How to feel safe without a saftey net?

[TruthSeeker]

I will look at that book, always open to book recommends. I will say he is very different in regards to relationships. I don't see him finding someone new for a long time. Its the same reasons that used to make me feel safe. Same reaskns I don't expect to find someone new for years to come, and that's always Bern fine for me.

*been not burn proof my autocorrect can't predict a thing, I have never used that term.

@Fadeaway I went through 2 Xhusbands and then one day last year realized that 1) I spent my like taking care of others-giving and not receiving, being what others wanted-not being myself, 2) hadn’t learned independence and self reliance skills- never lived alone just with me, and 3) I was leaving relationship 2 with the thought- who will be there to take care of me ( needy)? Family gone- all at once. Almost 2 years after separation/divorce I realize I sought telationships what I lack in myself-stability, acceptance, contentment and security. Only you can guarantee those for yourself- don’t worry about -will someone else want you-or expect to be rescued from loneliness, or others to keep you safe. You have the strength within to do that. The real question is do you deserve to be safe, secure, independent, self reliant, and content? Yes! You are worth it!!!! Recently, I’m having more fun living by myself than ever- and today I realized I’m really free. It can be better. Take care, be safe.

 

[Fadeaway]

There is truly nothing more frightening than knowing that you you can't get any help. I had to take a break from here because I was hurting because I felt I was struggling just as hard here as I was in the real world to be heard and believed. This struggle makes me fell like I could never make it on my own.

I went to extreme measures to try and get help and repeatedly failed.

I thinking my breaking point in my helplessness and forced isolation was when another member here got a concussion. My heart went out to them truly, but I was shocked to learn that aside from the initial CT scan and diagnosis there was medical help to be had. It made me feel inferior. Why wouldn't any listen about my memory gaps or worsening difficulties communicating? I still don't have answers as to whether the seizures I experienced a couple of months later could have caused further damage.

I finally have a therapist thought. I cried so hard with relief. She doesn't want to address my past, but I don't f*cking care, I have only stmeen her once but having human contact with someone who isn't telling you how much they despise you can leave you feeling like you are walking on air for a few days after.
I kind of crashed from that elation tonight though after I tried really really hard to be nice to him. Most days I try to be as invisible as possible. He took my attempt to be pleasant and nice to remind me how much he suffers because I exist. Reality check. It is hard not to remember that he used to be the person I could talk too about anything. The perfect combination of random topics no one else would care about or know about.

He blames me because of a lack of communication with his kids. How? God only knows, he is the one who hasn't lifted a finger to make an effort. He will rage though at the slightest hint he isn't perfect.

Can age do this to someone?

 

[blackemerald1]

Can age do this to someone?

Sure age can cause lots of mental/cognitive dysfunction. But that requires a diagnosis by an expert.

Are you scrambling for other reasons he behaves the way he does, apart from being deliberately and purposely abusive?

Are you suggesting your husband has some sort of cognitive dysfunction and that is why he only seems to remember bad/negative aspects of your relationship? If you are, I don't believe it works quite like that.

 

[The Albatross]

One of my friends/mentors asked me... instead of focusing on what you don't have or being enmeshed with the toxic dance, what DO you have that you can improve your situation or make better assessments with? That old adage accentuate the positive... was an altogether different beast. Hard but assistive because there actually were some things I'd overlooked in my own distress about my current (then) situation.

Way out of left field, but it helped me to shift the "sense of safety without a safety net" thing.

 

[Fadeaway]

@blackemerald1 maybe. And trying to make peace with the fact there is no help, no way out right now. Missing who he used to be, and just trying to make sense of the nonsensical. He was always passive aggressive, but it turned into aggression..

@The Albatross I could really use brainstorming help for that I am out of ideas.

 

[blackemerald1]

fact there is no help, no way out right now. Missing who he used to be, and just trying to make sense of the nonsensical

Well he's not Robinson Crusoe with those ^ problems is he? I mean I'm struggling with those issue's too and to a certain point everyone (human beings) struggle with these concepts at some point. It's a terribly lonely place to be. I must say your compassion for this man is profound. You must really love him. Well that goes without saying bc a lot of ppl would have jumped ship long before this point.

But, sometimes even when we love so much, we still must persist with protecting and caring for ourselves. Are you doing this? Please don't forget that part of it all while you work on this relationship. :hug: