Talking about your trauma

[siniang]

But that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out and why I'm asking all these questions. What constitutes "normal". I realize that a forum of people suffering from this disorder might not be the right or best place for "normal", but it still gives information for comparison. I stumbled across this forum and stayed, but I sometimes get the feeling I'm not exactly welcomed. ??‍

I think it’s probably pretty normal to not particularly want to talk about a traumatic experience.

So, if it's so pretty normal, why is it a diagnostic criteria? And yes, I know it's one among many, still, it is one.

until enough time has passed for the memories to become chronologically and emotionally distant....

What is enough time? And isn't not becoming emotionally distant part of the whole PTSD thing? Genuinely asking - been told I don't understand PTSD, so willing to learn and correct my understanding if I got that wrong.

Generally, and that's becoming a little off-topic, I get the feeling that for some users you're not "worthy" of having a PTSD diagnosis if you're not a constantly flashbacking, whimpering, mess (and/or had a particularly bad trauma). Yes, I'm being hyperbolic and cynic, now, but after reading many many threads in this forum, this is the impression one can get.

I thought there was a reason that for most diagnostic criteria you need one or two our of multiple possibilities (you can have all, but you do not need to) and to differing severity. Again, not trying to fit myself in there, trying to have a genuine discussion.

 

[Chris-duck]

So, if it's so pretty normal, why is it a diagnostic criteria? And yes, I know it's one among many, still, it is one.

Yeah. I guess it comes down to stuff like duration and severity. Like a symptom of depression is "low mood", is a low mood normal to some extent in some situations? Yeah, but if that's severe or doesn't let up, that's a symptom. I guess it's the same idea.

Generally, and that's becoming a little off-topic, I get the feeling that for some users you're not "worthy" of having a PTSD diagnosis if you're not a constantly flashbacking, whimpering, mess (and/or had a particularly bad trauma).

Heh. I dunno. I haven't found that, and I definitely don't feel like that about other people. I haven't read through all your posts but are you able to see a professional to see if the diagnosis fits or if it's something else/not diagnosable or whatever.

And I agree with @joeylittle re the writing stuff thing, you don't even need to post it, or you could in a private diary or whatever. But sometimes writing stuff out gets things a bit more straight in our heads. I get it's hard though.

 

[Sideways]

But that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out and why I'm asking all these questions. What constitutes "normal".

This is where seeing a specialist comes in handy - people who have studied to nuances between normal and abnormal. Someone who is qualified to diagnose? Is someone who has had years of training to be able to differentiate those. Those years of training do count for something, you know?

You’ve mentioned being a biologist. If I decided I wanted to understand how plants grow, there’d be a pretty big difference in asking a whole heap of questions, and reading about it on the internet, and actually going and studying that stuff for a few years, right? Because, it can actually be pretty complicated. There’s a lot of different stuff to understand, even if I figure that I have the basics pretty much sussed from some internet searches.

I stumbled across this forum and stayed, but I sometimes get the feeling I'm not exactly welcomed

People have definitely been encouraging you to speak to a professional, so that you can figure this out in a meaningful way.

As far as people hanging around without any diagnosis in a peer support forum, perhaps you can empathise here.

For example, say I went to a peer support forum for people with breast cancer, because I was concerned about my health, and maybe I can feel a lump, and I kept on with the “Do you think this sounds like breast cancer? What about this? Or this? Or...”.

I think that might understandably rub folks up the wrong way. Because without a diagnosis, I’m not a peer. I may have something completely different. And my questions would potentially seem a bit...invalidating.

We get a lot of people come to the forum without a diagnosis, and they uniformly get the recommendation to get a qualified diagnosis, and in comparison I think you’re getting some really considered and empathetic advice. Because it may be that you have ptsd...but no amount of trying to figure it all out yourself is going to give you an answer.

I personally have no issue with people wanting to get better educated. But this is a peer space, for support for people who get what it’s like. We aren’t qualified specialists, we’re peers. Peers not just of the lived symptoms, but the fallout (like stigma) that goes with having been given a diagnosis, the impact of that diagnosis on our study, work, family, and on and on. People where someone qualified has decided, “what you’re experiencing is actually a serious mental illness”.

To me, wondering aloud about whether I might have breast cancer, in a dedicated space for people who have lived through the experience of being told “You have cancer”...I think maybe I could understand if people politely suggested I get diagnosed and come back for support once you’ve got the diagnosis, know what’s going on, and need support with that. You know?

I wouldn’t bother answering your questions if I didn’t find them interesting. But if you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder from some people in a space for peers, where you can’t actually identify as a peer? Perhaps that isn’t so surprising...

 

[siniang]

I actually REALLY didn't want to make this thread about me and whether or not I have PTSD. I really genuinely was interested in different experiences on how affected people can and cannot talk about their traumas. I did NOT start this thread wondering whether or not I have PTSD - though I've been told right away that I don't have it and that I clearly don't understand it.

I have started seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist as well as having my sleep study scheduled for next week, but - as someone had pointed out at another place, finding a diagnosis is a progress (a slow progress that is, and I'm not the most patient person and my mind just doesn't stop running, regardless of how much I try) - I wanted to wait posting about this until at least another session because in both sessions we only as much as started addressing my issues (remember, my bullet list of symptoms/things is 3 pages long and both sessions respectively were first-assement-getting-to-know-kinda sessions). I was gonna write more in my introduction thread after the next session (you know, the whole "get diagnosed and then come back for support" thing).... but FYI, both psychologist and psychiatrist independently mentioned PTSD and that we should look more into that. So, while I do not yet have an official diagnosis, it's definitely floating around. But some people here have already declared that I do not have PTSD and that I most definitely do not understand and there's that. I feel like crap and end up having my symptoms and feelingst marginalized. This is actually a major thing for me as, every time I finally did open up about something, which was really hard and took a lot for me, I've had doors shut in my face or my feelings and condition downplayed. Funny how you're (rightfully!) told not to self-diagnose, yet some people are very quick to do the opposite and "diagnose" that you just don't have something. People make the decision for me that I'm not a peer and that actually hurts. Because it discredits my feelings and that I DO identify as a peer; I wouldn't be writing here if I wasn't.

