General My world has imploded and I have an apology to make to those here who supported me.

[nursenurse]

Without going into what is ancient history, he had his bases covered between movies based on real events and his knowledge of military history. We can all be fooled under the right conditions. He certainly was one messed up dude! But life after doesn’t have to be for the supporter.

 

[revdouglas]

Truly sorry,

I dont understand why anyone would fake military experience. In my case it was the best of times and the worst of times.
The fact that you stood strong and supported someone is huge. Dont sell yourself short or be embarrassed or ashamed.
You took action when others would not have. Thats brave and honorable.

I learned like all service people what honour really is all about. I think it separates us from others. I had an altercation at my new doctors office a few months ago when his staff bullied and reduces a poor widow to tears in front of me. I am triggered and speak to the lady to try and reduce the dammage already done. I ripped the DR a new one for his staffs actions and informed him that whatever remained of my booked appointment time would go to this lady. To be honest I figured I would get kicked out of the practice for sure.

The next appointment I had with him before I could say anything he informed me that the staff member had been corrected and no similar incident would occur. He went on to say he had never been spoken to that way before but also had never seen or heard of a patient giving up their allotted time with him to another person. I looked him dead on and told him sometimes you just have to stand up and do the right thing.

You my friend have done the right thing. The honorable thing. I am proud of you and I would guess everyone here is as well.

Hold your head high as you are indeed a special person.

Thanks

Doug

Peacekeeping Vet
Canada

 

[talon]

This will be a ramble but please bear with me. Mods, if this is in the wrong forum please move it, I don’t know where to post it as I got my advice in here.

You may remember I posted about my Marine Corps veteran and his PTSD, the way it affected him on Veterans Day weekend and some other things.

The bottom entirely fell out of my world on Wednesday, when his mother told me he had never been in the Marines. It was lies. It was stolen valor. I am devastated and destroyed.

I came back to tell you and to apologise to all those wonderful people who opened up and shared their own stories and advice with me about it. I won’t blame you for your anger because I would be pissed off too if I had spoken about these vulnerable issues your genuine veterans have only to find out it was part of someone’s sick fantasy.

I hope none of you ever have to go through it and I hope your own Veterans are doing well and being supported.

To anyone else who gets involved with a service man, ask for proof. Any serviceman worth their salt will be happy to show you that. I thought I had proof but it was all a facade.

Again, I am sorry to you all. I may be back in some capacity to receive support, but for now I need to clear my head and scrape up the shattered remains of my life, and to reclaim the huge part of me he has taken away from me.

There is no need of an apology clearly he has issues with regards to his life to make such a statement and use this in a way which distressed you and deceived you . It is very sad that this has happened but we are here to support each other and we will still be here so stick around and continue to share because we value you as a person

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh I just realized he is a double dick——faking service AND ptsd.

Who the hell does this?!?!?

Maybe he’s a sociopath.

 

[Never_falter2]

You are never to blame for another persons choices. Only the person himself is. You did the right thing by supporting a person you thought that needed you.

@nursenurse I am pretty shocked. I remember reading the older post a while ago and reading how your guy had his best friend dying in his arms and I felt so sorry for him and you. That’s really shocking.

May I ask you a question: did your guy have real symptoms of mental illness or did he fake those too? Didn’t that mess up his life pretty much. I mean: if he for example fakes being afraid to go out he cannot go out and it would make his life pretty miserable.

 

[nursenurse]

Very complicated with him. Definitely real mental illness, and I suspect abuse as a teen. That one's just using my nursey Spidey senses and family history I learned about after we split. Only he knows for sure. Complicated by illicit drugs which he claimed he wasn't using.

 

[Justmehere]

Like others have said, 100 percent his fault. So sorry you have to pick up the pieces in your own life.

 

[StFinley]

My apologies to all of you who gave me advice for not returning to this. I promise you I read all of your replies and advice at the time and took it as best I could. It was just very hard for me to come back and look at it all written down in back and white and make conversation out of it. I will answer some questions and take the time to reply to you about things, then I will explain why I am back after all this time.

Firstly, thank you to all of those who have assured me I dob't need to apologise for it at all. The reason I do is the guilt I hold because you shared your story with me and it somehow feels wrong that you were lured to do so on false pretenses, even if it wasn't to my knowledge.

can you absolutely trust his mother to tell the truth?

Yes. After I found out and presented him with what his Mom told me, he came clean completely. It took 2 hours of him ranting about how awful I am for going digging and then begging me to stay, but he fully admitted it.

@nursenurse I am sorry you went through the same thing. Mine was in the Young Marines so knew a hell of a lot about it. His experiences seemed so genuine, far too genuine, and I fear that he is telling someone else's story who has opened up to him about what they went through. His stories just seemed too real for it not to be true. I don't know. These people are extremely creative and convincing either way. And amazing actors to boot. It is also interesting that yours had an in depth knowledge about military movies and military/war history because mine did too. Perhaps it's a pattern? I will also quote something else you said in a moment.

