How do you maintain momentum?

[barefoot]

This came up in another of my threads and I thought I’d post about it separately to see what ideas anyone might be able to share.

I tend not to process very much in sessions. It all happens afterwards. Then, I can feel quite motivated to dive in more. And I can also feel a little more emotionally aware/engaged then too. But, of course, by that point I then have a week or two to wait til my next session to go back in and pick things up.

By then, emotions have settled and I’ve moved on a bit and it all just doesn’t seem as urgent anymore.

I then find it very difficult to pick up where we left off. I think because it has sort of ‘gone cold’. Even though the thing we were touching into is relevant and feels important and worthy of more attention/exploration. The momentum just sort of stalls.

I think this is also compounded by my tendency to suppress emotions - not necessarily consciously - in sessions. So, I generally present as pretty together and composed in sessions. Though I don’t always feel that way in between sessions.

Does anyone have any ideas about how to keep momentum going/do more effective processing in between sessions and how to keep important topics on the table so I can more easily pick up topics where I left off in sessions rather than have them sort of peter out?

I used to journal and liked it/found it useful. And sometimes used that as an in for sessions. So, I am considering returning to that. The challenge I have around that is that I find it difficult to contain it - I get so engrossed and dice in deeply, so I tend to write pages and pages, which becomes very time-consuming! Also, I get into a different kind of zone when I’m journaling. I can quickly go to quite dark places and I want to be sure that I can manage that, regulate myself and stay present.

My T does allow emails between sessions. She doesn’t generally reply to them except to maybe acknowledge receipt, which is ok - it is sometimes just helpful to send her some thoughts to ‘put them somewhere’ between sessions. I don’t do this very often these days. It could be useful. But I also worry that I’d overstep somehow and she would think it was too much.

So, any ideas welcome...how do you keep momentum going from session to session?

 

[Nessa7]

Journalling is how I do it. One thing that I do is that I occasionally have a page or two designated for little notes about what I want to talk about with my therapist and other members of my care team. It keeps me from having to dig through it all to find things, espescially because I don't particularly like to reread old journal entries because I ramble.

 

[ladee]

I would journal also. I haven't been to therapy for years, so I do understand when you finally get back to see your T, things have calmed down and don't seem important.

And when I did get going and wrote pages and pages, it was what I needed at the time. And sometimes it was when I went back much later and re-read things, did I then understand. It was just a great outlet for me.

 

[Friday]

Does anyone have any ideas about how to keep momentum going/do more effective processing in between sessions and how to keep important topics on the table so I can more easily pick up topics where I left off in sessions rather than have them sort of peter out?

When I’m paying for sessions

- I book a double sessions... & use the 10 minute intermission to go make my brain work & come back. Snort. That sounds as if I actually do something purposeful. I don’t. It’s just the 10 minute break allows the tumblers in my mind to click into place.

- I book 2x per week appointments. M/W or Tue/Thurs whatever. Day in between to let things settle or rise and sort shit the next day.

^^^
It’s a pattern that works well for me. Even if it’s only “once” a month? Double-DayOff-Double once a month just works infinitely better for me than hourly sessions weekly or even a single double session biweekly (although that’s better than weekly/hourly). Even with the same number of hours, it’s how they’re allocated -and the way my mind works- that really matters.

 

[Kubash16]

My T does a couple things that help with this.

1. Originally she didn’t really want emails in between sessions because she wants to see how I act and such when talking about things. But then she’s figured out that it helps me a lot so she allows it now. When I have something happening I go ahead and email her with the expectation that she’s not going to provide therapy by email, just gives her an idea on how to guide me come session time.

2. She uses two sets of notes during sessions. On one side of a paper is her standard clinical notes, what my affect is, main topics for the notes they have to do, names and dates for her to remember, etc. On the back of that she writes down things we’ve talked about or want to address later if we are out of time and then at the end of the session she copies that side of her paper for me to take home. This is also usually filled with “tasks” for me to work on.

 

[Mach123]

It's a plateau. You feel yourself resisting. It comes from the sub conscious. You have to wait and be patient. It'll start rolling again on its own. You're not ready. When you are, things will start happening again. Just be available.

That's how it went with me and I don't worry about downtime now. It's because you need the rest. My in home crises intervention therapist used to say, "trust your process."

Just my humble opinion . : )

 

[grit]

Hi Barefoot,
I thought I wrote this...it is so much sounds like how I process or deal with therapy and my own progression both in session and outside of sessions. The only area that I have become conscious and decided to change is that area of being self-concious during therapy to appear as others should see me rather than how I am truly. You touched it here a bit:

in sessions. So, I generally present as pretty together and composed in sessions. Though I don’t always feel that way in between sessions.

for me it was I had eyes in the sky watching me that I must appear strong, together, healthy etc. I recently learned those eyes in the sky are my mother's looking down at me as a child to take care of her, regulate her, or act to make every thing easy so mommy does not go off at me or my siblings. It was how I internalised and learned I am not good as I am because I have to be as to make mommy's life easier or better. No child should ever have that responsibilities. That got into the my fibre of being - became a part of my character.

I think you are doing GREAT and honestly it shows the way you present yourself here, you are doing a lot of work outside of therapy and reaping the benefits. . Not just go day in and day out and be the same forever or completely give up all functions to the therapist and feel ungrounded when things go wrong. - that is my experience and how I document my progression. I learned in reading and also from my personal experience that I give certain functions to the therapist and as I grow and learn, I took back those functions. Can be coping mechanism, confidence, regulations, and some extremely subtle, I do not have the language. These are the things I should learn as a loved, secure and cared child but here I am learning consciously as an adult. I feel you are doing the same thing. You are learning and listening during the therapy but practising or digesting in your own life. If you are no longer bringing that thing to therapy, it means you have integrated into part of your self and no longer need the therapist for it. This is my understanding of how therapy works. You only need to bring what is in your body to deal with. So not being able to bring something is OK. If you really need it, it will show up.

I really feel you are doing the best that you can do for yourself. and I hope you feel that. I get so happy when I can sense other's accomplishment in this dreaded world. Good luck more!

 

[barefoot]

I occasionally have a page or two designated for little notes about what I want to talk about with my therapist

I book 2x per week appointments. M/W or Tue/Thurs whatever. Day in between to let things settle or rise and sort shit the next day.

Quite early on in my work with T while I was off work for a few months, I did this. We did a two hour session on Tuesday where we often got into quite deep and difficult stuff. Then we did one hour on Thursday, which was generally picking up threads from Tuesday and which often involved me bringing up things that had come up from my last session. It worked really well. Unfortunately, she has changed her days since then and now only works for two consecutive days, which wouldn’t be as effective, I don’t think. Plus, I couldn’t really afford to do that now (my work was paying for it before!) plus I don’t have enough time now to effectively take the best part of two days a week out for therapy.

We mostly do 90 min weekly sessions at the mo so your idea of putting a short break in the middle might work well. I can then check in on myself if there’s something I have wanted to say and haven’t and can then come up with how I can say it when I go back in the room. Thanks for the suggestion.

On the back of that she writes down things we’ve talked about or want to address later if we are out of time and then at the end of the session she copies that side of her paper for me to take home. This is also usually filled with “tasks” for me to work on.

Sounds like your T actively really helps you with this. Unfortunately, my T doesn’t make any notes at all in session and doesn’t have any with her. I don’t know that she makes any notes at all actually - she doesn’t make any straight after the session as she has another client right after me. So perhaps she makes a few at the end of the day. Or not at all!

@Mach123 - yes, you could be right and I may be trying to push out of impatience when the rest of me isn’t ready yet. My T is also a big fan of saying ‘trust the process’!

@grit - thanks for the encouragement! I think I am doing my best too (mostly!)
I’m not sure whether not bringing something up in T means that it’s integrated and therefore not something I need to bring. Because I think I am very defended in therapy with quite a bit of resistance (not really conscious resistance) and a strong tendency to avoidance. So, me not bringing up something I think is important is more likely to be due to resistance or avoidance st this point, I think. So, then it is a question of do I trust my process and give it some space and not try to force it because the resistance is there for a reason and I should be gentle with it? Or do I try to push through it and crack it open with a hammer?

 

[grit]

Remember you are coming to therapy and bringing something no matter what you think you may not be bringing. So whatever that you have not integrated will eventually show up. Worrying about it is another way that for sure it will show up. Keep pushing it through no hammer needed unless you want to and that too shall happen when you are ready.

 

[Harmonics]

So, any ideas welcome...how do you keep momentum going from session to session?

I have therapy sessions twice a week. That really helps me. I also find I need the three or four days in between to process the last session. I started out with sessions once a week, but once we got into the trauma, my therapist offered twice a week. It has been much better since then. We are never short of things to deal with. I know eventually I won't need this level anymore, but right now, it is getting me through. In the meantime, when there are weeks where I have only one session, I struggle much harder to deal with everything.

 

[Justmehere]

If you are not working on the heart of what you want to work on is sessions, maybe consider what is it that you are working on - and asking for help to not go there.

Sometimes it can be a matter of making the hard thing easier and the easy thing harder.

 

[Missycat]

I journal/ make notes in prep for session. If its been a really tough time and ive struggled to talk about something ( she can always tell when im itching to share but the words just wont come ) i will email my t and then she will reply and we will discuss in more detail ( usually promoted by her) at session. We agreed that she will ask questions and start the conversation ( following an email) . This keeps our sessions productive and makes it more comfortable for me. My t makes notes and will refer back to them often at start of session. I also have some double sessions that allow for the ‘warm up/ chat’ at the start before we get on to any processing / therapy work / emdr etc.
You mentioned that journaling helped - maybe speak to your t about some ideas ?