It's like unknotting a big ball of tangled thread.
I wonder if you are becoming overwhelmed with the enormity of what you are considering doing? And that's cutting off your belief's, hope and confidence that you can emerge from this intact and with a future?
You have to remember who the real Fadeaway is. She's resilient, capable, intelligent and completely able to live independently of another person - regardless of who that person is. That's you! :hug:
You are tangling up your emotions about what and how you husband will cope and respond with what and how you will exit.
Except to avoid any physical danger I don't think they belong together.
I understand your husband might not take you leaving the marriage too well or even very badly. But remember he's now in a place where he can get support, has friends and acquaintances and family? It's a place he feels comfortable at least. And he's not your responsibility to keep happy etc., etc., Especially now that you recognise the relationship is well and truly over.
At some stage you must consider yourself separate from your husband and not try to manage his emotions as well as your own because you cannot do that. Nobody can. He needs to deal with himself. Even in great marriages both parties view themselves and value each other as separate even when very close, happy and in love.
If you have decided you have to leave the marriage (for any reason) then that is sufficient for you to leave. You don't have to give us all of your reasoning's on why you want or need to leave.
I think if I was you I would start off with one single thing and that might be as simple as making a list of what you need to do to make an exit.
In a safe place, that he won't find, record all of the steps necessary for you to leave. Write them down, move them about till you get them in the right order of priority and then sleep on it. This may take you days to complete and if you are safe then that's ok. It's simply a list that you can change as you proceed or circumstances allow.
Some women must just run out of the door with nothing but the clothes on their back and work from there. They make a list of things to get done after getting away from the danger. That's really exiting with no safety net.
Other's can work quietly in the background preparing for their exit - up to a point and then make the next step. They build the best safety net they can and hope to land on their feet.
And still others can stay in the home until all legalities are finalised because they are not in any danger. They create a rock solid place to land. But even then things go wrong but make provision for that too.
Or it's a variation of any of those. But eventually they all walk out of the relationship deliberately.
I know you are crying out for help irl and nobody is running towards you to pull you out.
When I think of DV I often wonder what makes women stay or even return to violent marriages. I think one aspect is because of the familiarity with the partner. The cycle, even of violence is predictable, whereas facing up to every day where things are really extremely random is unnerving and destabilising.
But the longer a woman can get out and stay out the less random and destabilising life becomes. It's probably akin to breaking a really bad habit.
So, back to the list.... What do you think are the first steps to making it out unscathed physically?