I've already been accused of bragging - yet, when I don't go around "gloating" about my therapy sessions and diagnoses, because to me it seemed the sensible thing to do to wait at least one more session, it rubs people the wrong way, too. You just can't win.

 

[Rumors]

I actually REALLY didn't want to make this thread about me and whether or not I have PTSD. I really genuinely was interested in different experiences on how affected people can and cannot talk about their traumas. I did NOT start this thread wondering whether or not I have PTSD - though I've been told right away that I don't have it and that I clearly don't understand it.

I have started seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist as well as having my sleep study scheduled for next week, but - as someone had pointed out at another place, finding a diagnosis is a progress (a slow progress that is, and I'm not the most patient person and my mind just doesn't stop running, regardless of how much I try) - I wanted to wait posting about this until at least another session because in both sessions we only as much as started addressing my issues (remember, my bullet list of symptoms/things is 3 pages long and both sessions respectively were first-assement-getting-to-know-kinda sessions). I was gonna write more in my introduction thread after the next session (you know, the whole "get diagnosed and then come back for support" thing).... but FYI, both psychologist and psychiatrist independently mentioned PTSD and that we should look more into that. So, while I do not yet have an official diagnosis, it's definitely floating around. But some people here have already declared that I do not have PTSD and that I most definitely do not understand and there's that. I feel like crap and end up having my symptoms and feelingst marginalized. This is actually a major thing for me as, every time I finally did open up about something, which was really hard and took a lot for me, I've had doors shut in my face or my feelings and condition downplayed. Funny how you're (rightfully!) told not to self-diagnose, yet some people are very quick to do the opposite and "diagnose" that you just don't have something. People make the decision for me that I'm not a peer and that actually hurts. Because it discredits my feelings and that I DO identify as a peer; I wouldn't be writing here if I wasn't.

I've already been accused of bragging - yet, when I don't go around "gloating" about my therapy sessions and diagnoses, because to me it seemed the sensible thing to do to wait at least one more session, it rubs people the wrong way, too. You just can't win.

Just remember that in black and white print, things can be read without tone and inflection which can take on different meanings than the poster intended. My take away of this thread isn't the same as yours. I don't see you bragging or anyone really accusing you of such, and I don't think you are here to "win" anything. I HOPE YOU DONT HAVE PTSD. It's not a prize...lol...
Listen, I get it. You don't know where you fit or belong and quite frankly posting your story feels too risky. I mean you have three pages of things that bother you to the point where your life is upside down right now. It sucks. I can only tell you to read and listen here and just take it in. If what someone says doesn't seem to fit you, let it wash over you and don't take it on.
I would also encourage you to start looking at what acknowledging your trauma looks like. You have dipped your toe in here and recoiled pretty quickly at the first sign of distress. Normal, totally normal, but at some point there will be a day of reckoning with it. It sucks. It will reach up and smack you between the eyes. That even happens to people without PTSD.
I hope you are able to garner enough answers to work this out. It does sound as if YOU are pretty convinced that the diagnosis fits and in your last post you indicated your therapists have brought it up. Probably should/could have indicated that position in the beginning to clarify to other posters that it was on the diagnostic table. This is a place where providing all essential information is important otherwise you may get called on the bullshit meter. Understand there are a lot of trollers that come on here so people are leary. Trust is a two way street. Hang in there!!!! Best wishes...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have never heard of a PTSD specific way to talk about trauma. Many can talk about their trauma, many can't. Many have a flat affect, many don't. Many may have emotions about their trauma where many don't. Many cry while talking about it, where many have never cried about their trauma, ever. Many have to only write about it, many can't even write about it.

I have just never heard of a PTSD specific way.

 

[Justmehere]

This is a diverse international mental health peer support forum. Not all feedback and posts are going to be of most use to the original poster. Something we say around here a lot: Take what is helpful and disregard the rest.

I do it almost analytically, a little bit like an outside observer.

I do this all the time. For me, it’s a mix of intellectualization and minimization. I can even crack jokes about the trauma in therapy. Then at home alone, break down in tears about it.

See, that's the thing. I don't talk about it robotically, just really really casually, like smalltalk about the weather. Almost trivializing. But I guess that's exactly the point? I'm trivializing for myself? To avoid feeling and potentially showing the attached emotions I usually try to avoid?

It’s called minimization in most CBT materials and people do that with traumatic and stressful subjects as a way to cope with the pain of it.

As you may have noticed, I have still not written about that trauma here on the forum. I don't really want to. For one thing, because it's extremely personal, or at least feels like that (though I usually find it very easy to talk about personal things under the anonymity of the internet). But mostly, I just don't want to think about it. Like I know and I can say that there was a trauma. But I do not want to write about the specifics because I don't want to think about them.

I have not written about 99% of the traumatic events I have been through. Sometimes folks will guess at my history, never quite correctly. I don’t write of most of it here for personal and privacy reasons. Those here that do post about remembering, are usually dealing with a problem with remembering. I remember the vast majority of the trauma. I don’t post about my quality of memories of it because there isn’t a problem there for me that I’m struggling to sort out. Posts here will reflect problems, not the percentage of people not having an issue with something, like memory of trauma.

What constitutes "normal".

Normal is difficult to define. I’d suggest focusing on what are your goals for your life and what is healthy for you.