Then you wouldn’t have your body showing. You could ask for a tranquilizer.
It’s 2019, you are a grown up. You’re getting modern medicine that can help you. I hope I’ve been able to give you some ideas. Good luck!

 

[Chris-duck]

Hey,

I had an endoscopy a few years ago and had similar worries, I live in the UK but I got a form through asking if I wanted throat numbing spray or IV sedation and I went for sedation. It went okay really, I remember it, but in a kinda zoned out drugged way. And as it was going on I wasn't massively triggered. It sucked, but it was okay.

So yeah, I say go for sedation and let them know how it might affect you. Speak to them beforehand and there's always a way to make things easier.

 

[Friday]

I was under full sedation, including anti anxiety meds & painkillers before and after.

I don’t do well under partial sedation, and versed doesn’t work on me. Either is a way to have a patient fully alert aware and talking at you (and remembering everything after, at best, at worst screaming and being extremely violent). So they just knock me out for most things. Saves on the surgeon’s therapy bills ;)

Bronchoscopy, endoscopy, pretty much everything involving a scope except for colposcopy it’s just a pinch in my neck, and I wake up in my room. With a scratchy throat like I have a cold, rather than a damaged throat like I’ve just been raped. Size of the tools matters, as does aim, and intent. Doctors are trying not to damage structures, and are very careful -and slow- in guiding things along. Rapists don’t care, and leave tons of ripped and bruised tissues. Even my emergency intubations -which are a LOT rougher than a scope- don’t leave me with a rapy feeling afterwards.

If you have a bad time with sore throat colds/ strep throat evoking rapy feelings? I’d ask for a short script of anxiety meds.

 

[sprout]

I had to have an endoscopy some time ago and it went surprisingly well. I have a hard time with having someone stand directly over me and with having something cover my mouth so I was less worried about the after effects and more worried about flashbacks and fighting them off during the actual procedure. But it was really easy for me! My doctor and the nurse were both very nice women which helped A LOT for me. I was also completely sedated so I was conscious for very very little of the procedure. I had never been put under so I was surprised at how fast the anesthesia worked! My wife was also there as soon as I woke up so that really helped me be calm. My throat didn’t hurt after either even though they told me it would. If anything it was like the lightest scratchiness even more bearable than a cold sore throat.
Hope this helps!

 

[Rumors]

I have had them both done several times. They usually use propofol to put you to sleep. If you don't have an issue waking up in the morning from a really good nights sleep, you should be fine. I don't think about the procedure descriptively other than to know that "they checked my stomach" and it seems to take away the anxiety. For me, I don't get caught up in the details of the procedure. And I realize thousands of people have the same procedure done daily. I also remember that I am in a safe and good place. I have a decent relationship with my gastro doc too so I trust him to always do the right thing. Change your mindset from what they are doing to you into a simpler, less invasive thought process. Good luck.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Fadeaway it won't happen unless they put me to sleep. And it may need to be done in the hospital (the endo is part of them my appt was scheduled in the hospital system. It's difficult for me because I have 6 intercourse type rapes among other trauma and one oral which I could remember fragments but my mind would not let remember until I found out more.

I don't now how I will react/behave afterwards as just thinking about the colonoscopy is triggering so with the endo I may trigger just knowing, as my associated trauma had to do with being help down for over 8 hours while a staff where I was at use his p.... (I have problems saying or writing these words as i triggers me) to shut up my screaming from being held down (known as the Browndale hold, banned in Virginia in 1981 as assault and abusive).

Just like with colonoscopy the problem is what I feel afterwards. I have to have this done no matter what, I have 3 problems they need to address, problem with my throat that is chronic and worsening, heital hernia, and a recurring ulcer that is not healing. So I have the same problem with endo and colonoscopy which is if I feel any after affects it may send me into a crisis. but the colonoscopy is preventative my endoscopy is diagnostic/curative. There is another test for the colon which I have done.

Another issue, I am on a ton of medications (20 pills a day), I may have to go off them for the procedure as many affect the CNS.
Is going to be complicated. Especially if the need an MRI. I have to be put to sleep for that too. I can't even tolerate the open MRI.

I have been trying not to thing about this much as when I do that it does not help it adds to my anxiety.

Thanks every one for the feedback it really helps, at least in what I might expect.

 

[Justmehere]

Does the GI doc know you have PTSD and you are concerned about being triggered?

They don't really do endoscopies without sedation very often, so it's very likely you will be sedated. My first GI doc was prepped to completely put me out for it the moment they knew I had PTSD. Hospitals and sedation are amoung my triggers though, so for me, having it with lighter sedation in an endoscopy center was better.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

He will. If not already. They have already been made aware I have to be put out or heavily sedated if they need an MRI.

 

[Cypress]

I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy today and was heavily sedated with propofol (given in the IV) and I didn't even tell them I had PTSD - it was just their normal procedure. I don't remember being in the recovery room and came home and took a nap afterwards. My throat is not sore and neither is my bum. I also have a hiatal hernia, gastric ulcer and colon polyps.

Like you, I have been sexually assaulted, forced to give oral sex multiple times, etc. and was really stressed out about the procedure in the days leading up to it. The night before it, I couldn't sleep - but then again the bowel prep was keeping me up too...

I wound up getting overwhelmed and dissociated when I went to the appointment. Some other part of me just got in the driver's seat and took over. Not sure which part it was but my husband just said I was very quiet. I would never recommend dissociation as a way to cope but it worked for me in this specific situation.

If I had known how uneventful the procedure would be, I would never have been so stressed in the days leading up to it and would not have felt the need to dissociate.

It sounds a little like you are catastrophizing, I do it too. Maybe breakdown the work-up into different appointments over a period of time. None of the medical problems you describe is super urgent, I'm sure the GI doc would be fine with a stepwise approach.