Once coworkers/employer think your dumb, there's no coming back.

[Muttly]

I had a nightmare last night... well, this morning. And it's blatantly obvious it's connected to past stuff. Feeling like no matter what I'd be seen as a problem. The family of origin (foo) was big in the dream. Other than that I am calmer than I was before giving noticed but I also feel .... raw. And I feel stupid that this work situation has triggered me so much. And stupid that I feel so conflicted and confused about the whole thing.

 

[somerandomguy]

I understand feeling stupid about it. But almost all of us have work issues, so you're not the only one who struggles with this. It's not your fault.

 

[PreciousChild]

When I do things that hit up against my triggers but handle it successfully, it's like I open up old wounds in order to air them out. It takes time and tolerance to endure the feelings of raw pain and grossness, but it's a lot better than keeping it closed and festering. I think the dream was positive. Way to go!

 

[Muttly]

Ok, so it's official. I start at the corp vet clinic May 26th. I will be listed as a full time employee but I may not have full time hours immediately. That's ok. I can find sub shifts probably.

Some things my T has said about my current job....
a conversation about performance with the boss that has absolutely no positive feedback is messed up
I'm getting scolded for minor things, and yet the office manager yelling at me in front of staff and customers and no one sees anything wrong with that.
It sounds almost like gaslighting
She asked, "could I be getting discriminated against because I'm gay/trans?". And... I honestly don't know. I know there are at least a couple coworkers who think homosexuality is wrong. But it's funny. The two I know of, are ones who don't treat me badly.

Something that happened on Saturday- assistant office manager .... got angry with me because I was too loud. It was one exclamation. Everyone knows she is the loudest and the one who needs to work on it. Others are loud at times and I've never seen any of them talked to like I was.

 

[Teasel]

Ok, so it's official. I start at the corp vet clinic May 26th.

Really pleased for you :) Must be nice to get validation from T too.

 

[somerandomguy]

Honestly, Muttly? That job sounded shitty. I'm so glad you found another one.

 

[Muttly]

Maybe though, I am exaggerating? And I am certainly only naming the bad things.

 

[somerandomguy]

Doesn't matter if you didn't mention ten good things to every bad thing you DID mention - the bad things you mentioned were really, really shitty. And I don't think you were exaggerating.

 

[Teasel]

Just to say @Muttley, you sound like I often feel. It's hard not knowing how to see things innit.