Couldn’t get off the medication

[Strangelongtrip]

I’m on one last psych med, Geodon, which was originally prescribed for a mood disorder that I don’t have but has helped a lot with PTSD. I’m on 80 at night and 20 mg in the morning. I was doing really well PTSD wise. I was feeling like maybe it wasn’t helping all that much (eye roll) and I’ve gained a lot of weight on it and have found it impossible to get off on top of other health stuff I have going on. Medicinal cannabis was helping a whole bunch too. I talked to my psych and he said the medication wasn’t really for PTSD and it would be okay to go off of it. I went down 20 mg. I felt really sick and depressed but that passed after about a week. I didn’t change the dose again. Two or so weeks after I’ve started to have really terrifying panic attacks again, mostly in public. I have trouble leaving my house. I dissociate frequently and sometimes in dangerous situations. I constantly feel anxious. It’s causing physical pain so bad I feel like I have the flu, but this also could be because it’s an H2 antihistamine and antihistamines make my body pain go away. I don’t think I would be withdrawing if I felt fine a week ago, but I’m not sure. Can withdrawals kick in after the fact weeks after a change?

I’ve been on this medication for three years now. I talked to my psych today for a long time, I’m going back to my regular dose. He seemed disappointed, because he was so excited for me to be able to go off of it. So was my therapist and my family. I feel bad like I’m letting people down because I can’t get off of it. They just want me to be functioning but I still feel bad. I’m still struggling sometimes with PTSD but for a while I just didn’t want to talk about it, I just wanted to ignore it.

I made incredible progress in a year but I keep looking at what I have left and it seems so trivial and daunting at the same time. I’m making small changes that aren’t as dramatic as what I made from Nov 2017-2018. I had an entire diagnosis removed. The things that are left are about improving my quality of life rather than survival and that feels so meaningless to me. I felt like getting off this medication meant I was improving my life and going past survival mode but it’s stuck me back in survival mode.

 

[EveHarrington]

I talked to my psych and he said the medication wasn’t really for PTSD and it would be okay to go off of it.

No antipsychotic is specifically for PTSD but many of us rely on them to help keep us stable. I think there are only one or two drugs that are approved for ptsd, and they’re antidepressants.

I don’t think I would be withdrawing if I felt fine a week ago, but I’m not sure. Can withdrawals kick in after the fact weeks after a change?

Geodon has a short half life, plus it’s been a week....maybe it’s not typical to be experiencing withdrawals this far out, but everyone is different.

I feel bad like I’m letting people down because I can’t get off of it. They just want me to be functioning but I still feel bad.

You’re not letting anyone down. There is no shame in needing medication.

I felt like getting off this medication meant I was improving my life and going past survival mode but it’s stuck me back in survival mode.

It sounds like the medication really helped you, so what is the harm in staying on it?

I take Geodon and it’s been a Godsend. Of course I only take about 6mg once a day, so it’s a bit different for me. I’m very med sensitive and only need it to sleep.

 

[The Albatross]

Any disappointment you may feel is optional. You made the attempt and now you and your doc's have more info about your state for future treatment. Dramatic or not any improvements are improvements. This is a bit of a set back (back to survival mode) perhaps but I'd take another look at this: "The things that are left are about improving my quality of life rather than survival and that feels so meaningless to me. I felt like getting off this medication meant I was improving my life and going past survival mode".

I'd definitely be having a few sessions about that. Hope you continue your progress and can balance out again and kick yourself back out of survival mode.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you @EveHarrington , antidepressants have never helped for me, and some have aggravated other conditions. I could turn it around and just be lucky I found something that helps!

@The Albatross thank you! I’m thinking that they feel meaningless because I’m still struggling to care about myself as a person. Definitely something to bring up to my therapist!

 

[EveHarrington]

I could turn it around and just be lucky I found something that helps!

I think this is a great idea!

I’m quite med sensitive and have tried so many things that haven’t worked. I think i am fortunate to have found meds that work for me. One of them, im going on 16 months now of trying to get stable on it while keeping side effects away. It’s a great med for me (Trileptal), and I know I can get to the right place with it, I just need more time. (Most recently it reacted with another med I started and had to come off both of them.) When it’s working, it does wonders for me. It helps to regulate my sensitivities and mood swings....I figure if I have to be on it for life, then so be it. Being happy is better than being med free, as long as the side effects don’t have a great negative impact.

It’s also possible you may need a really slower taper? Maybe reduce by 20mg every other day for a few weeks. Then make the reduction every day and see if you can stabilize on that for a few months.

So it would be
Day 1 80
Day 2 60
Day 3 80
Day 4 60
Etc

Then a few weeks later
Day 1 60
Day 2 60
Day 3 60
Day 4 60
Etc

I say this as you mention gaining a lot of weight, so a dose reduction may help you in this area, while still giving you enough anxiety relief.

Sorry if this doesn’t help. I just know Geodon has been great for me, and you may be able to still benefit from a lower dose.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Being happy is better than being med free, as long as the side effects don’t have a great negative impact.

This resonates with me. There’s a stigma in my family (and the world lol) about medication, I’ve definitely internalized it.

The taper idea is really good!! To go down slower. I did end up going up a dose this morning to my normal dose and felt so much happier and I could feel the anxiety but I was still able to do things. It was the first time in a week I went out in public and didn’t have a full blown panic attack! I even walked around some shops after the gym (which I didn’t have a panic attack at like usual).

I’ve lost weight on it before, around 30lbs down, but now I’m also on a beta blocker so I don’t have near-syncope as much. I think this has made it way harder as well. I have about 30lbs again to go down to my most comfortable weight, I’ve lost about 8 lbs but it took me months and months. It’s not the end of the world if I can’t lose it. I think it’d help my wonky joints some but even when I was skinny I was in pain haha, so I’ll be okay!

Thank you for your help!