@revdouglas Thank you so much for your kindness and thank you for your service. It comforts me to know that there are people out there who will stand up for others like you did and who hold honestly and integrity in high regard. Unfortunately I still feel embarrassed by all of this. It has affected me deeply, and I will go into why later in this post.

Maybe he’s a sociopath.

While I can't tell you what he is, there is definitely something going on with him. To quote nursenurse....

Very complicated with him. Definitely real mental illness, and I suspect abuse as a teen. That one's just using my nursey Spidey senses and family history I learned about after we split. Only he knows for sure. Complicated by illicit drugs which he claimed he wasn't using.

This almost sums him up exactly. Replace drugs with alcohol that he openly drank.

Time really does heal everything, and no one here will be less than kind and supportive, same as when I was hoodwinked. Learn from it. Look after yourself. You will be fine. Everyone here will be rooting for you. You can have the best time of your life, I promise.

Thank you for your kindness and for sharing your own story with me again. For me time isn't healing, even if I have learned from it. Unfortunately what I have learnt is that I cannot bring myself to trust again. I can't look at another person and not consider what their agenda is, because in my mind everyone has a hidden motive. I don't even want to move on again. All I want is to be alone.

I think this may have seriously damaged me. I get flashbacks to his "ptsd episodes" out of the blue that leave me shaking and crying. I have panic attacks. I cry a lot, despite being treated with depression. And it all makes me feel so pathetic because I feel like it is such a minor thing to feel this way about. Like it is an easy thing to move on from and I should be over it like he seems to be.

I thought I would be OK by now. But i'm not.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If he got his jollies from stolen valor AND fake combat PTSD, then he definitely has issues. Don’t beat yourself up for believing him. What person in their right mind would do that? Nobody would disbelieve somebody who went to the lengths he did. Obviously he’s a master manipulator and a great liar.

The nerve of him having “episodes” for Memorial Day.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I'm so sorry you have been put through this! You were traumatized by someone who preyed on your open and vulnerable giant heart! It's going to take time. Maybe it will be a long time but I think you will come out on the other side wiser and stronger.

You won't fall for lies again and you will have gained an immense amount of knowledge about PTSD. Just maybe there is someone who is going to come into your life that will benefit from your understanding and empathy. Could be a friend, a relative or even yourself as life continues to throw the curve balls that it does. Hopefully you've discovered coping skills that you may be learning from this.

Karma will get him in the long run. You may not find out about it but it will, one way or the other.

One of my Dad's favorite sayings was: Problems and/or mistakes can be used as stumbling blocks or stepping stones. It's up to us to choose.

Forgiving ourselves is so much harder than forgiving ANYONE else. But forgiving yourself will be key to moving forward. People who love deeply, grieve deeply. You have a right to grieve over the loss of trusting someone who held your heart and it's ok for it to take a long time. Broken trust is hard to get past. Just don't give up!?

Blessings to you?

 

[nursenurse]

When I say time will heal, it may not in a few weeks or a few months. For sure things will look up a bit. I hope you can surround yourself with good friends and family.

Nothing in the world really stuns me, but I was a deer in the headlamps...I walked in on him doing the horizontal mambo with the Skank. I went to my daughter’s immediately after, I could not face going home right away. Phoned her and asked if she was home, and if she had beer, because I had a story for her. I ended up spending 2 nights there, because I just could not go home (his dance party was in his own place, we had not moved in together, fortunately). And then I put one foot in front of the other, and they felt like lead for awhile, a long while.

Don’t worry about the future. Remember that he is not worth the tears, and no one will fault you for loving someone. But he cannot, should not, own you emotionally, and that is where your therapist will help. You will eventually dust yourself off and give your head a good shake. Sure, it is hard to trust again. I am so not interested in a romantic relationship at my stage of the game (60 and fabulous). I have since kept on with a good life, thrown darts a map and continued with my world bucket list, traveling solo for the most part. I do have good male friends in my life, some married to good friends, and even three male travel buddies who are too cheap to pay single supplements for themselves.

The point is, use this time to love yourself again. Learn to love your own company. You are a good and worthwhile person. Protect your heart. The one thing you aren’t is pathetic. You are grieving a loss. Don’t ever ask yourself why he couldn’t love you. It is too easy to attach self worth to guys like that when they do not deserve it. As in “Why didn’t he love me?” The answer is because he bought the biggest, most expensive Ass hat at Lids, and is wearing it well. And it is not your style. Be patient and kind with yourself. One foot at a time...

 

[Freida]

You have nothing to be embarrassed about and certainly don't need to feel guilty for coming here under false pretenses. The story you heard, and the affect it had you, led you here. That's what this place is for...people sorting out the emotions of ptsd. That asshat may not have had pts d but the outcome for you was the same.

sadly stolen valor is a huge thing. There are even groups of vets who have teamed up to call the dirtbags out. My own sister dated one....And the only reason he didn't get away with it was I don't trust anyone so I grilled him about his service until he cracked

you were a victim of a con man who was really good at what he does. There is no shame in that. I'm just happy you got out before it got worse because someone who would go to those lengths to fool people???? Who knows what else he is capable of?