DID Dissociative identity disorder

[Pauline]

Some people find this a controversial topic in psychology states but I have dissociative identity disorder and when my different states voices mostly childlike come out they call up my dad my abuser and express that I want to be like the little girls with their dads and my whole body feels really sad when I am in this state I find it really hard to get out of it and can't help but call and express myself to my father he doesn't pick up all the time but when he does I start to cry.

My mother is in denial she will always choose my dad my siblings refuse to listen to me and don't help when I'm in those states I have chosen not to talk to them it is reallly difficult because my father financially helps me it is so distressing for me I get bullied by them every time I'm trying to really stay strong but it's really hard when I go into those states does anyone else have this problem with abuse I am also self harming but this I can manage more X

 

[Muttly]

yes, I have experienced something similar. It wasn't something I solved quickly. It took a lot of therapy and work. I had to learn to set boundaries, communicate inside, find support outside my family and get better at taking care of my insiders. It's really hard. I am sorry you are dealing with that.

 

[Pauline]

This is the hardest challenge for me do you have any tips how do you anchor yourself my states can't understand why they can't be younger and be with their dad they get so confused should I tell my therapist about this and the state I am in as a little girl about my dad I am nervous to express my true feelings In this form are they aware X

 

[Sideways]

should I tell my therapist about this

Yes, absolutely. This is a problem that has a solution. Like @Muttly said, it could take a bit of time, but helping your parts understand the reality you now live in, and how to cope with that, is definitely possible.

 

[TruthSeeker]

This is the hardest challenge for me do you have any tips how do you anchor yourself my states can't understand why they can't be younger and be with their dad they get so confused should I tell my therapist about this and the state I am in as a little girl about my dad I am nervous to express my true feelings In this form are they aware X

I got a big piece of paper and drew my insiders. I asked them to look at it. I drew the "self-me" which is much bigger and older. I've explained that they are a family that live inside of me-a part of me. We all live together. They are safe there. All of us together are a family. That worked for "You are an insider and safe." You'll need to consider a response as to why dad is not here. Maybe have that convo with your therapist. I visually created a safe place for change where all insiders can meet up and discuss or resolve things. This has been super helpful and it eliminated a number of issues between them. Yeah, I agree it is wise to touch base with your therapist.

 

[Jade-]

Hi Pauline. I think it's great that you are aware when you're in those states and what your parts are doing.There must be some level of co-consciousness,which is a good thing.

I didn't have that,the awareness,and didn't know when my insiders took over or what they were doing while out.It took much therapy to develop co-consciousness and to remain aware when they were active/out.Then I learned to communicate and work together.

Since you already have that awareness maybe work on communication and cooperation with the help of your therapist?

*also want to add that I think it's great that members are allowed to openly talk about DID here.Back when I first joined this site it was frowned upon so I didn't really talk about it.I have since recovered and no longer have the diagnosis but still wish it had been ok to talk about it back then *

 

[TruthSeeker]

Hi Pauline. I think it's great that you are aware when you're in those states and what your parts are doing.There must be some level of co-consciousness,which is a good thing.

I didn't have that,the awareness,and didn't know when my insiders took over or what they were doing while out.It took much therapy to develop co-consciousness and to remain aware when they were active/out.Then I learned to communicate and work together.

Since you already have that awareness maybe work on communication and cooperation with the help of your therapist?

*also want to add that I think it's great that members are allowed to openly talk about DID here.Back when I first joined this site it was frowned upon so I didn't really talk about it.I have since recovered and no longer have the diagnosis but still wish it had been ok to talk about it back then *

Personal question @JadeB May I ask how long it took you to recover? Recover is a word that means many things in DID/DDNOS -from communicate effectively enough to function and be stable to full integration.

 

[Jade-]

I reached full integration,no longer have alters or the DID dx.

Is there a way to PM you?

 

[Sideways]

I reached full integration,no longer have alters or the DID dx

Can I just say - like, wow! That’s so awesome. It’s not even on the radar for me. I’m pretty stoked that we communicate well enough that I rarely switch anymore. But no alters at all? Phwoar!!!!

 

[Jade-]

All those separate parts that I had before are just me now.Everything I say and do,it's all just me.No different than having all the separate ingredients for a cake recipe.You mix all the ingredients together and it becomes a cake.That's way oversimplified but atm I can't think of a better description.

The actual 'breakthrough',pivitol moment or whatever you call it was seeing court records from the original trauma at a very young age.Since apparently that's when it all began,facing that began like an unraveling process or something. And then everything started coming together slowly.

It all sounds great but tbh it's been extremely hard since integration. After a lifetime of not dealing with things and dissociating instead,having to face and deal with everything is difficult.It hasn't been as great as it would seem to be.

 

[HealingInProcess]

All those separate parts that I had before are just me now.Everything I say and do,it's all just me.No different than having all the separate ingredients for a cake recipe.You mix all the ingredients together and it becomes a cake.That's way oversimplified but atm I can't think of a better description.

The actual 'breakthrough',pivitol moment or whatever you call it was seeing court records from the original trauma at a very young age.Since apparently that's when it all began,facing that began like an unraveling process or something. And then everything started coming together slowly.

It all sounds great but tbh it's been extremely hard since integration. After a lifetime of not dealing with things and dissociating instead,having to face and deal with everything is difficult.It hasn't been as great as it would seem to be.

Your testimony is an inspiration. So far away for me.

 

[Keen]

The actual 'breakthrough',pivitol moment or whatever you call it was seeing court records from the original trauma at a very young age

Sounds like that moment helped you get out of denial and into acceptance?