Relationship Isolation and my bf

[OrangeJulius]

Does anyone else feel their ptsd sufferer is trustworthy, you love them but they aren't totally reliable?

Yup. The reason we haven't had kids and may never have them.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Does anyone else feel their ptsd sufferer is trustworthy, you love them but they aren't totally reliable?

I have no problem trusting him on the big things, like loyalty, honesty, etc. But God love him... but I’ve learned to not get my heart set on certain things. I know the odds are 50/50 on a good day that he may cancel plans and not do things he said he would do.

I know it’s not malicious or on purpose... it is what it is though.

 

[Orchid1818]

I have no problem trusting him on the big things, like loyalty, honesty, etc. But God love him... but I’ve learned to not get my heart set on certain things. I know the odds are 50/50 on a good day that he may cancel plans and not do things he said he would do.

I know it’s not malicious or on purpose... it is what it is though.

@Sweetpea76 that is how I feel. I can trust him on loyalty and big things. Has your ever isolated before a vacation or bailed on a vacation?

 

[Friday]

i do trust him fidelity everything

Trust isn’t an on/off switch.

You clearly don’t trust him in regards to plans...

IME with anxiety that can go either way; you do trust them but are spinning out and vomiting anxiety all over whomever is in front of you without any regard to who they are, it’s a verbalized clusterf*ck on the closest target (in real life or “just” at them in your head, and it’s a coin flip as to which is worse, ya know?) -OR- you don’t trust them, individually, and your anxiety is latching onto that catastrophizing rather than seeking solutions. Either way (all about you, or spiraling them-you-them-you-them-you ) there’s a bit of a calm your tits factor involved. Or whatever version of Dooooown, girl! you like best ;) That take a deep breath, step back, reality check, break the cycle, and move in a different direction.

...so since you don’t trust him? You know it’s not all you.

Which means there are 2 strong possibilities.

1. He’ll be there.
2. He won’t.

The danger, in my experience, is getting looped into what if he won’t be there??? And getting STUCK in it. Rather than accepting that’s a real possibility, and planning accordingly. Breaking the cycle because both options are now okay. Not just by wanting them to be (more’s the pity!) but best way I know of is by making alternate plans that ideally I’m just as excited about. That way? If he’s there? Awesome! If not? Awesome!

(And then the anxiety can latch onto my not being there -getting sick, hit by a car, gravity storms- or how often the airline does maintenance on their fleet, etc. Hey. It’s anxiety. :wtf: When it’s running hot? It has to go somewhere until I get it locked down. I just prefer to direct it away from people I love. And when I remember, to clear my backblast, so even when it’s pointed away from them, they don’t burned by it )

 

[Orchid1818]

@Friday i do trust him, and you don't have to read this thread if it annoys you. I wanted to hear of other peoples experiences. I thought I could learn more hear but clearly i have to "calm my tits"?! Who are you to speak to me that way?!

Seriously it was a mistake to write hear. Never. AGAIN.

@Friday DO NOT EVER TELL ME HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE ONE I LOVE. I dont know you apple from adam.

 

[Kubash16]

Why in the hell are you getting pissed at Friday? You asked for advice, she gave it. It’s not her fault you didn’t hear what you wanted. And frankly (from an anxiety sufferer perspective) “calm your tits” is a solid smack in the head back to reality that we all need sometimes.

 

[Orchid1818]

Im out. Deleting the thread i dont need this.

 

[Kubash16]

No one did anything to you. . . Overreacting much?

 

[OrangeJulius]

That take a deep breath, step back, reality check, break the cycle, and move in a different direction.

but best way I know of is by making alternate plans that ideally I’m just as excited about. That way? If he’s there? Awesome! If not? Awesome!

Yes. All of this. Perfectly articulated @Friday

 

[Friday]

you don't have to read this thread if it annoys you. I wanted to hear of other peoples experiences. I thought I could learn more hear but clearly i have to "calm my tits"?! Who are you to speak to me that way?!

I wasn’t annoyed by this thread at all.

And I’m not certain how I could have been more clear I was sharing my own experiences, and the ways I deal.

In my experience (______) / The best way I know of is / that way it can latch onto my/ until I can get it locked down... I even went so far as to caveat “or whatever version (of a few different turns of phrase) you like best”, when for all I knew you might resonate with exactly the same wording I do. Shrug.

Who am I? Amongst other things, someone who has dealt with & deals with sky high anxiety, trust issues, dating vets as a species (which is just natural since I am one, specifically a USMC combat vet); & hoping my own experiences might be useful to someone else with anxiety dating a brother of mine. So my intentions? Couldn’t have been more different than what you seem to have imagined them to be... and run with.

It’s no skin off my nose if my life, experiences, & observations ain’t useful to you. I offered it in response to your asking, but it’s on you to take what you like & leave the rest.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Orchid1818 step back and calm down. This is an open forum on the internet, and when you post here you’ll get a variety of responses. It seems like you took some phrases out of context and didn’t look at the actual content of the post.

Sometimes the responses are not necessarily what we want to hear, but that doesn’t mean they’re not good advice.

Your anxiety is going to fuel his PTSD. Every time. If you want the relationship to be healthy you’re going to have to take accountability for your GAD reactions just like he needs to take accountability for his PTSD reactions.

I have GAD and am dating a combat vet as well. I cannot melt down around him at all. It snowballs. I had to take control of myself so I could be a good partner. He is working on doing the same.

 

[Nolilya]

So as stated in a prior post, I'm with a combat marine vet. He is really wonderful, great guy. He tends to go into isolation, which I am getting better at dealing with. However we recently had a argument, I have generalized anxiety disorder and that day my anxiety was particularly bad. Well something miniscule happened that led to me getting upset and him needing to leave the house. I feel things were blown way out of proportion on his end. In the end I think my anxiety set off his anxiety. Here's the thing now he is in isolation but we are suppose to go on our first vacation together in 2 weeks. I'm just stressed that he isn't talking and we are suppose to go on our trip.....just need some support at the moment.

I hope that the situation has gotten a little better for you both, but if not, please keep your head up, hopefully it will ease up soon and you can enjoy your vacation together!