Do you look for chaos?

[HealingInProcess]

When things are crazy the outside matches the inside so it's "normal." But when it's calm outside but crazy inside then it's different.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Thanks everyone for your own experience with this. It really does help me to get some perspective.

Currently - what @Friday says is my brain dialogue


So I punch myself in the head for accessing resources for PTSD, selfish. Others need it more than I do cuz I can go to far flung places and function wonderfully.
Keep me at home and I fall apart cuz the dude with the weed whacker is out again.
It just doesn't compute.

I’m safe and free traveling- I’m not feeling that way so much at home. The past doesn’t follow me nearly as much either when I’m driving to new places or taking a trip somewhere I’ve never been. I’m enthralled in the newness of traveling.

 

[Freida]

20 years in dispatch. Nuff said :laugh:

 

[MyWillow]

Being selfish, self-centered and ungrateful was exactly what came up with my psydoc this week. I push myself to go to work whatever it takes and then crash out the instant I get home.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I had an appointment as well and said that I was grateful for the recent opportunities I’ve had with work. Then came the question: “what’s the opposite of grateful”, my brain took me right to “selfish”.

 

[Karolina12]

This is quite true for me, even physically. I’ll get sick or get a migraine not when I am stressed, but when things have calmed.

It had always confused me in the past, especially when taking personality quizzes:
I am calm even in tense situations (true!)
I am easily bothered by events (also true!)

I would do quite well if I could keep busy but the exhaustion catches up to me quickly. I *need* a lot of down time but it’s the down time that messes me up/feels off.

 

[Ronin]

Others need it more than I do cuz I can go to far flung places and function wonderfully.

You accessing resources is the opposite of selfish IMO, because you take them with you to far flung places, & back.

Everything you learn, translating into everything you do.
Everything you cannot do, translating to having ideas how to do better, next time.
Next time around the corner... so even doing it quite fast.

Keep me at home and I fall apart cuz the dude with the weed whacker is out again.

Well duh, of course you do.
Being boxed in & with hands tied by entirely different set of things, often nonsensical, often sensical only in paper agreements or needing X amount of people to deal with a single issue interrim that cant even agree on what is whose competences much less duties.

Shrug. Been thinking lately it might well be less the disorder, more how is what organized, & how to find or bring structures that work.

 

[Freida]

Everything you learn, translating into everything you do.
Everything you cannot do, translating to having ideas how to do better, next time.
Next time around the corner... so even doing it quite fast.

Lets go one step further. Everything you learn you eventually pass on to someone else who it is struggling. So it makes it doubly important that you take the time to heal -- it's how you pay it forward that matters.

 

[feixapreta]

I'd check with a professional advisor such as a counselor. I've experienced similar stressors.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Solid advice @feixapreta, do you want to share more about how you’ve dealt with the similar stressors?
I could be wrong, but I get a sense there’s more to say...if you want, I’m listening.

 

[FrckldGngr]

All of this.

I feel like I could have written this post.

 

[Lucycat]

I need order. I am super organised. My spice jars are in alphabetical order. So is my jam shelf.
I write a monthly meal planner and mostly stick to it. If I am doing something out of the ordinary I like to know all the details in advance. Uncertainty leads to huge anxiety.